Crack(ing) is gateway drug to Lift Addiction

 

Speaking of particle physics, I thought that outside the event horizon of a black hole, a man could only lower himself as low as a thin sheen on the floor, one atom in thickness.

Then I found this** blog and this post: Cracking The Code: 7 Ideas that would have saved my marriage.  I realized they have been looking in the wrong place for the Higgs Boson. No particle accelerator was needed to smash subatomic particles into smaller pieces. Men, just regular guys, are routinely lowering themselves down to a level asymptotically close to zero thickness. Call it Higgs Boson carpeting, with no tripping hazard to those invited to walk on them. Its like they are not even there.

Honey! I shrunk myself! (And installed myself too!)

About that Lift stuff…here is a random comment made by joceldawesome on the About page of the above mentioned blog, Must Be This Tall To Ride:

“Hi there! Your page is awesome, and so are you (wink)!Cool”

Here is Joceldawesome.

image1

A most unfortunate quote from her blog.

“I wanted you back, BBC”

Full disclosure, its quite innocent

                                        

                    

                     DOUBT ME ABOUT THE LIFT?

Back to the parsing. Let’s set the stage with his closing comments:

Should all marital responsibility fall on men? Of course not.

But could men take the lead in a unified social movement intent on improving the state of marriage—and helping to make it a satisfying, life-giving institution instead of one rife with failure, regret and misery?

Is there a red pill primer that is the remedial equivalent of, say, ABC Mouse? Here is where some red pill men start yammering about cuckservatives and socons and tradcons. Those labels do not apply here, nor do they actually apply as much as the sphere likes to boil them up. But that is for a different post.

A successful unified social movement to improve marriage would manifest how? More marriages and less divorces? I’d suppose. Evidence of the failure he mentions, as well as the regret and the misery, are seen where? It must be all the miserable mid thirties divorced (by own volition) women that we see on social media and who write blogs like this guy’s.

Wait. Er….no, no not so much. Jenny Erickson didn’t write this. This guy did. His blog is a cauldron of misery and regret. he confesses failure. And despite all the -maybe this and this and that would have made her not want to divorce- advice, there isn’t a wit of statistical or anecdotal evidence that it would have helped.

Don’t accuse me of saying that doing decent human things is a waste of time. Not at all. But those things have little to do with what the other will or will not do when the other is a wife and the undesirable action is filing for divorce.

His first numbered point (of seven) is illustrative of his defeated frame (my emphasis):

In male-female relationships, the most common source of breakage is this dynamic. Husband does X. It hurts his wife. She tells him it hurts. He doesn’t take it seriously because if she had done X, he wouldn’t hurt like she is claiming to. His conclusion is that it can’t possibly hurt her, so she’s complaining and being unreasonable about something she’s blowing out of proportion. He chalks it up as something he needn’t take seriously.

It IS possible that she is simply being unreasonable. I account for the fact SOME people are just horrible at being alive. Maybe he married one of those for reasons no sane person could ever explain

Where did he get the facts to support his assertion that this is the most common source of breakage? If he would read Gottman’s work he would see where he is wrong. But that is not very compelling because it leads to glazing over or my study is bigger than your study. He should believe his own eyes if they’d stop lyin’.

He flirts with basic truth  in his point numbers 2 and 4 when he says, respectively:

Appreciating all of the good things in your life—even when bad things happen—is the only way to consistently feel good

and

FEELINGS CHANGE CONSTANTLY. Up and down, side to side, and back around again.

So, when you want to make your marriage work even when you don’t “feel” the same as you did on the day you got engaged and had sex all night afterward, the solution is pretty straightforward: You choose it.

How to avoid divorce? Don’t file one. There. Simple.

Number 7 is toxic irony. It says to LEAD:

This does not mean “dominate.” This does not mean: Act like you are better or more important than her.

It means:

  • You accept responsibility for the quality of your marriage
  • You accept responsibility for the behavior and “success” of your children
  • You accept responsibility for hurting your wife’s feelings even when you don’t understand how or why it happened
  • You accept the challenge of not repeating those behaviors
  • You do not passively ask your wife to manage the entire household’s calendar and make all decisions about food or weekend activities, only to complain when it doesn’t align with what you want to do
  • You accept responsibility for making her feel sexy and desired, planting the I-Want-To-Have-Sex-With-You Seeds at unexpected times and not just after you ignored her all night and got a sudden hard-on, or worse, only when you’re post-party drunk twice a month

A wife should never cheat on her husband (just as a husband should be vigilantly faithful to his wife). But instead of feeling and exhibiting jealousy and paranoia, or wondering whether she’s looking elsewhere to fill physical or emotional voids, BE THE LEADER.

Accept the challenge to proactively make your wife your life’s focus at the top of your daily priority list.

Then, affairs go away. Emotional insecurity goes away. Resentment and anger and hurt feelings and fighting go away.

He has either been reading relationship books written by women (or by Christian men), listening to women in his life affirm him as he free style emasculates himself in front of them-lets hope the wives of his friends are not offering Lifts because those come with respect that is borrowed from her portion that is assigned to her husband-, or through the blog in a sort of Pavlovian response to reward and punishment.

He has not used his own powers of observation objectively. Mired in self effacement, trying to lift himself up by lowering himself like some Reverse Flash from earth 2 version of Christ’s statement that the last shall be first, he has accumulated an impressive gaggle of lift givers.

On his about page there are 194 likes. A cursory look shows that they are 80% or more from females. How easy it would be to conflate those likes with having a winning prescription for marriage.

aaawwwww

 

**   He has a whole series called “An Open letter to Shitty Husbands” that is begging to be        parsed.

The chastity of Saeed’s sexual abuse

The reach of Saeed’s abuse has been severely limited by his release from the Iranian prison. Italian police didn’t name the suspect but they found what they considered (of course, the truth would challenge a paradigm) to be possible evidence of a form of domestic violence when they were called to help unlock something for a woman.

The firefighters managed to break the iron lock before opening an investigation into whether the woman had been forced to wear the belt by someone else as an act of domestic violence

Whoever the man is, he left her to her own device.

 

Enjoying the men that are your boys

Through a combination of air miles, a friend in the management of a major hotel chain, and a colleague with season tickets to Stamford Bridge,  my sons and I went off to London last week to see Saturday’s game, Chelsea vs Everton. It was a celebration of my older (22) son’s college graduation.

It is gratifying to me that the older son, for his friend to bring along, selected the younger brother (19) with pleasure and no hesitation. Selfishly for me to head off with my sons on this adventure was unbelievable.

We started in a small town a couple of hours outside London where I have some friends. As expected, we took in some pub food, not a few pints, and slept in an old inn that makes real the expression “a silence of three parts”.  I’d been before but I wanted them to see more than London, and with only a few days, knowing people and the lay of the land made it efficient.

At the closest train station, from which we departed for London last Thursday, they await the train.

de train 2

If you’d ask them what was happening in this photo, the youngest (foreground) would say that we were waiting for a train. The older brother would say we were waiting to get to a Chelsea game. Fanatic.

We did make it. It was a tie, 3’s. The final goal came in the 98th minute and sure, John Terry of was off sides, but the goal held and the relegation risk was kicked a little further down the road.

Standing among the opposing team’s seats during the stadium tour the day before the game, they admired the playing pitch.

Stamford Bridge 1

My sons were crestfallen when they came across me imitating The Arrow on London bridge and were told……yep…..they’d failed the city.

 

So, we came home

 

 

Domestic Abuse = Terrorism : Crashing a Jet Into Common Sense

In the hands of the wrong person, moral infractions of vastly different magnitude and consequence can be equated in a failed attempt at leverage through hyperbole.

We see this all the time regarding the topic of abuse.

Those of you who have read my posts and commentary for some time know that I often say I have a license to speak freely about domestic violence. And you know why. If you don’t know why, just accept at face value that whether I am correct or not, I needn’t adopt a sort of PC lexicon on the topic of up-defining the term abuse.

For instance I take particular umbrage when so much power is given a single word. If one chooses to tack the word abuse onto any verb, noun, or adjective, magically a new type of abuse is acknowledged. Being seen as an abuse victim greases life skids, affords second (and more) chances, gets attention, marshals armies of concern warriors, and not least….not only gets lots of empathy but also  sets up a new thing to empathize with and about. In other words empathy gets going two ways.

Now as we’ve seem the news of Pastor Saeed being accused of abuse and how the main Christian media is running with the story, we have an example of what occurs in family courts and in simple gossip every day across the country.

One story parenthetically explained that the sexual abuse was having to do with his pornography addiction.  Quite clever because it affords a way to get around the obvious questions about how an imprisoned man can sexually abuse his wife a hemisphere away. If there are readers still left unconvinced, its good enough to have painted Saeed with the broad brush of porn addiction.

In reading a story from Charisma News, which Dalrock linked in his most recent post, I saw that the Christian media will not miss the chance to do some major Lift chasing using Naghmeh’s abuse allegations. After discussing the headline briefly the article goes on the fill more than half of its content with information about how poorly churches are handling the apparently ubiquitous presence of domestic violence in their bodies.

 Two-thirds of pastors address domestic violence from the pulpit one time a year or less.[ ]

It reminds us that we need to speak up on domestic violence in our churches. Our Sojourners / IMA World Heath / LifeWay Research data shows this is not happening frequently enough. Two-thirds of pastors address domestic violence from the pulpit one time a year or less.

The frenzy to show how-much-they-care causes people to believe the most outrageous claims. It also causes them to lose the ability to grasp how contradictory some information is, how cause and effect is set completely aside when making certain claims, and finally causes some to make analogies that are plain dumb.

Bob Smietana of Lifeway Research writes his analysis of the data gathered when they set out to find how frequently domestic violence was spoken of from the pulpit. Quoting numbers like 1 in 4 women have been hit with a fist or object by an intimate partner, he keeps the subject at simmer. He quotes author Justin Holcomb who, in the book he coauthored with his wife, says that abusers use God’s words on marriage to keep the victim captive.

“God says He hates divorce—He also hates the abuse of women,” Holcomb said.

Stating two things that are true he creates a false dichotomy. This fits a common female rationalization strategy. He emotionally cements mutual exclusivity and leads the reader (mostly women) to pick one. Divorce…..or abuse. His statement is succor and cover for any woman who can convince herself there is abuse occurring in her marriage and therefore she must divorce. In the book they make it clear that abuse takes many forms, not all are physical.

That Smietana deigns quote statistics about male victims of domestioic violence is negated by Holcombs statement about God hating the abuse f women.

I followed some of the comments below the Lifeway Research article. They were mostly links leading back to other blogs. One in particular was the motive for this post.

The writer, Danielle Lynn, begins by stating some basic information about the terror attacks of 9/11. She then goes on to say that we marshaled resources to fight domestic terrorism. But (emphasis mine):

There’s one form of domestic terrorism that has been a silent killer for decades. It has infiltrated the church to hide its ultimate demise. It takes Scripture out of context and is used to invoke fear in order to control. It’s domestic violence in the home and should not be in the body of Christ.

It never ceases to amaze me how the enemy can twist the Word of God in order to convince its hostage that God is an authoritative tyrant. We can search the Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation to show how God ultimately views women and children. He goes out of His way to protect them.

I do not know what she means about domestic terrorism hiding its ultimate demise. Sometimes words just get strung together.

But I do know that when the subject of God’s protection is being focused on women and children are being used as a force multiplier, there is hypocrisy even if inadvertent.

The numbers that speak to intimate partner violence, when broken down, show that statistically a woman is safest in a marriage. They also show an even starker contrast for kids. Kids are far safer in the home of their married biological mothers and fathers.

Men write articles and throw in some superficial statistics because it is lazy Lift chasing. Women read them and then regurgitate quasi facts that FEEL right and generate empathy. Women form rationales for others women blowing up families, using vague wording and catchy phrases that make them feel good about other women’s choices, almost no matter what. Women also add tools, skills, and ideas that may one day in the future be deployed as they need to get a few close women and a couple of men, bonus if one’s a preacher, to endorse and assist as she tosses a husband, harms her kids, and puts both her and her kids in greater statistical danger with a new guy eventually.

If she fails to invoke an  abuse accusation initially, there are groups online and in churches and neighborhoods and just about everywhere that are recruiting for abuse victims. They publish checklists. They hear women complaining about a husband and they ask, “do you not realize that you are under abuse?”

She gets her righteous divorce and the harpies get a vicarious kick out of another empowered woman and children who see dad every other weekend and on Wednesday evening.

On the plus side Danielle Lynn is all about gluten free living. Recipes and everything. Yeah!

 

Joshua Rogers and His Lift Chasing Melange

Joshua Rogers’ blog may be the most overt Lift magnet that I have had the misfortune to read. He works Lift chasing into every topic he covers. Unsurprisingly, Fox regularly links to his blog, where he covers such topics as:

  1. His daughter cannot have a Barbie because Barbie promotes body image instead of promoting the notion that his little girl can be a CEO.
  2. There is no reason to be wary of Muslims. After all there are Christians killing people too.
  3. He explains the actual meaning of “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. His take isn’t that a man gets to decide if a woman is beautiful or sparks his interest. That would be offensive. Rather, he says it means he must work at beholding, suggesting that if a single man is beholding a woman and doesn’t see her beauty, he needs to keep looking until he does. Anything less is to deny the beauty of God’s creation.

Today he presented with the co-morbidity, Lift Chasing Blue Pill White Knightery. Not rare but tough to treat. Requires the active ingredient in red pills be delivered intravenously, applied topically, and swallowed in liquid form. Then his eyes need to be sewn open for a bit of the ultra violence on Super 8 video a la Clockwork Orange while adding butter flavored low-T-Meds to his popcorn (Just kidding on the sewn lids).

The symptom that clinched the differential diagnosis was his newest piece explaining how he and men in general are prone to affairs. He says men make a series of small mistakes and end up destroying their marriages.

Groundbreaking gutsy claims like that and the power of his self effacement are hard to find. Men with his courage are rare.

Not.

He is writing rererererererere-packaged versions of the same conventional wisdom as peddled by Family Like, FoTF, Russell Moore, etc.

He needs to cut to the chase. Or someone does. After all, with decades of this type of pandering to women and remediation of men behind us, and the coincident elevation to breathless urgency that Joshua and his cohorts evoke lest we finally get sucked into the drain we’ve been  circling, maybe he will be the one who just comes out and says that men are too stupid to get stuff like this, plus we are too badly flawed to really ever manage to reach the woman’s position at the apogee of morality.

 

 

 

The DFW, DCS, and Dalrock’s disaster zone

Since Christmas Eve my wife and I traversed nearly 1000 miles of Texas highway (round trip total) our snazzy new Honda Pilot.  Plus another 600 or so in other states…making my way into the DFW (not that DFW…..see below) and back home.

DFW

Because of the DCS triad (Dalrock/Caldo/Scott) the wedge shaped territory Ive marked in light blue could one day be a bastion of hope for victims of feminism. The pink area….eh….not so much.

But there is a long way to go before the map can be officially thus marked. I saw feminism thriving in the center of the wedge, sadly, as accomplished men were directed to and fro by the unrestrained whimsical emotional urges of family matriarchs and wannabe matriarchs. It literally made my face permanently longer.

But there were worse things to behold.

Crossing the DFW, then actually DFW, we encountered detours and delays resulting from the recent storms. I snapped some photos as I drove. They are not very good but you will get a feel for what we saw.

20151229_124039

20151229_124038 20151229_124037 20151229_124036 20151229_124032 20151229_124030

Then this. MEN working. Lots of men carrying things and rebuilding and administering aid. Men in reflective gear in every direction.

20151229_124013 Now, imagine coming to the intersection pictured here. Note the street name.

20151229_123934Some kind of metaphor. For us.

The Lift and The Irony, A New Shade of Grey

The Lift…. The term finds its origin in the actual lifting of a woman’s midsection to afford the removal of her unmentionable garments. Its her allowing access. Sure I’ve borrowed the term and use it, aptly if I say so myself, in describing how and why men supplicate and self efface to win the slightest positive response from women. A smile, a compliment, or the best, a man being held up as an example to sort out other men.

Today, Christmas Eve, I found.this story. This guy is getting his Lift. His wife has some extra weight, bears the marks of childbirth, and she decides to go get a series of boudoir photos made as a gift for her husband. She requests the photographer use Photoshop liberally to eliminate her imperfections.

Its amazingly appropriate that Photoshop is mentioned because the complicated Lift metaphors are layered into this tale the same way editing is layered onto photos.

Allegedly, when the wife presented the husband with his alternative bathroom reading material he was secretly disturbed by how good his wife looked in the photos. After some months he could no longer contain his anger and emailed the photographer.

Seeing these images made me realize that I honestly do not tell my wife enough how much I LOVE her and adore her just as she is. She hears it so seldom, that she actually thought these photoshopped images are what I wanted and needed her to look like.

The husband is being exalted on new sites and social media for his love-her-for-who-she-is manifesto.

I could make a case for his being cruel. He lists his wife’s visual flaws in detail rather than saying he never sees them. But in a stroke of genius he lambastes the edited images as the thing that is actually cruel. He eschews them. And he vows from that day forward to praise his wife for who she is with photoshop layers removed.

Forget the wife’s photos though. This dude made art. He created a new shade by blending The Lift with Irony

His wife’s Lift requires a little more effort these days. I mean torque, leverage, elbow grease, a longer fulcrum…..you get the point. But he has managed to raise and broaden his Lift index into rarely seen territory.

They must’ve added red pill to the coffee?

I was returning home from a fast visit to Mexico City this past Friday. Into D.F. at noon Thursday, out of D.F. at noon on Friday.

Connecting through Houston is my most efficient route. I can be on the ground in Mexico City five hours from leaving home. Similar on the return.

In Houston, after a crush at passport control (and more self loathing for my ongoing procrastination about getting Global Entry) I managed to walk up to my departure gate for home just as boarding was starting.

I’m a nobody with this airline because they have only two gates and a few destinations served from my home airport. Sadly* I am a big cheese on the major carrier that serves my city. (*I travel less now, but still too much).

This is a tiny plane and a short trip and I had a window seat near the rear. There was a couple walking down the aisle in front of me. Maybe 75 years old +/-. He has the demeanor of a college professor or maybe an Episcopalian minister. He smiled genuinely, acted in overt kindness, was aware of others, unlike 80% of people today, and wasted no time stowing things and sitting in seat 20A. That seat is alone on the right side of this small regional jet.

The wife was turned out as if she were attending a debutante ball for herself. She was dressed as if she was the age where that could happen. Bleached hair cut to young. Massive foundation make up and what seemed like black sharpie drawn circles around the eyes, seen peering through tip-o-the-trend  eyeglasses, and the requisite tight jeans and too young trendy footwear.

After the man sat in 20A, she sat in 20C (aisle across from her husbands) I noted my seat was 20D, the window beside th wife, so I mentioned to the husband that Id gladly switch in any way they wanted so they could sit side by side. He smiled and was starting to position himself to stand up while he said thank yo, when the wife’s voice drowned him out.

I turned to look at her and she , while staring at him, said, “Yes thanks but he is…he can’t….he , well….he will need to get up and down a lot so thanks though but he can stay there. She totally spoke for the man. Plus she made no effort to speak quietly when she all but announced to several rows of passengers……”My husband suffers urinary incontinence”

He just stared straight ahead. The kindness in his face was shrouded by another emotion. He looked futile, resigned to something he once could say he disliked but now its so normal he just forges ahead. I thought about the way most of the western world sees marriage and men and women relating. The way most men and women see men behaving badly and woman saintly servants. I then thought about how red pill awareness clarifies things  and I knew that what I saw on that mans face was the steadfast  long-suffering  that far more men than women choose to endure rather than divorce. Its in the numbers, and this man could be a advert. Tragically even he most likely would reject everything I am saying in defense of his queen wife.

As the last passengers were boarding  young woman behind us was struggling with a baby and the need to stow a bag overhead. The woman beside me turned into the aisle and hear head was on a swivel. She began speaking to no one in particular….”someone needs to help her….she ….the bag….here…hold on a sec….” Her husband started to get up. He would be delighted to help and it was obvious he wanted to be the one.

She rescued him again, “No, no one of those guys…..hey!, excuse me, can you stand up and help that girl please”. She was running a squad of men it seemed, in that mother hen   I-gotta-watch-so-they-do-it-the-way-I- would-do-it  way.

You know how helpful women are.

The flight is 1 hr 15 minutes. I had one beer, then a coffee, and I mildly seethed. I read my book and watched the clear view out the window. And the man never stirred from his seat. Not once.

When we landed, as we parked the plane and started standing and shuffling into position,  an opportunity  and a compulsion hit me at once. The could and I had gate checked bags to collect in the jet way. Few others did (which is rare). So as they got their bags and I got my bag I made eye contact and the man , not surprisingly, thanked me for offering the seat swap and that it was thoughtful of me.

I smiled at him and said it was no problem and that Id hope someone would offer me and my wife the option to sit together when we travel.

Then I looked at the wife and I said, “and my wife would let me completely respond to the offer…hopefully next time you will let your husband decide on the offer and speak his choice for himself and to decide for himself if he wants to get up and assist someone without you reprimanding him. ”

I added, “it was very disrespectful especially with so many others hearing all of it.” I looked back to the man, only him, and wished him a nice evening and a blessed Christmas.

It felt good. It felt right even.

 

 

 

You can boil it, fry it, bake it…lottsa ways to make a turkey

This year I deep fried two turkeys. Nothing particularly sexy in the preparation. I wanted to inject Cajun flavor but was overruled  by the presence of too much estrogen in the home. Whatever testosterone was present had little efficacy in the aggregate. Mine was the only free testosterone. The other male’s “T” was still bound up by the high blood levels of apathy that young men have in their early twenties.

Once I ask this question my “T” level will be instantly drawn down by half and my blog will be torn from WordPress and plugged into Pintrest. The question is, men, how do you fry your turkey if in fact you do? Anything special you do? My frying of fowl occurs once per year and I have made no effort to finesse it. I bought an electric frying device this year. Had the old school flame one and the new one head to head. No difference in the outcome but the electric one feels like a more stable process.

There are no youtubes of exploding turkey by my hand…knock wood.