Feminism is marginalized because of the way feminists have defined themselves. To claim that the average American Christian women is a feminist does not resonate with most people, men or women, as problematic if true. These women are mothers and church goers, they are nice and sweet and wonderful. For women it is an “of course”. For men it is kinda cute.

The Women are Wonderful paradigm is far more dangerous than any rabid feminist. When men and women default to moral supremacy of women, then take highly immoral tactics to maintain that, and still men and women go along, something is badly wrong. Its not about Family Law, Egalitarianism vs Complimentary roles, none of that. The issue is much broader. It’s what greets us when we walk out the door, like humidity, it envelopes us, and most folks just go along thinking, well, it makes my hair frizzy but its good for the skin.

A church in the desert is as “humid” inside as one in the tropics, if it sits in a western English speaking country.

For several years I have tried to unpack the question, what is the sin or dysfunction aspect of women that is analogous to the potential sexual proclivities of men. Those of us that are Christians ask this in terms of how do women sin verses how do men sin and are they truly equal, morally. Those that are not Christians face the same dilemma, just framed in different terminology. The phenomenon is the same, in that the perception is that women are good and men are bad, or at best women can be a little bit bad but men can be a whole lot of bad, and that there are built-in gender specific reasons for that. The easiest difference to point to is the general fact that men tend to be more led astray by sex drive.

If we believe neither gender is morally or spiritually superior, what is built into women that, in Christian terms,  affords a route to sin? Or in secular terms, what produces a weakness or proclivity to dysfunction…..and what sins/dysfunctions specifically manifest in women as a result. Finally, what social pathology(s) then manifest as a result of these sins/dysfunctions of women in society?

I’m tired of 50% of the population seemingly not being held accountable. I’m weary of the rhetorical tricks used by people of both genders to maintain this belief, albeit never directly stated as such, that men are bad and women are good.

So, here I’m taking a stab at explaining a theory of mine. Along the way, all of the above can and will be discussed, meaning the built in female trait that creates a unique weakness in her, the behaviors that result from that weakness, and the impact on society not to mention friends and family as a result of the behaviors.

I unashamedly focus only the one way, because similar focus on men is omnipresent.

[EDIT February 2014]

Two whole years of writing a blog. A new friend or two added to my life. And more and more encounters that make me more strident. I was asked by someone, why don’t I channel my energy into helping men who have experienced the pain of divorce. Well, that is what I AM doing. When, at rock bottom myself, I stumbled upon some red pill writing….can’t even remember where but I was plugged into Mens News Daily back then, I recall how great it felt to not be the only person that not only sees the things I was seeing, but is also fixated on it, doing something about it, even evangelizing with it.

The more I run into the glazed looks on men’s faces as they show disinterest in the topic, the more determined I am to show them the truth. This is a calling. Not necessarily to blog, but to stay on guard for the truth.

If I ever run into you in person you will know it because, if we talk, I will talk about evangelical feminism.

33 thoughts on “About

  1. Thanks for your comment, and feel free to remove this after you read it. In the cases of Lisa and Dreamer, I was dancing a little so as not to offend. They do live in areas where predatory females aren’t well tolerated – Hawaii and Maine, so I suspect they really don’t see how unbalanced the system is. (And why would they bother to look; they think it doesn’t affect them.) Yes, I have deeper private relationships with both of them. I’m aware of the “female superiority” memes, and I don’t want to perpetuate the myth, but I don’t want to alienate women either. (I’m politically independent and I have this same problem in those discussions.) Lisa is completely independent, and has accepted the consequences of her choices. I like her, but we have little in common beyond our optimistic outlooks. I don’t want to offend her by pointing out her naivete, yet I am concerned about the cost of not doing so. A dilemma absolutely. Dreamer and Lola are non-predatory women who are trying to learn from their past mistakes. I’m pretty close to Dreamer, and she has a lot to overcome – childhood abuse resulting in infertility, compounded by her mother’s warped perspective on it. She knows she’s attracted to abusers.

    I recognize what you see in my blog: I make a statement, then I pat my friends on the head and say, “But not you, dear. Your situation is complicated…you have a goo excuse.” I DON’T LIKE IT, but I haven’t figured out a viable alternative. These are women I think I can actually reach, women who would benefit from understanding this huge underlying force that is helping them make self-destructive choices. But they’re women, and I barely understand their language. (Seriously, http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com/2010/11/female-logic.html)
    I do hesitate to challenge them because it will turn them off. On a personal level, that doesn’t bother me much, but as I said, these are women I think I can reach.

    “Please challenge the ladies who post, part of the reversal of the trends you so wisely point out is the flat out dismissal of the first complaint a woman makes.”

    I see a more subtle dynamic at work here. This “challenge them” tactic works well for men, because even while we’re denigrating you, we crave your approval. We will continue to engage you until one of two things happens: we see your point or you see ours (preferably the latter.) Or we’ll write you off as hopeless and turn our backs. However, women have no use for the assets that come with MY approval, so if I contradict them, they will most likely dismiss me as a bitch and walk away, with no dialog. They have no reason to listen to me when I disagree with them, whereas they think they have everything to gain form listening to men (or at least pretending to listen.)

    So what do you think? Am I kidding myself? Is my “attracting flies with honey” approach a cowardly excuse? I’m new to confrontation since for most of my life I’ve just kept my opinions to myself, so I’m not very good at it. Should I suck it up and try a more “in your face” approach? Any suggestions on how to do it effectively? I would really appreciate your perspective.

  2. Suz its apt that your response appear below my ABOUT section in my n’er viewed blog about my OCD with empathy.
    No I have no advice on how to do it effectively. You are likely correct in the way you spell out your if you do x they will do y predictions. Im of the mind that not reaching folks is fine. I take it like i took telemarketing in the 80’s, burn through the leads, because having a good relationship with people who are lost on something benefits no one, unless the issues are just a hobby and you don’t care so much.
    I simply cannot accept womens claims like theirs on face value. It doesnt matter if they are are engaged in the system of taking from men or not. That they likely have divorced a man for some silly reason is enough system exploitation for me, that they then claim the worn thin, yea that may be true but I really was abused (or whatever) is one notch worse than just a one off claim. They are trying to double manipulate, to cake and eat it, hang with the boys so to speak but garner those boys (and gals) empathy and sympathy because thats what they thrive on, its what sustains their bad decisions.
    As long as a woman gets some empathy from someone, she will feel good about bad decisions. Its why things are the way they are in the churches where being empathetic is celebrated as a spiritual gift. You are giving them a sense of empathy, until they feel shame and scorn they will sell their brand of misandry.
    You know I neednt disclaim, but i will….once….that sure there is a chance they actually had a real, worthy beef. I disclaim it, and simultaneously state it is statistically highly unlikely.

    My advice I guess is risk the relationship. Get them to see, get unequivocal definition of their experiences, or forget them. Stringing them along in hopes they will eventually see the light actually builds their resolve to not see the light.
    Thanks for the note

  3. “As long as a woman gets some empathy from someone, she will feel good about bad decisions.”

    You’re right. Absolutely right. I’ve been in a few bad relationships, and I ended them because I figured out not only what “he” was doing wrong, but what “I” was doing wrong as well. The only reason I’m happy now is that I took responsibility for my actions, and moved forward instead of wallowing in my victim status. My marriage hasn’t been a walk in the park, but I don’t consider myself a victim.

  4. Do you agree that there is a pathological need for empathy that permeates the female mind in general? Do you understand why I say what I do about that?

    Two women meet, what do they do, they exchange random bits of info about themselves until they find something common, then they go into feelings about that common thing, and the pinnacle is “I know just how you feel”.

    If they never are able to say that, thats not going to be a friendship. The faster and more frequently they say that, the more they are friends.

    Men exchange tid bits similarly. When they find the common thing, they dissect the thing, its ease, its difficulty, maybe advise each other, make jokes, talk about facts about the thing. They do not go into feelings.

    I submit women have a drive for empathy analogous to the male sex drive. And that drive is the pathway to dysfunction in women as sexuality can be in men. These are generalities

  5. Yes I do agree. My thinking has always been more masculine than feminine and I’ve never been able to pinpoint exactly how. I just don’t “get” women. I’ve been trying for years to figure out what they have that I lack, even though I like myself just fine without it. What you just said about the bond created by the exchange of empathy, gave me a “light bulb” moment. THANK YOU for defining it. It explains a lot. Wow. Like when a gal complains about a problem and I suggest a solution – she treats me like we’re not even talking about the same thing! Hah! I guess we aren’t. Thanks!!!!!!

  6. It was a lightbulb moment for me too, thats why I started this blog. Im having writers block for one thing and for another I need to redo the posts that are up because they are not so well written as they were poured out, not structured, but anyway the point is I sought a trigger for what females to that causes a lot of problems, that would be comparative at base level to the male sex drive. I think I found it in a lust for establishing empathy.
    Ive yet to have it dis-proven that most women are ever seeking empathy. its why women hold one another to account far less than men, saying for example to a divorcing friend “sweety follow your heart and I’ll be there for you”…heck its almost a good thing, then the person who is not divorcing can milk that for empathy with other women, calling and describing how she is seeing the same issues in her marriage as her divorcing friend, then that 3rd women starts on it.
    Or they buy some relationship book and bam…..all of them have some of the problems that the book describes, unbelievable coincidence isnt it? But lacking that, the study of that book would be hollow and unenjoyable.
    I wish this would kind of catch on and be examined by some of the very thoughtful bloggers because yes I think Im onto something

  7. I’m going to do some stewing and chewing, see if I can find some solid sources If there’s not much on-line, I’ll go down to Depauw and see what I can find in the library. Maybe we can come up with a few core points….

    I’ll let you know if I see something worthwhile.

  8. Well its been about 6 months and Im pleased with the growth in hits per day and the numbers of official followers. I do wish the comments would get more active, but there are all these blogs listed in everyones blog roll and we all cover the same stuff and I am both late to this and not nearly as good at it as many of the others. For example though The Society of Phineas is an outstanding well written blog and he gets almost no comments. So who knows, maybe its just trying to find some niche or something that is interesting.
    I have invited others to write, and leave that as an open invitation to those Ive mentioned it to, I wish McScribe would write more here, he is excellent, and IAL too. Chas, anytime you want I will post your efforts gladly.

  9. You left a comment on my blog saying that I was going to be your next subject. Before you write about me and your take on my position on marriage, I’d just like to point out that my husband divorced me, not the other way around. And now that I’m in this position, I’m doing what I can to offer comfort and encouragement to others who find themselves in this same position.

  10. I read the whole story. I know he technically divorced you.
    Please pay close attention to the fact that, again, my analysis is not about judging any individual woman. You included.
    My “about” section may need to be updated, search The Personal Jesus” here and maybe it becomes clear.
    The fact, irrefutable, is that women are filing 70% plus of divorces on the church, the vast vast, did I say vast majority are lacking grounds and the reasons can be boiled down to unhappiness for a plethora of reasons. Every single one sees themselves as the exception.
    When situations like yours, where husband technically files, or where some women (not you) have affairs otherwise offer fault, and the man files under no fault, are included, the female created divorce rate in the church is enormous, unacceptable, and the church is too coward to even say it, while we rant about gay marriage (which I also oppose), we will not even say a word about divorce.
    Funny though, to hear divorced women talk you’d think that weekly they were being berated about divorce. Its bizarre, the skin is so thin in some ways divorced women are like the same sex marriage advocates, they want full on endorsement and no mention of divorce in any context UNLESS its aimed at men stepping up on Fathers Day.
    Give my piece a chance and do not take it personally. Correct me if I am wrong during the process.

  11. “Men exchange tid bits similarly. When they find the common thing, they dissect the thing, its ease, its difficulty, maybe advise each other, make jokes, talk about facts about the thing. They do not go into feelings.”

    So not getting into feelings is somehow a good thing in your mind? Superior? How or why is dissecting a thing, advising each other, making jokes, etc superior to “getting into feelings” about it?

  12. Not really what I mean to say, no. Feelings are normal natural all that. Its what we do with them that leads to problems.
    In general, feelings lead women astray similar to how sex drive leads men astray, not always, not all men/women, but in general. Like men restraining sex drive, its virtuous to restrain feelings and test their morality against something objective. God’s Word should be enough, but these days that’s been made all about feelings and subtext.
    There are times to communicate with feelings, and times not to. You have actually afforded an example of reacting based on feelings and not what was stated. This happens all the time with females especially as, I suppose because of feelings, rarely is anything stated straightforward, rather its stated with emotional texture and such that seems to her to be a better way of communicating.

    When I listen to women communicating the words being spoken are props to share certain feelings, not really concepts or information.

  13. “When I listen to women communicating the words being spoken are props to share certain feelings, not really concepts or information. ”

    As a woman that’s not been my experience. I’ll present you with 3 scenarios;

    1. A discussion about travel
    2. A discussion about a thing
    3. A discussion about a highly emotive experience

    If 2 people meet, male or female, who discover they have been to the same foreign country, they will talk about facts such as the regions they visited, what they saw and experienced there, and of course if they liked it or not. They will find common ground in the fact that they have both been to the same country and that will be a cause for bonding.

    Now if two people meet and discover they have both recently purchased the same product, they will bond with that and discuss the benefits of the product and how it has aided them.

    Now, if two people meet and discover both of them have been recently divorced, which is a highly emotive topic, they may discuss that and bond over that. Of course feelings would be discussed because it is a highly emotive subject. It may be that in this circumstance women discuss feelings more than men, but in the other areas women are exchanging facts and information as are men.

    And this has been my experience in my conversations with both men and women. We don’t just get together to discuss how we are “feeling”. That topic only has so much mileage.

  14. @Empath:

    Thank you for this blog. I just began reading your theory regarding the female pathological use of empathy. I have noticed the same. To me it appears that there exists sincere empathy and manipulative empathy.

    For example, sincere empathy could be when a person, male or female, is going through a trial and another person offers fellowship and a friendly ear. If both parties are being honest, then the one going through the trial can benefit from the sincere empathetic ear. And likewise the listener can benefit by learning from the other’s experience and also do the will of God by offering a sincere ear and maybe some sincere advice. Perhaps they could even pray together…

    An example of manipulative empathy could be when a person voices to another a dishonest version of an event for the purpose of eliciting pseudo empathy. The manipulation is done for the purpose of getting attention by falsely portraying oneself as a victim. The pathological exchange can be magnified if the listener is into the same “game”. The listener can either be honest and provide objective feedback, or can be equally dishonest and play upon the false victimization by falsely indicating that they have been victimized in the same way.

    I believe this is what you are saying in the aforementioned paragraphs regarding the mostly female practice of pretending to be victims and feeding off one anothers “crap”.

    I have often pondered what sin women commit that is kinda equal to the sex sins of men. I knew women are not more sinless than men, nor are they any closer to God due to their gender. I have speculated that it is the female use of manipulation that is their predominant sin, but I must say that men can also be very manipulative at times. But when the manipulation is in the form of falsely playing being a victim for the purpose of evoking a pseudo empathetic response, I believe you are on to a correct common sin of females.

    Does all this make sense to the folks out there?

  15. It makes sense. Its a little different than my core belief on empathy, which is that women rather than using empathy to manipulate, manipulate to GET, or experience empathy, Subtle but important difference. Manipulaltion to get something would be for sympathy. Empathy , of the sort Im talking, is when two women in a conversation ultimately say “I know just how you feel”. Thats the epitome of meeting the need for empathy. I say that they seek that experience in much of what they do, with other women, family, and husbands and BF’s. The emotional neediness is born of the drive to achieve a state of empathy. It is reflected in the advice men are given….listen, dont fix…..in other words, tell her you “know how she feels”

  16. Hey Empath, my name is Don and I’ve been lurking around the manosphere for a little over a year now. I’m preparing to publish a short Red Pill book about love and marriage from a red pill perspective for young Christian men and was wondering if you would mind giving it a quick proof read and give me some feedback. Thanks.

  17. Empath:
    If you wouldn’t mind, could you send me an e-mail? I have a question about resource material for some research I’m currently engaged in and thought you might have some suggestions…Thanks!

  18. “The issue much broader based.”
    “It what greets us …”
    “I just tired of 50% of the population …”
    “… man are bad …”

    These are embarrassingly bad grammar mistakes. Do you take the time to proofread? How can I take your philosophical views seriously if you aren’t careful enough to re-read your own words for correctness and consistency?

  19. Matt, thats two.

    The eschewing of generalities was one
    Calling out bad grammer is two

    These two are not “strikes”….I’m just saying you have done yourself a disservice these two times. Pointing to grammar and spelling, when some folks occasionally just blaze out a comment for the sake of the communication, in my opinion is bad form. I know other bloggers would disagree with me.

    Since it was mine, and it is in my “about” section and not a comment, I’m going to fix the mistakes and ignore it.

    If you review your posts and comments you have not engaged in a single philosophical debate. Rather, you wax hyperbolic, this is stupid that is crazy, add some wry sarcasm, and never fail to state that you hate authority….as if these things somehow a coherent ideology make.

    I cannot pigeon hole you as liberal or conservative, but i can pigeon hole you as, at least in writing, not having mush depth of thought to back an idea, or even to ease an idea’s presentation.

    Try this experiment. Take the post(s) you disagree with, and actually point out the thing you disagree with, offer evidence for your side (not hyperbole and anecdote) and see if you end up on topic and engaged.

  20. Hi,

    My name is Alex and I just had a quick question about your blog. Please email me back at your earliest convenience!

    Thanks you.

  21. Bee, Ive sent you an email, its available to me via your comment. I read your response to the piece. I am not sure how I would respond differently.

    The problem is that at least that article allows for stubborn women to even exist. yes, it does negate any good it does by emphasis on the other, and this is the subtlest form of pandering, hence the most difficult to tackle.

    Usually an article like that would fixate on men and stay there, never finding a place where it makes men wallow enough, pressing deeper and harder on men. Those are the easy ones to respond to.

    This one represents somebodies attempt at balance. One may ask how can we in the Christian manosphere object to balance. Its a good question. The answer is more general than anything specific to the article. Imagine a teeter totter with one end mashed firmly into the ground and the other end sticking up high. The end on the ground is men of the church. You cannot bring that back to balance by adding equal weight to each side. Before it can balance, extra weight must be added to the female side….while doing nothing to the men’s side (which means I am fine with admonishing men, just not ONLY admonishing men). This pause for a season of pressing back on women would seem so cruel, so out of context, churches would be left empty. But thats whats needed. At the same time, some lift should be applied to the male side…..encouragement, unconditional. eventually, by preaching corrective to and at women, and sharing encouragement with men (this encouragement MUST include the truth about what women are doing, it would be saying “men, we know women are destroying marriages and corrupting scripture, we feel it with you, be encouraged, God is in control, and nevertheless you still must by XYZ as husbands regardless what women are doing)

    Eventually the men will be lifted, and the women pressed down, because women are utterly out of control and unaccountable as we speak.

    I’m writing a refresher on a bunch of this based on more garbage Ive been emailed by Rainy and his Stepping Up gang. There is so much there that it may be the first time Ive ever done a multi part series post.

    Email me back once you see my message, if you like.

  22. Pingback: Is Mainstream Christianity Dead Set on Destruction of Western Peoples? | Occam's Razor

  23. I’m requesting your permission to use one of your pictures posted on Bing images, It is of a couple sitting in front of a poster that has a bible scripture on it. It would fit perfectly in my blog. There are two blogs connected. The first is “Beware of the independent woman.” The second is become a keeper husband.”

    God bless you,

    Dr. RUss

  24. Interesting blog. Anyone know where I can read the Red Pill book about love and marriage for young Christian men, that Don wrote? (See about 10 posts above)

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