A name so powerful it could be like having bullet proof bracelets

A college buddy of mine who, like me,  grew up in a small town in Appalachian South East Ohio. We lived 20 miles apart but only met once we showed up in the same fraternity.


The area and culture tend to inculcate an enjoyment of hunting and fishing in men starting then they are very small children. Chuck was no different.

He and I, unbeknownst to either, were odd among out high school peers. Both of us intended to go away to college…something only five of one hundred and forty three kids in my ;lass chose. His schools ratio of college attendance was a little better, but still atrocious.

The thing that really set him apart was that his parents were college professors at the nearby state university. So he was raised with some harmless incongruities. He and his father  hunted and fished and otherwise enjoyed rural outdoor pastimes. But Chuck’s dad spoke like a professor, and Chuck did too.

By the time we’d all finished our initial degrees, Chuck had decided to earn a Ph.D. in education. He wanted to follow his fathers footsteps, but to walk further and become the president of a college somewhere. He attended Duquesne for his masters and Drexel for his doctorate.

We lost track for a couple of decades. He showed up on Facebook a few years back and we reconnected. He enthusiastically shared his new found faith with me. He’d attended weekly at the university Episcopal or similar while back home. abut now he lives in the South East. And he met a woman there and married her. He was all in with Baptist style southern religion. No harm done. Just a surprise.

The explanation for his conversion was the second surprise. His wife’s name is “Billie Graham



I could spend some time free range thinking that over. I am not, however, making a derogatory comment about her. I’ve never met or spoken with her. I’m just laying out some facts. that may have been scattered in my mind so that i can show you the thing that nudged me towards a better understanding based on reasonable conclusions drawn from the picture he sent me recently.

He offered to send me one. He may have sensed my lack of interest because it never came.

I wonder, if Wonder Woman showed up would he be more strengthened and encouraged than by the presence of a wife coincidentally named after one of America’s most famous evangelists..


Toward the theory of empathy uber alles

The October issue of Scientific American had an article on the last page titled “Pushed Out”.  The article cites the numbers of people displaced from homelands due to violence and disaster. The numbers are shown on a bar graph where the victims are categorized in one of two ways. “People displaced inside their own country due to violence and disaster and violence” and “Refugees (all causes)”

The surprise result of the study was that the category “Refugees”, which is specifically peoples forced from their country of origin into other nations, receives massively more aid than those displaced inside their own borders. The later category, in 2015, was nearly three times the number of people classified as refugees and received a fraction of the aid..

The article ends with a statement about how the authors couldn’t explain why this is the case. The reality seemed to them to be just about backwards from what it was expected to be. Folks ought to make charity for their neighbors more of a priority, right?

Not if the motive for charity is empathy that can be worn on the sleeve. Not when the flag of the country from which the refugees flee is available on Facebook as a profile pic filter. Not when there isn’t a slogan or meme to be found that references the in-country displaced.

I’ve posted some of the academic work where empathy is studied. The tendency for a person to support the exotic refugee and ignore the neighbor is more proof that empathy is not altruism.


Relationship Growth and the Evolution of The Lift. Introducing, The Roll

The joke is tasteless. I’ll not recite it in full. It is a joke comprised of a question and a response that includes the words, “roll her in flour”.

I know. I understand the revulsion. You are probably thinking , ” Thanks Empath for accessing a place in my memory that had been erased and overwritten multiple times with puppy and bunny photos”. Yep.

Happened to me too when I read this. Her daily caloric intake is 8000. The method of caloric delivery is a funnel. Her belly is 91 inches. And she says:

If I lay down after a big dinner he has to help me roll over because my belly is too full for me to roll — it’s a big turn-on for both of us.”

She eats the Whole Food.

Something gave me a case of the sheets the first week kids went back to school

Adults visit school bathrooms this time of year. This year will be different for lots of people who live in enclaves of idiocy. Bathrooms need a quiet meditative space…an anteroom with a gurgling miniature water fall spilling onto pebbles from stacks of bull rock. Only by providing a place where one can select-a-gender, unhurried, intentional even, can public spaces achieve the, um, Target GPA (gender profile accuracy).

My daughters sixth grade hasn’t yet succumbed. The sheets sent me to the same restroom they would have sent me to a decade ago.

These sheets  are problems that are not limited to the bathroom.

The sheet below is about as benign as can be expected in terms of how administratively burdensome starting a new school year  can be.

Maybe the sheets were structured the same last year and I didn’t notice. Bit I doubt it.

Empath, that they put mom on top, well humina humina if she wanted to be there man.

Why would they change convention that had been in practice since the days when being handed a sheet to fill out meant sometimes a warn curling paper that smelled sorta good. Why make Mom the primary? Is it that so many are divorced, single moms by choice and she don’t need no man anyway? Is it that Mom is easier to reach than dad because she either doesn’t work outside the home or she has a job with more flexibility?

Perish the thought…immediately.

Mom is in good (on this) form, as she should be.





Brilliant Deployment of Passive Aggressive Voice

In this article I found an amazing quote from Sarah Jessica Parker. I’d have said astonishing but for the fact that it took me a minute to get google translate to recognize Passive Aggressive Voice (PAV) as a functional alternate language that just happens to use English words.

SJP was someone I’d seen nor heard from or about in media for a few years. I hadn’t realized that I didn’t miss her. See, that’s how that works. If you don’t miss someone…oh never mind. She has clearly mastered PAV, which is no small task given that it is always self taught.

SJP was doing the interview because she has a new program on HBO starting in October. The show is called Divorce. We around here already know the entire plot line including  exactly how it ends.

The interview was divided into small subtopics, allowing it to go beyond just the HBO program. She made the PAV quote under the subheading Marriage and Divorce.

“For me, it’s really the investment in the other person. And it’s the expectations you have. They change and you get smarter, and maybe you think those expectations aren’t worth striving for with this person, and that’s when people bail.”

Expectations can be and often are a problem in marriage. Specifically too many and too high. We know this already. We know because men adjust our expectations lest we sink deeper into disappointment as the marital years pass. Women have outlandish expectations on their wedding day and, as my Psychologist/Minister acquaintance aptly explained, women see that as day one of the project to remake her man.

Parker feints in the right direction with her (platitudinous) statement that its about investing in the other person. She goes on to say, however, that a woman may end up being unable to redesign her husband. She may instead grow more aware how little progress she has made and decide the guy just isn’t teachable. That leads to divorce.

Empath she was not spouse-specific in either the investment comment or the expectations comment. How do you know that SJP envisions the woman investing in the man, and the woman having high expectations of the man?

That’s easy. First the topic is irrelevant. Women are in their frame of reference, always.

Women see themselves as investing far more than they actually do, and the man investing far less. On expectations, she hasn’t even considered that a man would even have a host of expectations. Because generally men don’t. We realize its a path to disappointment. Women see women’s expectations as righteous and worthy. She is telling them to not leave over her man not living up to her expectations.

Her efforts to get the expectations met are torturing the life and will out of the man. She is frustrated and, per SJP, breaks the marriage over it. No, Parker says don’t do that. Stay and continue increasing expectations. because after all, its about investing in the other spouse. Translation: Its about husband investing in wife. Wife already , like Gandhi and Mother Theresa, gives it all.


But he threw the pizza rolls like a girl

The report says that he (Brad Beard) threw pizza rolls at her and she (Samantha Canipe) threw pizza rolls at him. Cops came. They were charged with one count each of simple assault.

Remember the reaction of the feminist after reading that college freshman admissions were comprised of 60% female and 40% male applicants? She said something like “we are getting closer to equality”

I’m thinking she went on to become a lawmaker in North Carolina where her brand of equality resulted in this display of fairness. :

Police say Beard faces up to 60 days in jail while Canipe faces up to 30 days in jail.

At least in NC they have eliminated the potential for unbalanced sentences for loitering in the washroom designated for the other gender. Now that’s progress(ive).

Stigma vs. Stigmata

Set aside the fact that the second term is one plural form of the first and  bear with me a moment. Because I don’t want it to be that simple. Now, using your own experience imagine the times you’ve heard or read these words. What might someone who is a  consumer of popular culture and modern Christianity  say about them? Most likely they would approximate a definition for stigma. Then, if they have average recall, they’d say the second word has to do with blood coming from the palms of people in scary movies. Yeah pop culture.

The cinematic references are inconsistent with the traditional Christian term stigmata. It is the plural of the noun stigma. It has been used to describe past instances of spontaneous manifestation of scar like marks on, or bleeding from the palms of people who were particularly pious (lacking a better term), like nuns and monks deep into lifetime of sacrifice and service.

Quick Empath get on with it. Or talk about scary movies. One of the two buddy because this is getting tedious.

I’ve had the privilege, mainly through my work,  to befriend a number of older men and their wives. In most cases they had kids m close to my age and i met and knew them as well. These men all profoundly impacted me in some way. They were a sort of amalgamated fatherly influence. It is my sense that those who had no children or those with only daughters found some gratification in mentoring a young man. Some are still around, some  are already gone. Recently I found a thread running through those relationships. It doesn’t touch each and every one as far as I can tell. It is, however,  preponderant.

The common thread is stigma and stigmata. Using the pedestrian definitions mentioned above, the men individually have a stigma, and the women collectively have stigmata. More plainly stated this suggests that the men have one or more major marital infractions while the women have been saintly in their forbearance.

I’ve had conversations with the children of these couples after one or both spouses died. Not being one who easily sustains shallow talk, the conversations I end up having usually drill down. I have heard enough stories about how Mom and Dad didn’t really get along well, but Mom tried her best. Its just that the Dad hurt her when they were young and she could not bring herself fully back into the fold.

Then a couple of months ago I reconnected with a friend I had not spoken to in nearly ten years. He and I took our boys camping and fishing for many years as they grew up in Texas. When I moved away we lost touch. We spoke for a long time when he contacted me. He told me of the deaths of both of his parents. In this case I knew the son and only knew the parents tangentially. So the son was honest.

He told me that his mother had died a few years back, and his father more recently. He chuckled and shared that he had zero idea what was really going on with his parents. They seemed fine. But Dad remarried two months after Mom passed.

I expected to hear he married his paramour. I was floored when my friend said that his father opened up to him, before he died, and told him him miserable life his father had had. His older sisters corroborated. His mother was an insufferable harpy. They had moved to Mexico when my friend was a child and lived for several years as expats. That would have been in the 70’s.

The return to the U.S. was when Mom went bad. She was crestfallen at the loss of the maids and drivers and large home in Mexico Cities swanky diplomatic and expat zone. She became a bitter malcontent. She incessantly nagged and dragged her husband down with expectations unmet until he found work that kept him on the road most of the time.

I had my red pill opener and I used it. And it reminded me of all the other stigma vs. stigmata stories I’d ever heard.

A woman can and will find something to blame for her seething discontent rather than examining her own expectations; expectations constructed more and more using materials provided by the church.  If, after decades of quiet suffering under the rebellion of a disdainful woman during which he maintained a calm gentle demeanor, offered fatherly steady child rearing and made for abundant provision…after all that, if a man deserves derision up to the moment of death, what can any man expect temporally?

This isn’t a question to stir hopelessness. It is more a Shit Happens Deal With It admonition for men to find a way to see the atmosphere of their home both from inside and outside. The view from outside often stands in stark relief to the life he marinates in daily. Talking to others about it, if they have gotten past the withdrawal from blue pills, makes looking from the outside in easier.



Pumping and dumping all day? No way. Be pumped and dumped? You say yeah!

There are folks who can believe anything. Things like

All that glitters is gold. (and Twitters)

What goes up stays up.

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot teach him new tricks.

Worthwhile things in life are easy.

They get their old saws mixed up with their old ratchet sets. The author does that in the article 20 perks of being a single mom (of one kid). In the list are things like (my paraphrase from the original)

-Not having a big pregnant belly!

-Snuggling with your kiddo builds that special mommy

baby bond.

-You can rearrange the furniture and not-need-no-man.

-No man can tell you No; Only your “little nugget” can.

-You only need to prepare one snack bag when you travel.

-No need to be pregnant for five years in a row eh?


And baby weight? Girrrrl:

You don’t have to worry about losing baby weight from baby #2, because instead of being pregnant again, you’re chasing after your toddler solo, crushing the “mom-bod” with nice legs and abs instead of milk-filled DDs and a newborn on your chest. (emphasis mine)


You can go out drinking and:

you don’t have to get home and nurse a newborn, or pump and dump for an entire day


But you can get pumped and dumped as you see fit because:


You’re still a babe, so you can actually look forward to dating instead of being scared of it and feeling “old” — I mean, it is 2016, so who are we kidding? It’s still terrifying thanks to online dating and this odd generation of nonchalant gypsy “men”, but at least you’re still young, fun, and confident – even being a single mama.Which what isn’t to admire about that? You’re strong, independent, and clearly hardworking, so those are major turn-ons. (emphasis mine)


I’m surprised she and her single mama friends are without fully booked agendas. The things she says about herself are such extreme turn-ons that I hope she has most of the dates in shopping mall food courts. Most men would be unable to control their base urges when faced with strong, independent, and hardworking. The crowd would help men maintain.

I cant figure out if she likes the gypsy “men” or not. Prolly depends if they are hawt.

Her article is about the perfectness of single motherhood. It complains about aspects of child rearing and about having a spouse. Neither she nor her go-girl-pals nor her stable of stallions and beta orbiters nor her friends that are married and have kids, none of them realize that the complaints about the mechanics of raising a child apply to her one child and to theirs as well. The complaints about a spouse apply to the spouses of her friends and to every potential spouse she has as well. The ability to simultaneously bash the needs of kids and husbands while heralding her mommy skills and dating value is something to behold.

That her mommy friends don’t see it is predictable. They want to be her. They likely grouse about having to pump and dump breast milk as well. But they want to visit the author’s stable from time to time where pumping and dumping isn’t nearly as much a chore.  .

Ten years from now she will write an article called “20 reasons its super cool to be a MILF with a teenager”

-He always has headphones in so he can’t hear when the

stallions are visiting

-Some of his friends are starting to look hawt.


So forth

The stallions win.

Christian Forums … Catholic Forums You from Jersey, I’m from Jersey HaHaHaHaHa

I went “back to Ohio”, and my city was still gone. The experience was more about learning that scorched earth never regrows beautiful greenery but for willingness to accept divine intervention.

The recent recollection of blog motive had me take a peek at Christian Forums, where it all started. I was not surprised to see a redesigned site. I was very surprised to see many of the same men and women still plowing the same infertile ground. The swords became plow shares but attempts at farming the barren earth have that the tractor is dragging a clanking pile of oxidized sword metal.

No sex for 7 months, proclaims the OP. And they’re off.

The women*:

…..and neither is it “a good thing” for a woman to be pressured and guilted into sex (especially using the Bible to do so! Like Paidiske mentioned earlier…that’s adding in a whole other variety of abuse into the mix).

Sex is (what I believe, anyway) meant to be a mutual expression of love. It’s not something one spouse demands or obligates the other for. That’s loving “pleasure” more than the other person (or even God….as in 2nd Timothy 3:4). I believe that is a “sin” in itself. The OP seems to have a much more generous attitude than a lot of people that are responding….I’m hoping that doesn’t influence his attitude negatively.

The men:

I obviously don’t know you or her well enough to speak absolutely, but I would bet a dollar that it’s one of three things:

1. She is having or has had an affair.
2. She was raped or sexually abused.
3. She is using sex as some sort of leverage.

In any case, she needs to face the realities of abandoning you. A man with no sexual outlet is not a good thing.

and **

I suppose the author could have left out a part about a pelvis crushed in an accident, or could have refrained from initiating or there could be many other factors, in which case my post would not be applicable. That doesn’t appear to be the case.

Every trope of BS that exists for defending women denying sex to husbands is present in this thread. Between the boldness of Biblical admonition, and the blunt psych realities Rollo (and others) explains so eloquently, there is no excuse for the existence of a safe place to regurgitate this canned defensive nonsense.

There is not a microns difference between CF and CAF.

*This -gal- has been dominating the forum for nearly ten years. If it is accepted conventional wisdom, she can wrap it in em,pathetic ribbons and repeat it with both sincerity and a sense that she thinks she is bringing the wisdom fresh for the first time, new ideas.

**This guy is doing a yeoman’s work, he was there in 2009 and 2010 when I was there. He was (mostly) taking no prisoners then, yet somehow he avoided the cleaver that got me and my two inactive blog partners