Yesterday was house cleaning day. It was raining. Now that my wife is degreed, licensed, and credentialed she is finally employed as a neuro-critical-care nurse. This changes the domestic routine a bit.
I was putting the Swiffer to the floor in the bathroom adjacent to my nine year old’s bedroom when I spied a wrinkly note sticking out of the book she is presently reading (Number three or four in the “Land of Stories” series). I thought only dads read books in the bathroom.
I pulled the note out, smoothed it as best I could, read it, photographed it (see below), and decided to ask her about it. The handwriting is not significantly different from hers if she were to have written it in haste. Its tough to read so I decode it just below the image.
I am going to ask you two simple questions, then I’m done trying to ask you stuff and depending on what you say will determine if I talk to you.
Do you like me? Yes No
Do you want to be my girlfriend
I was puzzled that she would write this to a girl. I was not yet bothered because I could envision a context that would explain it, but I did want to understand it. So my wife and I asked her.
It turned out that she is the recipient. The author is a male class mate and grade level cohort since 1st grade. We have known of his crush since 2nd grade. Our daughter talks about him often. He is one of her inner circle of friends. This year they are together both in the classes unique to the gifted program, and they are in the same regular daily classroom.
He has some Steve Urkel traits (The innate nerdiness is present with my daughter as well). He is African American. He wears glasses that may be a bit over sized. His smile bedazzles and his cheerfulness bursts forth. He is a room brightener.
He has a very serious name. I will not use the real one. Rather I will try and create a fictitious one that conveys the same ascot wearing Ivy league imagery that his real name calls to mind. Something like Darvius Terrence Mavis the 3rd (I’ve deemed him DTM3 for short)…which must be cited completely in long form when he refers to himself.
This young man is running some tight game on my girl. He makes it clear in his note that he has a couple of questions that could lead to them being an item, or to him casually nexting her. I like the way this young man rolls. No time to fool with fickle…you want Darvius Terrence Mavis the 3rd at your side or does DTM3 determine that you can’t make a decision? You seem to like having DTM3 in the friend zone. Know this… DTM3 doesn’t do orbiting. He either burns up in the atmosphere or he makes a safe landing but he is heading in….he is not going to hang out at a fixed distance and revolve around a girl. He says, “Answer these questions or you become invisible to me”.
DTM3, she is my girl but I’m paying tribute to you and the tight game you are running here. Now don’t go and ruin it by not following through. I’m intercepting your communications my friend. I’m watching.
Wish I’d have had cold words like DTM3 when I was nine.