DTM3 and Some Tight Cold Game

Yesterday was house cleaning day. It was raining. Now that my wife is degreed, licensed, and credentialed she is finally employed as a neuro-critical-care nurse. This changes the domestic routine a bit.

I was putting the Swiffer to the floor in the bathroom adjacent to my nine year old’s bedroom when I spied a wrinkly note sticking out of the book she is presently reading (Number three or four in the  “Land of Stories” series). I thought only dads read books in the bathroom.

I pulled the note out, smoothed it as best I could, read it, photographed it (see below), and decided to ask her about it. The handwriting is not significantly different from hers if she were to have written it in haste. Its tough to read so I decode it just below the image.

20150823_053701The note says:

I am going to ask you two simple questions, then I’m done trying to ask you stuff and depending on what you say will determine if I talk to you.

  1. Do you like me?    Yes     No

  2. Do you want to be my girlfriend

I was puzzled that she would write this to a girl. I was not yet bothered because I could envision a context that would explain it, but I did want to understand it. So my wife and I asked her.

It turned out that she is the recipient. The author is a male class mate and grade level cohort since 1st grade. We have known of his crush since 2nd grade. Our daughter talks about him often. He is one of her inner circle of friends.  This year they are together both in the classes unique to the gifted program, and they are in the same regular daily classroom.

He has some Steve Urkel traits (The innate nerdiness is present with my daughter as well). He is African American. He wears glasses that may be a bit over sized. His smile bedazzles and his cheerfulness bursts forth. He is a room brightener.

He has a very serious name. I will not use the real one. Rather I will try and create a fictitious one that conveys the same ascot wearing Ivy league imagery that his real name calls to mind. Something like Darvius Terrence Mavis the 3rd (I’ve deemed him DTM3 for short)…which must be cited completely in long form when he refers to himself.

This young man is running some tight game on my girl. He makes it clear in his note that he has a couple of questions that could lead to them being an item, or to him casually nexting her. I like the way this young man rolls. No time to fool with fickle…you want Darvius Terrence Mavis the 3rd at your side or does DTM3 determine that you can’t make a decision? You seem to like having DTM3 in the friend zone. Know this… DTM3 doesn’t do orbiting. He either burns up in the atmosphere or he makes a safe landing but he is heading in….he is not going to hang out at a fixed distance and revolve around a girl.  He says, “Answer these questions or you become invisible to me”.

DTM3, she is my girl but I’m paying tribute to you and the tight game you are running here. Now don’t go and ruin it by not following through. I’m intercepting your communications my friend. I’m watching.

Wish I’d have had cold words like DTM3 when I was nine.

24 thoughts on “DTM3 and Some Tight Cold Game

  1. He’s probably learned he can be this direct because he’s black. A white kid who did this in school would get pumped full of psych dope and sent to a re-education camp.

    I’ve seen older ones do this at HS level. They’ll walk right up to girls and say things nobody else could possibly get away with. If the girls don’t give in on the spot, the black guys will turn aggressive and accuse them of being racist.

    It has nothing to do with Game—double standards, yes.

  2. He’s probably learned he can be this direct because he’s black. A white kid who did this in school would get pumped full of psych dope and sent to a re-education camp.

    Well that didn’t take long, did it?

    A “Steve Urkel” type of boy is hardly going to get belligerent and aggressive in the face of being turned down the way an ill-raised teen aged thug would. You’re equating tangerines with peaches based on the fact that they are both orange.

    Hope all’s well with you and yours, Emp.

  3. Very impressive on all levels.

    Please keep us posted.

    He expressed interest, set the expectation, and advised of the possibilities.

    And its charming as if he has no time to waste, not knowing that all he has IS time, right now.

    How does being nexted by a pre-teen kid look anyhow, given that boys are taught to pedestalize and bow to girls? Will he merely disappear…or will he put her blast, reminding her of who is truly the prize?

  4. Yeah well the fact that he is black is only a point to the extent that the Urkel comparison works, the formal name is of a nature that I admit I’d have assumed he is black if that’s all the info I had, not to mention…. the kids note is every kind of cool. Race is in the information, but the information has nothing to do with how the school would or would not engage kids of difering ethnicity.

    As a racial bookend I have another anecdote…..

    When this same girl of mine was attending a part time pre-school at a local Baptist church there was a little white boy who, upon my first visit to the class he ran up to me and excitedly asked, “Have you seen me?”.

    Ive used that remark as shorthand for the definition of narcissism (in jest).

    Eric, it actually does have to do with game, and has nothing to do with race. You need to believe me that I do not tread lightly, in fear, when race is the topic nor do I avoid race as a topic. So do not mistake this for some kind of political correctness that I am not about to engage race on this matter. They are not teens, he is not a thug or a teen, and there is nothing here but good fun and a game reference.

  5. Many Christians disavow game. This example is an important reason why Christian parents need to understand enough about game to educate and protect their children from those who will use it on them.

  6. If it’s game I didn’t know I had any like that.I don’t consider myself to have any game but if this kid is anything that I’m thinking. If your daughter said no, he literally left it at that and moved on.

  7. This brings to mind my junior-high and high-school years and the couples-culture that existed there. I had several close (guy) friends who hooked up (or got hooked up out of inertia) in junior high school and existed as a couple with the same girl (each guy had his own girl) all the way through high-school graduation. These relationships lasted for a year or so past high-school, and then went ka-put. None of those couples married each other. For all of them, it seems that whatever motivated them to be a junior-high couple was different than whatever motivated them to chose a different person as their life partner. Something about ‘desire can’t be negotiated’, and all that. The appearance of hormones does change the nature of the game (as does the disappearance of hormones later in life).

    The young man in empath’s story may have success with that approach at his young age. I doubt that approach will serve him well after high school. But sounds like he will make a great politician.

  8. Richard:
    He might become a great politician. I had to look up Steve Urkel, but I’ll bet Obama looked just like that once.

  9. RichardP, what would you say about couples that dated through high school, college and eventually married the last semester?

  10. 3rd (?) grade soap opera. Do you know if your daughter responded? She crumpled the note, which tells what she thought of it at first, but she also saved it, which tells it has mattered to her, although we don’t know why (does she reciprocate his interest? was she flattered? would she brag-show it to her girl friends?).

    But how’s it “tight game,” unless you’re joking? It’s an ultimatum of sorts, trying, not too subtly, to force something that isn’t forceable. Though coming from a socially and emotionally immature (duh) young kid, it is understandable and cute. His bold resolve is as impressive as it is foolish.

    My guess is your daughter’d say yes to the first question and no to the second, as she should. And then what? Will he really stop talking to her?

    It’s hard to blame the poor chap, but he puts himself in an uncomfortable corner with this ultimatum. Desperation stinks, even in 3rd grade.

    At their age, there are no real GF/BF relationships, and friendzone isn’t a thing. Everyone is in “friendzone” in elementary years, even though kids have their crushes. He’s probably not even on her BF radar because such relationships are “icky” at that age. As they should be.

    Either way, the kid’s in for a rough year ahead.

  11. Out of the group of couples I was referring to, one couple did stay together after high school and married. They are still together, and have successfully launched several children out into the world. But neither went to college. His dad worked with his hands, doing body work on cars and rebuilding engines. He worked with his hands building cabinets. She was a homemaker. Both of them were exceptionally good-looking in high-school. And both of them were/are still devoutly dedicated to their church (Lutheran I think), but didn’t/don’t let that stop them from going dancing and having the occasional drink (e.g., they seem to have a balanced approach to their faith). Neither one of them seemed to have the burning desire to get out and about and see what the rest of the world has to offer. He has a brother who did have that desire (my classmate), football star in high school, had girls hanging off of him like crazy, and never married.

    So – couples formed at an early age can survive the transition to adulthood. But I’m guessing that is more likely to happen to those comfortable in their own skin from an early age and who don’t have a burning desire to get out and see the world, and maybe work to change it. My high school classmate never was comfortable in his own skin (always insecure) in spite of his good looks and athletic prowess. Both brothers came from the same family, and I understand birth-order issues (subsequent children are never raised by exactly the same parents as those children who came earlier, etc.). But, in this case, I’m thinking it boiled down to differences in personality more than anything else – which is a biological issue, although personality can be affected somewhat by environement. (nurture).

    She was several years older than me in high school and was in one of my classes. I fell in love with her / “the image of who I though she was”, from afar, just like every other guy did. She only had eyes for Ted ever, in spite of all of the others she could have had. She was in high school at the same time the Beach Boys “Help Me Rhonda” was popular. It became a running joke.

    I don’t think I’m violating any confidences by providing this link – since it is already in the public domain. This is a Facebook picture, so maybe you have to be logged in to Facebook to see it?

  12. An aside: I discovered Ted and Rhonda’s Facebook page about two years ago. I had some spare time and was “exploring” Facebook to see who I might find. I kid you not, “Help Me Rhonda” was playing at the moment I disovered Ted and Rhonda’s Facebook page. One of those weird moments in life that happen from time to time.

  13. @sonofdeathswriter

    “If it’s game I didn’t know I had any like that.I don’t consider myself to have any game but if this kid is anything that I’m thinking. If your daughter said no, he literally left it at that and moved on.”

    Which would be entirely appropriate. Would we want our sons to be friend-zoned and end up a beta-orbiter? Hell no.


    “Many Christians disavow game. This example is an important reason why Christian parents need to understand enough about game to educate and protect their children from those who will use it on them.”

    In this case, was this young boy trying to use anything on Empath’s daughter? It seems that one of the issues, as I see it, is that the FI has made is so that young Christian men are told to be nice and supplicating and follow the girls (woman’s) lead, make her feel comfortable, at the risk of his own objective and standards.

    I see two sides of this:

    1. Christian Fathers need to teach their sons early on that pedestalizing and equivocating with the opposite sex is an affront to not only their masculinity, but is also a turn-off to the opposite sex. Teach them to state their objective (which should not be sex), and expectations and don’t play games. If she’s not interested, she should state so directly and clearly, so that everyone can move on. Doing this teaches our sons to avoid oneitis. If they can learn this at a young age, then they won’t be like many of us, for whom oneitis has nearly been our demise. “I like you girl, are you down? If not, peace”.

    2. Christian Fathers need to teach their daughters how to recognize all approaches from the opposite sex (legit or otherwise) and respond appropriately and honestly. We have to be okay with our daughters being roundly nexted for expecting to be treated like a Princess. When a boy says, “do you want to get to know me, Yes or No?”, they can learn to let their “yea and nay” be clear. The possible issue with the “nay” is that certain classes of boys/men might become indignant. This is where girls learn good boundaries and charity. By boundaries I mean, “no hard feelings, but don’t talk to me like that or we’ll have some problems”. By charity I mean not expecting anything else from the young man after saying “no”, especially not friendship. We need to teach our daughters that being a boy’s friend is hardly a consolation prize, and she needs to expect that if he wants to be her friend, that should be his decision solely. Additionally if he’s quick to offer friendship after any rejection, they should be questioning why, and be suspicious.

    The reason I mention Fathers in both scenarios is because the mother would be more likely to suggest in either case that their son become beta orbiters and accept the consolation prize, and/or that their daughters accept beta orbiters. Not good in either case.

    And while they are just kids, his approach is one that, honestly, grown men should be employing. How disgusting is it on social media when you see a woman’s Facebook and Instagram page full of men clicking ‘Like’ on every photo or post that our young women put up? All the pedestalizing and beta-orbiting is ridiculous. If DTM3 is on the right track, he’s not going to do such things.

    You can next and move on respectfully.

  14. Macgruber it IS tight game in that it is not pedestalization and it shows no fear. You are over reading the post though. Its light, its humor.

    The boy, by the way, is not bothering my daughter, he isn’t desperate either. He is quite popular and hilarious, almost as if he stays in a sort of character. Very clever and charming.

    Of course there are no BF GF pairs in actuality at this age. My first GF was only one year later, in 6th grade. I was invited to her home for dinner. her family was the wealthiest in the area, very rural poor part of southern Ohio. Her father had cornered the regional timber market including saw mills and lumber production. So I was the poor son of the single mom waitress….off I went. The very first microwave was just released…the Amana Radar Range and they of course had a shiny new one. In today’s dollars it would have cost $2000.00, it was 1972 or so.

    The mom proudly prepared baked potatoes in it to show off the speed. the plates were filled with meat and veggies and potato…..and I bit into the potato to a distinct CRUNCH, not significantly different than eating raw potato, only it was hot. The whole family was crunching away not acknowledging the problem I guess in respect of the mother’s sense of accomplishment. Then the girl and I repaired to a full blown bar room in the basement where a pool table, ping pong table, etc resided, and we watched one of the three channels their massive tower old school antenna picked up. Them my mother came and got me. Nice. So, were her and I BF GF?

  15. Pingback: Father Knows Best: End of August Linkfest | Patriactionary

  16. Your post is more profound than you know.

    I drafted a note to a group of men in my circle of whom have sons (and daughters) and I thought would benefit from this. Many are still, unfortunately, entrenched in churchian pedestalization, for their fellowships indeed teach a light form of the “Divine Feminine” and, from what I’ve observed and am told, don’t teach Christ like masculinity nor true Biblical Headship (leadership) and Submission (help-meet..suitability) either.

    So I ditched the draft, which went thusly:

    “If we learned how to set the tone the way this young boy does at his age, then we would hardly be, or have been, in certain situations in this life, resulting in our girlfriends/wives being the heads of our households and the pedestalization of the Divine Feminine that is prevalent in almost every Christian church I’ve encountered.

    I don’t have a son, yet was blessed with a daughter, but you all with sons need to teach them that THEY are the prize.

    Men are the prize in all things. Not the lies that we were taught growing up, and in our Churches. We need to teach them that it is men called to lead families into His Glory, to the higher calling in Christ, to be a salt unto the Nations.

    We build all the roads and bridges and put up the light posts and wires and aqueducts and toll bridges and skyscrapers and write all the laws and establish the Ecclesiastical writings and giftings that provide order in His house. We set up all the wireless routers and establish all the safety guidelines and synchronize all the stop lights on every intersection in this city and most other metropolitan area. What they (our sons) need, (and it takes leadership, balls, and encouragement) is to be taught to vet and select a help-meet. (A suitable woman to help them do all the things I listed above that men do). They set the tone; and any young girl (or woman) steps into their frame, and not vice versa, as we were taught.

    Not be like their uncle/cousin Pedat who selected (other than my daughter’s mom) the exact opposite. (the dull, unclean, unconverted, lackluster, pedestrian, phony, duplicitous, sooty and whack, but gosh darn cute and charming ones who presented well. Giving strength to strange and untoward women leave you perpetually behind the 8 ball. Even when you’re married to them.

    Empath is a brother in Christ, and on the surface this meager post is very easy to dismiss, as you’ll see from some of the responses, but if you’re not in tune with what’s happening around us, you’ll miss why he appreciates how this young (black) boy stepped to his daughter. I totally get it. He wants young men to learn to be unequivocal leaders in the body, and when they choose poor help meets, they fail to bear fruit and get anything done…and secondly, he wants his daughter to recognize a man who knows his worth, first and foremost, because women (girls) have no respect for men who ultimately pedestalize them and kiss their asses. Our sons need to say, “I’m trying to get something established here, are you down? If not – beat it.”

    No chasing, no pedestalizing, no jumping through hoops, no supplicating, because boys/men are the prize in all things.

    Then we teach our daughters to recognize game, and be willing to play, under the condition that they keep themselves CHASTE until the boy puts his money where his mouth, has a life that bears fruit, and marries her.”

    So, I get it Empath. It’s subtle, but meaningful…

  17. interesting how you live in a feminist marriage where you send your wife to work to provide like Adam was commanded to and you look after the home like a Titus 2 or P31 woman like a supportive help meet…
    typical of christians
    preach one thing
    practice the opposite to conform to the world…

  18. Would be Jonathan if it were the case. Im not sure what axe you are blundering around trying to grind……sharpen it up and bring it back so i can have a look, k?

  19. you just said in the first few lines that you are doing the domestic duties so your wife can work as a nurse…
    it seems kinda contradictory to everything you have written/more similar to CBMW servant leadership nonsense

  20. I wrote about a moment in time, not a familial structure.

    Replace “so that” with “because” in your paraphrase of my words and it gets closer. After 26 years without a working spouse, now with 3 of 4 kids in college or gone completely, yea, she did it. You have to mine deeply for the nit you are picking. I could construe your reaction as one that eschews being of any assistance at all in the home. If that shits you and yours, good on it, I dont like to sit and do nothing very often.

  21. it is not about sitting and doing nothing… everyone helps in or out of the home
    you implied that you sent your wife to work
    and you had to run the home

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