Husbands have to say “But Mom”

Barbara Rainey is talking about censoring media in the home. She starts by pointing out that censorship can stratify by age of the children and that younger kids be protected from older kids’ preferences.

We’ve seen that an older teen who is making the right kinds of choices can help you establish the right standards for your younger children.

So far so good.

So although everyone has personal tastes in media–TV, movies, music–parents need to take responsibility for setting and maintaining boundaries that work for the entire family

Still tracking ok. But comes the rub.

[  ]you have the right to screen–and to bar–all media consumed by everyone in the household.

Everyone in the household.

I ran afoul of this early in my marriage. I was a new Christian and all in with what was happening as my wife expressed how she didn’t like me listening to a certain musician because he or she was gay. She didn’t like certain fiction I read because she considered it evil. None of these things had anything to do with sex or pornography. She had been raised and lived as a young adult with a set of boundaries, determined by her mother and older sisters, that included:

  • I cannot recall the designer but a certain female designer of clothing was allegedly a satanist, so her family would boycott stores that carried it.
  • The cartoon, The Smurfs was verboten. It had some shamanic aspect.
  • SpongeBob was resisted due to “the way it was drawn”
  • The Little Mermaid movie “had a witch in it”
  • So forth.

I threw away CDs and books. I went to all Christian music and fiction. And I resented it. Years later when we separated for a time and I awoke to my musical preferences and my reading and film preferences it was like a dead part of me returned to life. When we reconciled I did not revert back to the censorship, nor will I ever again.

We are sensible about these things. We do not live unfettered in this regard. And her preconceived rigidity relaxed.

Now with three kids old enough to be able to see what they are made of, when I compare my brood to those who suffered their entire childhoods under mothers that restricted things based on urban legends and a perverse sort of in-group peer pressure to out-Dugger each other, I’m very confident in having made mostly good choices.

Rainey quotes her son’s reaction to the restrictions.

“But, Mom . . .”

I wonder how many men feel they need a similarly functioning lament to lay on their wives.

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108 thoughts on “Husbands have to say “But Mom”

  1. Finished reading King’s “Under the Dome” last week. My wife asked “Are you reading that?” I said, “Yep.” End of discussion. (I didn’t like the book).

    Anything that causes the husband into supplication serves Evangelical Feminism as it frames the wife as the keeper of the moral gates. It defeats the Gospel (in her life) by making her the covering instead of the husband. One more thing to be malcontent about.

  2. Empath,

    Same thing in my marriage. My .45 and 9mm reloading was relegated to the garage. I didn’t hunt or 1/100th of what I wanted and when I did, all I heard was how much time it took away from her. Mind you, I hunted a mile from home and didn’t stay over night. Now I reload when I want and I bought property quads and I am gone most of the fall weekends. If she doesn’t want to go, I go with a friend or my son.

    I have a question. She use to reject me in bed for years, now that she has seen the light, she doesn’t reject, but only passionate/enthusiastic about once per week or every other week. I can initiate nightly and she will not reject me, but will lie there, not in protest. She is sensitive to me when I’m done and snuggles up to me after. At times I took advantage of it and would initiate nightly, but sometimes I don’t feel like a “man” for not getting her in the mood. Notice, when I initiate on those nights, she asks if we can just do a quickie, duh of course. QUESTION: Should I just be grateful for this and initiate when I want regardless of what she does… ie., if she wants to join in great, if not who cares?

  3. GIL
    I liked that book. Lot of book to wade through if you didn’t like it. I liked his cute reference to Jack Reacher in the book when the protagonist says, “Get me Jack Reacher”. I enjoy books with folks in circumstances….its why I like post apocalyptic books so much…..think Earth Abides ( written in 1042 I think, or so, the original post apocalyptic book in the vein of these others), The Stand, Swan Song, or newer, The Passage by Justin Cronin (the best post apocalyptic book Ive read), The Road, and Dead Lands (which is new and a very good read).

    These were books my wife would wind up like a top about. My oldest son (22) shares the reading passion and taste in books and it and tennis are two connections we have that we will always have.

  4. Jeff

    The thing with the willing wife who less frequently is enthusiastic is not uncommon. The verbalizing of “can this be a quickie” is problematic because it is a cold bucket of water. Pretending through non participation is on thing. being asked to hurry it up is a deal kill.

  5. The first thing that husbands need to sensor in their own households are all things Rainey (and FotF, and Family Life, and …).

  6. The allusions were too heavy handed for me, too many pages going to an overly foreshadowed place. I like his writing, plot device was good, the end just left me flat. No typical King schadenfreude of the just deserts of his villains. Overly abstract resolution of conflict. (i liked “The Stand” and “Black House” much better.)

    @Jeff. How does her lack of sexual appetite reflect on your masculinity? It’s good for her to take care of your needs and not require you to wind her up. I had to get past this myself. Increasing frequency seems to have reset my wife over time (it’s a biochemical thing as well as an emotional thing). Feminists are the ones that insist on complicating everything to the point of total collapse. You have a need, you have a wife, why complicate it? She needs a roof over her head does she have to do choreplay/foreplay (an emotional down payment?) to earn that or is this just expected as the result of her being your wife? Spouses are supposed to meet each others needs.

  7. She’s never said to hurry it up or are you done yet. She use to a few years ago. Now she asks if we can just do a quickie. I have before and can ask middle of day, morning, shower. I am just asking if I should take this as grace extended. Brad A says I should be happy at because a lot of men on these sites are not getting any.

  8. @feeriker, I started giving my wife feedback when she watches the Duggers and other stuff I find marginally objectionable. Some stuff is out of bounds. We don ‘t tolerate much Churchianity in our home. We both went through the story of Melinda Gates and her partnership with Amy Grant the other day and she just shook her head. She is read in on the problems of feminist culture and it ingress into the church, but we are still in the process of sweeping the leaven out of our house.

    The big one I watch for these days is vanity, anything that causes a lack of contentment has GOT TO GO.

  9. Yeah, at first I was going nightly. I figured I was giving her a little testosterone, so I was hoping to inject her with as much as possible. Lol! Reading what I wrote makes me realize I provide A LOT for her, and she is trying to be spiritual by not depriving.

    James Rawles has some good books too. Patriot etc.

  10. @jeff, is asking for “a quickie” pleasing to you? Does it help anything? Isn’t there something she might be able to do to ENSURE that it is a quickie besides asking? What is the motive? If it isn’t to please you it’s symptomatic of a begrudging heart.

    I might ask: You have something you need to get to that’s more important?
    (Hint: There shouldn’t be a yes answer).

    I would also point out to her that she can help make it a quickie (by avid participation).

  11. I think her motive is to please me, and to please the Lord. Something more important to her? I have layed out RP truths and she is not only getting it (slowly), but she is submitting to requests she would have balked at in the past. She is so utterly inefficient and unorganized (part of FI to do what and when they want) that she exhausts herself. I have been helping her get on task, but she doesn’t quite have the energy she use to at 52+. I have several businesses that she does my bookkeeping for and kids she put before the marriage and is now trying to figure out how to balance that now that they are late teens and we will soon be empty nest (years off). She realizes she’ll be alone if she doesn’t wake up to her destructive behavior.

    My daughter and son are getting RP truths as well.

  12. I’m a single man and I love hearing about the problems of married men! The drive to get married is largely buoyed up by an irrational optimism that “on the other side of this wall lies happily ever after if I could just get there!” The rational mind says “marriage ain’t no bed of roses, at best” but often gets ignored. It’s good to have outside voices chime in on the factual side.

  13. Believe me when I tell you dread works. She threatened to get a hotel room one night last summer. I grabbed every personal item she had (clothes, shoes, makeup, toilettries, purse, hairdryers) and put them in leaf bags and threw them on the back porch. I told her if she didn’t stay here she can expect different locks in the morning and different bank accounts by next afternoon.

    She really hasn’t gone off the deep end since.

  14. @Jeff

    Believe me when I tell you dread works. She threatened to get a hotel room one night last summer. I grabbed every personal item she had (clothes, shoes, makeup, toilettries, purse, hairdryers) and put them in leaf bags and threw them on the back porch. I told her if she didn’t stay here she can expect different locks in the morning and different bank accounts by next afternoon.

    If you meant to follow through, that’s not really Dread Game. Dread Game is manipulation without commitment; the male version of a Shit Test where you might follow-through, you might let it go, or you might do something else altogether.

    That being said: I don’t see your actions as a wrong choice if you were committed to follow-through. Empath and GIL are right that the police and courts may very well punish you for it, but you would retain your honor.

    The question of whether your family and friends would retain theirs by supporting you against an unjust wife and courts is another matter.

  15. “Violence” against property comes to mind. That and “I’m afraid for my safety, my husband is putting my personal affects in garbage bags”………DV/Jail/Fail.

  16. GIL

    Heck yes it does. The farmer with dwindling crops, the sale of the tractor for a years worth of cash, all these are great analogies to the crowding out of male virtue for the flitting emotional vanity of women, done by both men and women, women for the obvious reasons and men for Lift Chasing.

    The model fits all cultural degradation and increases in social pathology. Its good diminishing, albeit asymptotically.

  17. Society selling the seed corn of respect for males, the tractor of his productivity as he resigns from an unprofitable venture, papered over with consumerism in the form of feminist acquisition of male resources (be they financial/cultural/faith). Everything’s good since they get more of the ever diminishing pie.

  18. The “man-up” messaging is a backwards tacit call for males to be more respectable while in the same fell movement they are removing ALL opportunity to develop/exhibit that respect.

  19. What happens when all choices are dead ends?

    Great question to marinate in as I leave to attend my younger son’s high school graduation.

    Thanks man, just thanks

  20. “Husbands have to say “But mom”…”

    ONLY if you’re a husband. I’m NOT, nor will I ever be.
    The crap you have to go through for the crap you have to put up with, is just not worth the crap.
    ALL women ARE ‘Like That’, especially the ones that say that they aren’t; and the ones that aren’t ‘Like That’ RIGHT NOW, can become ‘Like That’ at a moment’s notice at anytime in the future, because they have the full support of society, the legal system, and especially Big Daddy Government.
    Marry? I’d rather play Russian Roulette with a revolver with two empty cylinders — because it’s cheaper, a lot quicker and painless, and the odds are the same.

    MGTOW — because it’s better to be single than to wish that you were.

  21. That dread may work until the law engages. Then you’ll rue the day you used that specific dread.

    The most effective –and easiest to execute– form of dread is this one: “you walk out that door, and I promise you that someone else will replace you before the sun rises tomorrow morning.”

  22. Jeff:
    Forget this ‘dread’ bullshit. I doesn’t work and it’s counterproductive.

    Don’t ask for sex with your wife. Just take it.

  23. @Jeff,
    I know I’ll probably smack my head and say “Duh” but what are “RP truths” ?

    Also I’m glad your bride is being responsive sexually on some level, I’m going on 20 plus years without anything.

  24. “I threw away CDs and books. I went to all Christian music and fiction. And I resented it. Years later when we separated for a time and I awoke to my musical preferences and my reading and film preferences it was like a dead part of me returned to life. When we reconciled I did not revert back to the censorship, nor will I ever again.”

    I understand your struggle as I struggled with the same thing.

  25. empath:

    I read Barbara Rainey’s article, which you cited.

    One quibble: She’s addressing it to parents, not just moms.

    You attributed to her the notion that mom has the right to screen and bar all media in the house, including that consumed by dad. I don’t think that’s what she said or implied. I think she said PARENTS have the right to screen and bar all media consumed by everyone in the house.

    That said, I think it’s not a far stretch for a mom reading this to arrogate to herself the right to do exactly what you said, which was that MOM has the right to screen and bar all media consumed in the house, including that media consumed by Dad. And as a practical matter, mothers are the ones who are far more “concerned” about this than dads are, at least outwardly.

  26. Wife complained about all I read and watched. I just didn’t in front of her except Xfiles night. She learned to like it. I have close friends who were SEALs and Rangers and like to swap stories and books. I’m not giving those entertainments up.

    As far as dread, it did work and I have been through worse than anything she could throw my way. When I was BP I just wanted peace. Don’t care for “peace” with her anymore. I want peace of mind. She absolutely knows this and has been more submissive on/off and trying (so gotta give her credit) since that episode. I am SMV way above her and MMV too, but if the worst happened I’m not stupid enough to engage again… crazy, not stupid. Until RP I just suffered in silence.

  27. @elovesc34. If they insist on the “mono” part is it to much for us to require the “gamy” part? It is ONE word. (I of course am using the “gamous” suffix in the Adam/Eve knowing (marriage) sense.)
    Evangelical feminism has served to separate the issues, obligating the men to fidelity to their vows while absolving women from theirs, the subsequent neutering has only made it easier for hypergamous wives to reject their cuckold to Personal Jesus husbands.

    RP=Red Pill

  28. Empath, love you blog!

    I asked before, but can’t remember which thread it was…but what is “Lift Chasing”?

    @Jeff

    Cane rightly stated: “The question of whether your family and friends would retain theirs by supporting you against an unjust wife and courts is another matter.”

    If you’re on the RP island, you’re toast. You would need support…faithful witnesses to your faithful witness.

  29. The sheer amount of wriggling that liberal pastors/ministers and feminists in the Church do to avoid dealing with 1Corinthians 7 is remarkable. The mutual consent, the surrendering each to the body of the other…means nothing. Ultimately this is about control by one person in the marriage. However a henpecked husband is comical, pitied a little with contempt or even lucky to have such a Strong Woman. Emotional abuse apparently only goes one way. This is because women’s sins are considered harmless, or not even sins at all. So even this most basic and important aspect of marriage is blocked by a wall of pride and self justifying.

    For a husband to call hhis wife out on sinful behaviour,, he has to be strong, and accept however much it grieves him that she may hate him for it. This is the real being like Christ to her, doing what is right even when all you get is hate. That was what our Saviour got. For a Christian there is no guarantee of reward for good behaviour in tihis world.

  30. GIL:
    If a wife loves her husband, she’ll submit to him, and if she doesn’t love him no amount of instilling fear will make her either love him or submit to him.

  31. Deti

    I was absent a day, sorry for the moderation Purgatory.

    I am of course aware that the article was talking , initially, about kids. I disagree with you that it is only that some mom may read into it that she can stifle the dads media consumption. In the context of my unhealthy but near steady diet of their emails and advice I am confident that she meant to say exactly that dads are not immune to the holy spirit morality of the moms urges to control everything. I am confident she boldly was staking out media as the sole purview of the more holy mother.

    The whole sentence is:

    As long as your child resides under your roof, you have the right to screen–and to bar–all media consumed by everyone in the household.

    Expanded

    As long as your child resides under your roof(parents), you (parents) have the right to screen–and to bar–all media consumed by everyone (here the pronoun “everyone” cannot refer to parents…plural… or she’d have said -to any child living under your roof-) in the household.

    She was being passive aggressive in the way she included dad in the implied list of who can be censored.

  32. Somewhat tangentially, the “Mom Uber Alles” and “All Mom, All The Time” mindsets are arguably among the most distructive of marital happiness. “Mom Uber Alles” leads to children informing their father “I’m doing this because MOM SAID”, thereby explicitly citing the modern church’s domestic hierarchy:

    God -> Woman -> Children -> Man -> Pets

    Jeff
    When I was BP I just wanted peace. Don’t care for “peace” with her anymore. I want peace of mind

    It seems likely to me that a common Beta trait is “conflict avoidant” with regard to women. We don’t see the point in picking a fight with someone clearly physically inferior, it looks like bullying, but the women take conflict avoidance as “he won’t stand up to me”. So we want peace, but we must prepare for war, because that is the path to peace of mind. It’s also the only way to knock down and put down “Mom Uber Alles”, although eventually she has to accept this herself.

    “All Mom All The Time” is more insidious and in fact is encouraged among the feminized churchians, because children are SO IMPORTANT TO OUR FUTURE that a woman simply has to make them the center of her existence. In practical terms this means she reluctantly agrees to “date night” (a dubious idea in itself) but obsessively keeps checking her phone on the “date” with that guy, what’s his name? Oh, never mind, checking the phone for texts / calls from the kids or babysitter is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than actually trying to pretend to be anything other than MOM. This also means she won’t let herself submit, that sex is just another domestic chore like cleaning a toilet – get it done, is it done yet?

    MOM is not the most important office for a married woman. Not even close. “Wife” is.

  33. Jeff:
    If you want peace and to avoid a costly divorce, ignore these Male Feminists in the Game Cult. Marriages are not about conflict and power-plays and it doesn’t make you a ‘Beta Chump’ to seek peace. Look at the great historical leaders—they maintained peace at home and defended their homes from threats abroad. That’s what ‘Alpha Leaders’ actually do. Peace at home will bring you peace of mind.

  34. GIL:
    I would say more optimally like a triangle, with God at the Apex and husband and wife on both corners, the lines representing an energy flow God-Husband-Wife-and back to God.

  35. @ Matt:

    I guess there are a minority of marriages where both parties are mostly pleased with one another much of the time; but I guess very few. I’ve been divorced twice. Not for me again, but I am 51 and I am extremely blessed with a wonderful son who I have joint custody of and about half each week with. I adore him and he loves and respects me. At 15 years of age nobody at this point can hurt our relationship, but it was rough going for a while. Marriage mostly sucks and divorce is devastating, especially for men who have children with the divorcee.

    Opting to never marry and never have children is quite a choice. I wouldn’t trade all the pain I’ve been through and not have my son. He was worth it all. If you are a young man I would advise you to not totally give up on marriage and children. There are intelligent measures you might want to consider before marrying if you have a few dollars such as establishing a trust to conceal your money “just in case”. Also always spend much time with your children to be able to show in court that you have always been at least an equal primary care giver. Also, the more time you spend with a baby and toddler, the more the child will be permanently bonded and attached to you. In this age of divorce this is a very important point to be retroactive about.

    May God bless you in this nutty world……..

  36. @Jeff “As far as dread, it did work and I have been through worse than anything she could throw my way. When I was BP I just wanted peace. Don’t care for “peace” with her anymore. I want peace of mind.”

    You have successfully overcome something I call, “The Adam Spirit”. Adam’s sin was risk/reward rationalization of moral cowardice when faced with Eve’s evil; he silently acquiesced to an sin he should have rebuked Eve for. I believe this a sin woven into the bones of every man on the planet in the same way “The Eve Spirit” of rebellion to Godly authority is woven into the bones of every woman. These sins seem to be as unconscious and ubiquitous as breathing for both sexes.

  37. @ Eric

    In terms of value to the Kingdom of God, the triangle is a good representation.

    In terms of authority, the triangle is a common symbol used by most protestant congregations to undermine a Father’s authority in his home. Since the latter is the commonly used, the example in modern times is a bad one.

  38. Just reading some Rollo and am putting together that the “lift chasing” is a feature of egalitarian expectations from a relationship. The basic idea being that men are to be the approval givers not the approval seekers.

  39. Regular Guy & GIL:
    Being Catholic, I didn’t how the Protestants employed it. The Ancient Jews used to use a diagram with two pillars, but New Age Cabalism has perverted that, too.

    The problem is that Churchian Gamers have coined a neologism ‘Equalist’ which I think GIL was referring to from Tomassi, who’s a big promoter of the idea. Because they base all their philosophy on Feminist definitions, the Gamers believe that Biblical references about female submission and the husband’s authority translates to gender supremacy and the idea of equality is repugnant to them.

    The reality is that a marriage is a unity and equality exists within a polarity. Think of the poles on an electric motor—neither is ‘superior’ but they both need to function optimally within their specific natures to work.

  40. I think the Trinity is the best example of what I’m talking about. Neither the Father, Son or Holy Spirit is going to strive for their part in singularity, they are One. However the Father is the base out of which the Holy Spirit and the Son operated out of.

    Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us. Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father? Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works. Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works’ sake. Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
    (Joh 14:8-12)

    But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
    (Mat 24:36)

    Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
    (Php 2:5-8)

    The problem with the egalitarians is that they take the singularity of marriage (one flesh), and they invert the model of it we see in the Godhead. They argue that it IS robbery for the husband to be the priest of his home, his wife and children. They hate God’s authority and the husbands as His representative. A husband with an egalitarian mindset puts unrealistic demands on his wife because he has been taught to ignore THIS:

    Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
    (1Pe 3:7)

    She’s NOT an equal vessel, she’s a weaker vessel.

  41. GIL:
    The wife is not equal in the sense that she has the same duties and obligations as the husband, but she is equal in the sense that there are duties and obligations unique to her position as wife. And the feminists ignore those, too.

    The problem is that the Churchian Gamers likewise invert the idea of the Godhead and assign to men BOTH positions—making the wife into something irrelevant. IOW, they put unrealistic demands on the husband. Their whole concept of feminine duty to God revolves around them sexually serving the husband and nothing else.

  42. Also, I would point out that while wives serving husbands sexually is reactionary it’s also something that is in serious need of redress in this society. Addressing this as a problem I think will tend to have a positive affect on a lot of the other problems. Feminist’s refusal of the marriage bed is a core feature of their rebellion.

  43. Returning to the OP, there is an unstated premise of moral superiority involved. It is implied but not stated that women are somehow superior to all others in their moral sensibility. This is one of the premises one often finds in those who pedestalize women; the “women are wonderful” group, such as neo-Victorians who pride themselves more on their “traditional conservatism” than on anything else. Elsewhere I’ve recounted the story of the genX man I met in a coffee shop who had an app that saved all URL’s his computer loaded, and emailed them regularly to his wife; she was his “accountability partner” to keep him on the straight and narrow in browsing, but there was nothing like that on her machine.

    I don’t see any reason to make women gatekeepers of what men read. But it is quite common.

    Others can comment on the notion that women are “more moral” than men in the context of the Bible.

  44. Also, I would point out that while wives serving husbands sexually is reactionary it’s also something that is in serious need of redress in this society. Addressing this as a problem I think will tend to have a positive affect on a lot of the other problems. Feminist’s refusal of the marriage bed is a core feature of their rebellion.

    2nd stage feminists and 3rd stage feminists have different opinions. However the aging Boomer 2nd stage feminists are becoming irrelevant, although their hatred of men lingers on in Title IX, VAWA, divorce law, and so forth. What is more subtle is the modern notion that women in their 20’s should not marry until they are close to the Wall at 30. Couple that with the ongoing shift in higher education to female domination and there’s a clear drift towards something matrifocal if not outright matriarchal. For example the couple I encountered today: a woman in ther 20’s who was an EMT is now a med student, her man drives for FedEx. IF she becomes a doctor, which may not happen because there are some standards even now, she’ll majorly out earn him. He’ll have to be a house husband. The issues that arise from that are complex.

  45. Vasc….there are no posts trapped in mod. And of course you are not banned or blocked. I have no idea why you are experiencing trouble. Seems it cleared up since you were able to post the test.

  46. GIL:
    I agree that wives serving husbands sexually does need to be addressed in the churches. From what I read elsewhere, so does the issue of Christian women NOT sexually serving men other than their husbands.

    This isn’t going to be accomplished though by Gamecock methods. Women have to understand polarity: in the feminine constitution, submission is the source of their strength. Feminism actually weakened women by making them expendable; and the Gamers capitalize on that.

  47. @Eric

    ”The wife is not equal in the sense that she has the same duties and obligations as the husband, but she is equal in the sense that there are duties and obligations unique to her position as wife. And the feminists ignore those, too.”

    I just chuck out the definition of equality(except mathematical and equal justice under the law) altogether .Why the insistence of egalitarianism?

    The parable of the talents in an apt description of the different roles of husband and wife.

    The roles of husband and wife and complementary yes. But also hierarchy with man bearing the role of headship.

  48. I’m not a proponent of Game. I do think we are to be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Understanding the principles of why our fallen nature responds the way it does gives insights into the weaknesses that the enemy exploits. Why would Game work on my wife? As an exercise this is a worthwhile question, along with: does Game work on my wife? Ignoring all of this is whistling past the graveyard.

  49. BTW, my current understanding is that Game works on a lack of contentment. Rooting out the things that cause a lack of contentment is the best anti-Game antidote I can imagine at this point.

    Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
    (Php 4:6-8)

  50. Infowarrior:
    Yin/Yang was kind of what I was thinking of. There’s a difference between equality within a polarity and egalitarianism as the Feminists and Gamesters mean it. Game accepts the Feminist definition for everything: hence they can’t think of polarity as anything but anti-male.

  51. BTW, my current understanding is that Game works on a lack of contentment.

    Maybe sometimes that is true. But Game works well on women who are content as well. Why do you suppose that is?

    Eric(a)
    Game accepts the Feminist definition for everything:

    No, Eric()a, it’s been explained to you multiple times that this isn’t true.
    Repeating a lie does not make it so. Remember that, ok?

    hence they can’t think of polarity as anything but anti-male.

    And furthermore, lying in such a stupid fashion is really pathetic.
    Game is all about polarity, Eric(a). Is that why you fear it so much?
    Because you fear your own natural inclinations, whatever they may be?

  52. AR:
    The Game Cult doesn’t teach gender polarity, it teaches gender supremacy. And how many times have their own gurus claimed that all women are feminists by nature? The same thing femihags say and both start from that presumption.

    Game doesn’t ‘work’ at all—except on low-value women who want to be used and manipulated.

  53. I remember reading in a theology book at some point that “peace” to God means order (as opposed to chaos and disorder..the Devil is the master of those), not necessarily the absence of conflict per se. Betas who crave “peace” are defining it as the absence of conflict (bought at any price), rather than the peace of order/heirarchy, which is what the Lord intends. This type of peace often must be imposed upon the rebellious.

  54. Poke:
    What the Churchian Gamers can’t seem to grasp is that Love and Rebellion are mutually exclusive concepts. Civil wars don’t happen out of mutual love.

  55. AR. So you have a lot of experience gaming content women?

    You ever have a content woman fitness-test you? If so she wasn’t very content was she?

  56. AR:
    The Game Cult doesn’t teach gender polarity, it teaches gender supremacy.

    Do you often contradict yourself?

    And how many times have their own gurus claimed that all women are feminists by nature?

    No idea, can you answer your own question with references such as specific quotes?

    The same thing femihags say and both start from that presumption.

    Oh, please, child. I lived through part of the 2nd Wave, I am quite familiar with the Marxist/Feminist concept of “false consciousness”, which contradicts your little claim above.

    Game doesn’t ‘work’ at all—except on low-value women who want to be used and manipulated.

    Applied psychology works on all women to varying degrees. Your ignorance, and bitterness, is showing once again.

  57. PokeSalad
    Betas who crave “peace” are defining it as the absence of conflict (bought at any price), rather than the peace of order/heirarchy, which is what the Lord intends.

    This is very interesting. Yes, many men are confused by the notion of “peace” as commonly taught, i.e. absence of any conflict, to be bought as you say “at any price”.

    This type of peace often must be imposed upon the rebellious.

    The first step to domestic peace is often going to lead to increased conflict. Whether one approaches it in terms of Gaming a defiant woman or applying Headship to a rebellious one, the first reaction of such a woman is to double down on fighting. The worst thing a man can do at that point is back down.

  58. GIL
    AR. So you have a lot of experience gaming content women?

    Where did I say or even imply such a thing?

    You ever have a content woman fitness-test you? If so she wasn’t very content was she?

    Seems to me women by definition are never going to be content all the time. So, hmm, one might have a case where a woman is mostly content, but at some point of the month or the year she rears up and not only gets discontent but starts with the testing.

    So the state of contentedness likely must be taught. Some women, and I’m thinking of the wives of a couple of friends, willl never get there. If nothing else, they associate with discontented women & pick up on that.

  59. AR, so what should we do if Game is working on our wife? Use game or work on the underlying spiritual problem that is causing game to work? The lack of contentment.

  60. AR, so what should we do if Game is working on our wife?

    Hmm. Not sure the question makes sense. In evo-psych terms, you are asking “what should we do if a wife turns out to be a woman?”, in Bible terms you are asking “What should we do if a wife turns out to be a Daughter of Eve?”. Women are what they are.

    The question I’d ask to answer is: “what’s the objective?” A man who is seeking to manage a contentious woman might just want to dial the conflict level back from 11 to something more tolerable, such as 5. A man who is dealing with a wife that isn’t quite so contentious might desire some other objective, such as “wife learns to be more content”.

    In my opinion, Game enables a man to manage women. Not necessarily to lead them, but certainly to manage them. To a man who is contemplating living in a tent on the roof of his house, that’s a definite improvement. Game won’t by itself cause a woman to submit, though, I believe she has to make that decision for herself.

    Use game or work on the underlying spiritual problem that is causing game to work? The lack of contentment.

    Uh, the underlying problem that causes Game to work is “the genetic tendencies of women going back millennia” from one perspective, or “Original Sin” from another perspective. Game works for the same reason that we men prefer to look at women with a hip-to-waist-ratio of 0.75, because that’s how we are. Women crave to be led, but only by a man who trips their attraction triggers, because that’s how they are. They despise being led by a man who is not attractive to them, because that’s how they are.

    So it appears you are asking “my wife is a woman, how can I change that?” but maybe I am not reading clearly.

  61. Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

    Or just be a woman and let your husband endlessly and tirelessly run Game on you because God made women to be irresponsible children.

    I expect more from my wife. How is that for Game?

  62. Or just be a woman and let your husband endlessly and tirelessly run Game on you because God made women to be irresponsible children.

    You appear to be offering a false dichotomy. Did you mean to do that?

    I expect more from my wife. How is that for Game?

    Well, the obvious question would be: is it working? And what’s your point?

  63. Well, you’ve completely gamma’d your way through this argument thus far. You won’t answer a straight question, preferring to project what you think my argument is on me.

    I expect my wife to be content, when she is not she is in sin. I don’t expect to run psychological games on her in order to get her to do what God has clearly commanded she do. You apparently think her Maker and the Bible need the help of psychology (and a husband well versed in extra-biblical hypotheses about as easy to nail down as Jello) which puts you in the same camp as Dennis Rainey and Charles Dobson in my mind.

    First, do you argue that game works on a lack of contentment?
    What is the solution for a lack of contentment? (Hint: Phil 4:4-7)
    What false dichotomy, specifically?
    “Is it working?” Do you know the difference between pragmatism and faith?

    My Bible says that my wife is the weaker vessel, and that in Christ there is neither male nor female. I suggest you start studying yours and treat that as truth rather than your latest pop-psychology fetish.

  64. And to be very specific, so you cannot gamma weasel out so easily, the solution to a lack of contentment is found in Philippians 4:4-7 (whether for male or female). Do you have another solution when you “woman” shit test you due to her lack of contentment? If it was a false dichotomy it was yours and I was just enunciating it. Please explain how your solution is not game rather than Philippians 4:4-7.

  65. As far as what “works”. Satan convinced Eve (due to her fallible nature) that eating the forbidden fruit would not mean what God had said it would mean, spiritual and physical death. She listened, it “worked” for Satan.

    Playing on my wife’s sin nature and calling that “working” because I so deeply understand it through the study and practice of game does not WORK for me. Counting on my wife’s failings (fallen nature) to lead her seems like a pathetic excuse for leadership in my book.

  66. GIL:
    Good points. Here’s another passage that the Churchian Gamers never want to address. It applies to a Christian marriage or any other Christian society:

    “And we have known and believed that Love which God has for us. God is Love, and he who lives in Love lives in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have courage in the Day of Judgment, because as He is, so are we in the world. There is no fear in love, because a perfect love drives away fear, because to fear is to torment. He who fears is not made perfect in Love. We love Him, because He first loved us.” (I Jno. iv:16-19)

    There’s the model, in plain language, of a Christian relationship. Here’s another:

    “But from the beginning, God made male and female. Because of this, a man shall leave his father and mother and be conjoined to his wife. And the two shall be one flesh; after that, they are not two, but one flesh.” (St. Mark x:6-8)

    Rather negates the whole idea of ‘obedience training’ and ‘dread gaming’ we hear from the Gamecocks, doesn’t it?

    It’s as simple as you said: if there is a lack of contentment, one party or both is out of sync with the Will of God; and it follows logically that if psychological warfare is being employed, it’s not being done out of love. There’s no consistent way Game can be reconciled with Faith.

  67. Teaser:

    Time to get the accountability group together . . . I can tell them but I definitely can’t tell my wife. It would really hurt her and I want to spare her the pain.

    Every married man understands this logic. When we’ve sinned sexually against her, our wife is the last person on earth we want to talk to about it.

    Question: Is it really because we want to spare her the pain or spare ourselves the shame?

    There’s something too easy in telling only the guys – all of whom struggle or have struggled with sexual sin. There’s a safe comfort in the fellowship of failure. It’s a no-risk proposition. After all, you’re confessing your sin (against another person who isn’t present) to a group of guys who have pledged that no matter what you’ve done you will never be rejected and nothing, absolutely nothing, of what gets said will violate the gag-order you’ve all agreed to.

    That’s not what Jesus did.

  68. The dude (Jacobson) is piping pure Churchian horse-dropping.

    When you’ve increasing numbers of idiots promoting this form of “adultery” as cause for divorce adding your wife as an accountability partner and crying to her about how sorry you are that you have “wronged” her sexually is a fast track to D-papers and/or a sexless marriage.

  69. I prefer to tell my wife to submit her body sexually to me, as the Bible repeatedly states and take the pressure off so I’m not as tempted to commit said “adultery”. If she isn’t going to be accountable to me in submission I certainly am not going to be confessing those areas where I have been tempted to her due in part to her sin. That would be compounding stupidity.

  70. Every one of this man’s posts get pinned and repinned on Pinterest, GIL. That’s where I discovered him. The ladies like him.

  71. Well, Yee—-haaaw. And who is supposed to be doing the confessing again? He may be satisfied with the Pinterest “Lifts” from this strategy but I’ll guarantee any men stupid enough to listen won’t be from their wives (or God).

  72. Well, you’ve completely gamma’d your way through this argument thus far.

    Childish namecalling is not very impressive. You should bear that in mind.

    You won’t answer a straight question,

    This is not true, I have answered questions more than once in this comment thread from you.

    Here: https://empathological.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/husbands-have-to-say-but-mom/#comment-9927

    and

    Here: https://empathological.wordpress.com/2015/05/19/husbands-have-to-say-but-mom/#comment-9929

    You have responded to these postings, therefore you have seen me answer straight questions.
    Therefore, you are knowingly making a false claim, and asserting that it is true.
    That is called “lying”.

    Therefore I charge that you are a liar. Or, to use some other words you probably won’t recognize, you are a “bearer of false witness”.

    I suggest you retract your lie, if you actually wish to have a serious discussion. Otherwise, you go in the same category as Eric(a).

    Your choice. Truth or lies? Your answer will tell me what your actual religion is.

  73. El:
    Like most Churchian women today, they probably like his advice because it justifies the infidelity they’ve already been committing themselves. Jacobsen’s advice is just as the Churchian Gamers.

  74. Ive written several posts after as well as innumerable comments about this kind of accountability and the female fetish that it caters to when the notion of confession of EVERY whim comes up. This topic was one of the catalysts that ended up with me being banned from christian forums.

    The women were arguing against an example I gave. I asked if a man had an affair 10 years ago, one off one night never done it again, today 10 years hence is he obliged to confess it to her?

    The most clever rebuke was “so….its a matter of how long ago its been….who makes that call?
    I replied, “no, its not a matter of how long ago its been” and left it.

    The histrionics were cliches

    He is living a lie…..and….its a lie of omission , were the most frequent quips.

    Women are able to bend light, did you know that? because the power it takes to bend the definitions of words and the meanings of phrases is a power the top physicists have yet to even measure.

    To lie is to exert and action. Neednt be verbal, but it is an action. One cannot, in a vacuum lacking an inquiry, one cannot “lie” by merely living. I suppose someone who fakes their death, gets new papers and moves to Asuncion Paraguay in effect “lives a lie” in that he declares his name (an action) daily and the name is a lie.

    But the man with an affair 10 years ago who gets up, works, loves his wife and kids, repented deeply and sincerely long ago and has been forgiven….unless he is asked “have you had a sexual affair?”…..and answers “no”….he is not lying by not having unilaterally coughed up the undoing of his and his wife’s and their kids lives.

    A woman posted in the CF thread, one woman, taking my side. She explained that once years before a friend of hers making what she thought was small talk was pontificating about their husbands had an affair years ago would they want to know. Like most women neither had the ability to test a hypothesis beyond the initial immediate negatives or positives the thing would generate. for the woman who may be told this by her husband she suffers the honesty fetish we see on these silly husband requirements lists. Utter and absolute openness, they say. For other third party women they get a drama boost, plus they get to vicariously take a man down and feel the feelings that they likely want to feel towards their own husband who by this time they are not find of but cannot be divorced because he is a good and decent fellow.

    Well they friend told her that her husband had an affair years ago. I don’t recall how the friend knew. This woman said she stayed with her husband but her life was ruined, she couldn’t find peace or joy and was convinced that to not know was clearly the right choice.

    The guy writing all that garbage needs a smack on side of head.

  75. I took some of thoughts from the argument with AR here and made a related post for review Empath. My thoughts on game have changed and crystallized a bit of the past year.

  76. Pingback: Game, a Philippians 4:4-7 Refutation | Empathologism

  77. In a general sense, I see sold out proponents of game as manipulative, lying, weak little souls hiding behind the facade of “it works”. Like morality is 100% trumped by pragmatism and that once something is established as working that’s all the proof anyone needs. No further argument is neccesary, no other inquiry is welcome. Of course arguing with a gamer reveals this underlying and fundamental lack of seriousness or rectitude, everything is a “game” to the hardened gamer. Have a discussion? Why do that when I can improve my status and count coup on some random internet dude? Gamers gonna game.

  78. She explained that once years before a friend of hers making what she thought was small talk was pontificating about their husbands had an affair years ago would they want to know. Like most women neither had the ability to test a hypothesis beyond the initial immediate negatives or positives the thing would generate.

    I can’t think if any reason why it would be relevant years after the fact. My tendency to jealousy used to give my imagination ample opportunity to run wild. No sense in borrowing trouble if you have a good honest, faithful husband right now.

    Well they friend told her that her husband had an affair years ago. I don’t recall how the friend knew. This woman said she stayed with her husband but her life was ruined, she couldn’t find peace or joy and was convinced that to not know was clearly the right choice.

    How sad.

  79. I wanted to reply to God is Laughing’s post about Philippians but could not for some reason. I found it very inspiring and very good. I think it’s a good example of iron sharpening iron.

  80. It’s something WordPress seems to be doing the last few posts. Like defaulting to no comment. I don’t know if I’m missing something or if it’s up to Empath to flag the post for comments.

    Thanks for the encouragement Scribe.

  81. Hmph. Eric, where is the evidence that Tomassi is a proponent of “equalism”? A direct link would suffice.

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