This is from a 13 year old article from Family Life. It didn’t improve with age.
This is blatantly toxic advice for resolving sexual tension in marriage born of low sexual frequency.
Romance for a man means sex. He cannot imagine romance without having sex. Romance for a woman can mean lots of things, and sex may or may not be a part of it.
Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.
But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren’t fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”
Now again, guys, you can get angry, mean, and bent out of shape, or you can remember, it’s a game. And games can be fun. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But it’s all a great game. Men, if you will approach romance in this way, not only will you find it fun, but you will also get better at it along the way.
How cute. He has taken the clear admonishment of The Lord and turned it into a game. Has made the wife’s refusal not a matter of her ignoring her clear obligation but a matter of her being playful and making life a fun game for her husband. The writer says the man can have a blast playing this game. Even when, as he says clearly, it is not winnable from the get go.
He says, “sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it”. This is the ultimate way of getting responsibility off the woman for her actions. It is, after all, an action to hide something is it not?
He doesn’t stop with her lack of obligation nor with her lack of responsibility. He additionally celebrates the fact that she can taunt him with his sex drive when he says,
“Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”
Twisted? Sick? A perversion? Yes. All those and worse.
There are several bullet points in the article but I’ll touch only two more more. First
4) She needs intimate conversation. A woman needs a husband who will talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Daily conversation with her conveys her husband’s desire to understand her. Wise men learn soon after marriage that women are masters of code language. They say what they mean and expect you to know what they mean, and the particular words really don’t matter. Unfortunately some men are simply ill prepared and a little dense at this point, and it often gets them into serious trouble.
Another game. Decipher nonsense. No matter if she strings together random words or even makes up new ones…he is dense if she doesn’t know her well enough to get her point.
If she says, “The vorvg is flarb” he just knows that she is feeling nervous and vulnerable about something happening with her group of friends. The particular words don’t matter.
More toxicity on a kebab.
5) She needs honesty and openness. A woman needs a man who will look into her eyes and, in love, tell her what he is really thinking. He will explain his plans and actions clearly and completely to her because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. He wants her to know how precious she is to him. Growing openness and honesty will always mark a marriage when a man loves a woman.
Notice that when the man is honest, its not to tell her that he opposes some course opf action she is undertaking. its to explain HIS plans and actions to her so that she can trust him as he executes them. In other words he is seeking her approval about him. If whats on his mind is anything convicting….say he wanted to tell her she shouldn’t be -hiding the romance-that would be mean and overbearing.
I wonder how after all these years this group is still able to sell this poison. even the Lift is not worth all this is it?