Playing hide and seek with the truth

This is from a 13 year old article from Family Life. It didn’t improve with age.

This is blatantly toxic advice for resolving sexual tension in marriage born of low sexual frequency.

Romance for a man means sex. He cannot imagine romance without having sex. Romance for a woman can mean lots of things, and sex may or may not be a part of it.

Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.

But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren’t fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

Now again, guys, you can get angry, mean, and bent out of shape, or you can remember, it’s a game. And games can be fun. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But it’s all a great game. Men, if you will approach romance in this way, not only will you find it fun, but you will also get better at it along the way.

How cute. He has taken the clear admonishment of The Lord and turned it into a game. Has made the wife’s refusal not a matter of her ignoring her clear obligation but a matter of her being playful and making life a fun game for her husband. The writer says the man can have a blast playing this game. Even when, as he says clearly, it is not winnable from the get go.

He says, “sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it”. This is the ultimate way of getting responsibility off the woman for her actions. It is, after all, an action to hide something is it not?

He doesn’t stop with her lack of obligation nor with her lack of responsibility. He additionally celebrates the fact that she can taunt him with his sex drive when he says,

“Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

Twisted? Sick? A perversion? Yes. All those and worse.

There are several bullet points in the article but I’ll touch only two more more. First

4) She needs intimate conversation. A woman needs a husband who will talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Daily conversation with her conveys her husband’s desire to understand her. Wise men learn soon after marriage that women are masters of code language. They say what they mean and expect you to know what they mean, and the particular words really don’t matter. Unfortunately some men are simply ill prepared and a little dense at this point, and it often gets them into serious trouble.

Another game. Decipher nonsense. No matter if she strings together random words or even makes up new ones…he is dense if she doesn’t know her well enough to get her point.

If she says, “The vorvg is flarb” he just knows that she is feeling nervous and vulnerable about something happening with her group of friends. The particular words don’t matter.

More toxicity on a kebab.


5) She needs honesty and openness. A woman needs a man who will look into her eyes and, in love, tell her what he is really thinking. He will explain his plans and actions clearly and completely to her because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. He wants her to know how precious she is to him. Growing openness and honesty will always mark a marriage when a man loves a woman.

Notice that when the man is honest, its not to tell her that he opposes some course opf action she is undertaking. its to explain HIS plans and actions to her so that she can trust him as he executes them. In other words he is seeking her approval about him. If whats on his mind is anything convicting….say he wanted to tell her she shouldn’t be -hiding the romance-that would be mean and overbearing.

I wonder how after all these years this group is still able to sell this poison. even the Lift is not worth all this is it?


23 thoughts on “Playing hide and seek with the truth

  1. Hide-and-seek LOL. That doesn’t work when you know where it’s hidden and are strong enough to take it. Men can play a different kind of game…

  2. That this outfit is still in business after all these years and still spewing this satanic crap serves as a testament to the range and depth of not only emasculation among “Christian” men, but of scriptural ignorance on the subject of marriage.

    Some may accuse me of excessive hyperbole when I say this, but I will boldly assert that a toasty corner of hell awaits the purveyors of this destructive, unscriptural nonsense.

  3. Maybe THIS is why they are promoting “Blended family ministries” with such enthusiasm. Not only did she hide the “romance” so well that she couldn’t find it, she hid it so well her first and now second husband can’t find it either. Of course the greater the slop pit that marriage turns into the more empathogasms “ministry” can help us all have.

    Blended family ministry helping destroy second marriages with greater efficiency using the same advice that destroyed the first marriages (with a side helping of adultery).

    For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
    (Rom 7:2-3)

    Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not. Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.
    (Rev 2:20-23)

    Family Life Today……….maybe more like Adulterous Life Today..

  4. My views remain as they have developed: that this is a poor understanding of how Christianity works. I think it is best presented as that Christ was perfect and yet was rejected. Despised and rejected and acquainted with grief, as scripture says. The Bible makes constant reference to rejection of goodness in this world, and yet this kind of drivel is not just nonsense–it’s attractive nonsense. It’s a kind of pornography for the faithful. In fact I think this sort of thing is more dangerously seductive than any pornography because it is wrapped in a coat that looks like virtue.

  5. How is it that women can be not just excused but actually celebrated for “moving the romance” — which is nothing more than putting her husband to the test and requiring him to prove his love over and over and over and…

    I cannot find this in the Biblical parallel of Christ and the church. That each time His bride has doubts, insecurities, or is simply bored, He will find new and different ways to show His commitment. Because we know that “for God so loved the world” was SO two millenia ago and we can be excused for requiring ongoing proof that “He really meant it.”

    I seem to distinctly recall something along the lines of “thou shalt not put the LORD thy God to the test…”

    Thus forgive me. I thought marriage was a covenant relationship. An oath. Where each side gave a sacred vow until death do they part. I must have slept through the part where the husband must endlessly earn access to his wife, her respect, and her submission. She, on the other hand, must never be called upon in reciprocal manner to earn her husband’s love. Can you imagine an article where husbands “move the respect” to mean one thing on Monday and another thing Thursday just to see if she really really REALLY means it? That the goalposts will move continuously because – after all – the guy can’t possibly be expected to be secure in her promise and must instead perturbate the structure frequently to reassure himself that the bridge is still sound?

    This stuff is just outrageous. I could not bring myself to read it other than a wincing skim. I scrolled in vain hoping against hope that the husband’s “list of seven” would perhaps be counterbalanced by some similar admonitions to the wife.

  6. I saw that program advert E. I went to the woman’s site and read her blog. I dug a lot looking for the catch.
    She has a lot of the stuff I dislike about women in these types of roles where its self esteem and child of the king all the time, but she seems pretty well on target with the marriage stuff.

  7. Ha ha, Eric’s joking about marital rape. So, so funny.

    You guys surely know how to make sex unappealing. No wonder your wives avoid you.

    If you knew anything about women’s sexuality, you’d not be writing these inane posts and comments, and resorting to religious blackmail and threats.

    Here’s a secret: foreplay. Look it up. Learn it. Use it. Also look up: orgasm (hers, not yours for a change).

    Good luck.

  8. Oh look, another women out of touch with her own sexuality. Foreplay is the part where I indicate to my wife that I find her desirable and want her. Washing out all the feminist nonsense has made this process a whole lot more streamlined now that she is free to respond without all the head-games programmed into women by people that hate sex.

  9. Gosh, darb, we’d love to look it up but that would mean we’d have to let go of our tree branches and bananas. After all, we only have two hands. Good thing we have opposable thumbs.

    Your suggestions never occurred to any of us. Please stop by frequently with more wisdom. God knows that we aren’t flooded as a society with enough matronly suggestions on how to be masculine or what husbands need to do to make their wives happy.

    One tiny question: what when all those helpful suggestions you’re just brimming with don’t actually work in all cases? Sometimes – just sometimes – the car won’t start. Pedantic lecturing about inserting the key and turning the ignition switch just shows how little you know and your own biases. Women never use sex as a means of control, right? And they’re never messed up sexually for reasons other than their husband’s crude and brutish attempts, right? They’re unspoiled, freshly fallen snow. Guaranteed to respond perfectly if only hubby is more perfect.

  10. Mrteebs there seems to be a tendency to flood the vehicle. Flooding is a sure way to get the driver to step away and wait. Until the vehicle is good and ready.
    My vehicle was “made” in 1965. Maybe these newer ones with injection and no distributor cap don’t have the problem.

  11. On a serious note, the assertions that darby makes are silly. The references to sexual refusal that a man may make are about instances where the idea of foreplay or a wife’s pleasure have not entered the frame of reference. The woman would not engage in foreplay, would not have sexual relations, therefore how can she harp on foreplay or orgasm.

    the lack of linear thinking that allows these work around arguments always amazes. Always.

  12. I also note that the person who has a problem with “religious blackmail and threats” probably has no compunctions about women using government blackmail and threats. FI is a thing to behold.

  13. Rainey didn’t actually write this. It was a fellow named Danny Akin. Not that Rainey himself hasn’t done enough damage with his pedestalization of women. But, at least in this instance, he’s watching from the sidelines. Maybe his wife hadn’t granted him permission to write on that particular day. Seems she’s still the family gatekeeper, based on today’s post. What would we men do without our little female helpers to lead us into all truth.

  14. Mrteebs

    I should have explicitly stated the writer’s name. I don’t think I assigned it to Rainey but I could have made it clear it was not Rainey. But Rainey is the boss. Its his ministry. He is the editor in chief so to speak.

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