I was sliding off to sleep last evening, suffering a horrible back strain injury and having laid on a heat pad most of the evening, and, no surprise to me, I still harbored thoughts of intimacy when my wife came to bed. No potential for translation to action. Zero. But the thoughts…
It made me think about how women perceive sex drive in men, and in their husband. I stated it that way intentionally because the evidence Ive seen suggests that Christian women in particular see “men”, and then separately, their husband. The church may accidentally have a role in creating this dichotomy.
Its easy to see how “men” and their sex drives are perceived, by women as a collective and individually. “Men only want one thing” is as common an expression as “taken to the cleaners” (I take great umbrage because I was the cleaner while owning dry cleaning businesses). Oddly, men at large buttress that expression in one of the most seemingly un-selfaware proclamations frequently heard. Pastors say it.
Women lap it up. Its low fruit for moral stratification. Betty Church can put her hate on men while….rubbing circles on her husbands back.
OK Empath, so what, women do that with all of these issues don’t they?
Sort of. But its different because there aren’t many things with stakes as high as how a wife views her husbands sexual needs.
Ive read the extreme view, which is handy for illustration of my point. One woman would comment that her husband had such control, God given no less, that he “never ever even had a fleeting thought about sex”, even with her as the partner, if she wasn’t in physical proximity to him. He’d been delivered. All men can thus be delivered.
Then in another context she’d say that men only want one thing.
That is the far end of the spectrum. I suspect that most women have created a reality in which they can go hearts aflutter while considering how their husband is fine with the sexual frequency she controls. He considers her very generous with it…per–her.
Ive seen this skewed view of men manifest innocently in my own life when on occasion my wife remarks, “I was under the impression you didn’t feel well or you are tired or you are in a down mood”, expressing surprise at my advances. Not understanding that under even moderate discomfort the sex drive persists. My wife’s innocent misconceptions are not her thinking that men only want one thing….except for the one man that she chose to marry.
The silliness of this thinking is that women sort for it in advance when they use cyber-chastity-belt language in dating profiles.
“If you want to hook up, move along”
“Friends first, see what happens”
“Not looking for anything physical too soon”
She believes that HER (future) husband is like her. He is an outlier among men. She hears all of her married friends saying that they married a real winner, a man who is not at all concerned about her sexual availability but rather he wants her for her heart.
This is partly old ground covered many times before. But the idea of women assigning snowflake status to husbands and the cognitive dissonance required to do so is something Id not read or considered before. Many Christian men embrace the descriptor…unique in their lack of drive save for when they see it is safe to activate it.
Like someone somewhere recently wrote of women who are being admonished by sermon, these men hear it said that men want one thing and think, “thank goodness I’m not like that”.
If you put two snowflakes together it makes a pile of…what?