Lie! But do it with panache
A spoonful of Splenda. Truth for sweety
Remember the expression in the title? It’s a device someone in our lives whipped out when they wanted to concatenate a string of pedestrian philosophical thoughts. Early college years, late high school. Like that.
I read this article about how telling white lies in marriage damages a couple’s sex life. Laura Berman, PhD, the author, is a world renowned sex and relationship educator and therapist.
Her premise is OK, albeit common sense. Essentially she says if we hide things about our spouse that are unsatisfactory to us, to our needs, our frustrations grow and the other person can sense it. Intimacy is diluted. Fine.
The first thing I noted was that the title is gender neutral while the piece is targeted at men. The second thing I noted was the goal is to make women feel better, not to communicate truths….hence my title.
She offers a template for not lying:
If your wife asks your opinion on a dress you hate, are you supposed to say, “Honey, I hate that dress”? Well, maybe— if your wife is up for that kind of directness. But, it may be better to couch your feelings within a compliment, such as “You look beautiful as always…But why don’t you wear that little sexy black dress? You drive me crazy in that thing.”
Substitute one lie for another then? My experience tells me that lies of omission drive women crazy when it means women not be told something that would hurt them. The ladies at ChristianForums would go apoplectic about a man who had done something 10 years prior and was not proactively confessing it. Even if it destroyed her, “She would want to know”
Better, in my opinion, to tell her the expression in the title…., “Dear, everything I say is a lie, now you sort that out as we go”