I poached this link from Elspeth’s blog because it dovetails with my previous post. It is another source text for saying that women are the more controlling sex in marriage. I say another because there was already a most unlikely source that made the same observation.
Christian women and men especially do not want to imagine this as true. So, when the women at CF would cite the Gottman studies that highlighted, famously, the predictors of divorce, and those behavioral predictors were easily foist on men. They loved them some Gottman over there. But buried in Gottman’s research was the plainly stated observation that women were more prone to being controlling than men. One must actually read the literature to find it, not the titles of the studies and the media ready snippets. Those informed the women.
The linked article starts to reveal something important.
Convention has it that women are the gentler sex.
But when it comes to relationships they are more likely than men to be controlling and aggressive, a study claims.
They’d have been ahead to stop there. But we cannot have such things simply placed under the light of day for scrutiny. So, they dilute it.
Study leader Dr Elizabeth Bates said: ‘The stereotypical popular view is still one of dominant control by men. That does occur but research over the last ten to 15 years has highlighted the fact that women are controlling and aggressive in relationships too.’
Oh, ok, men do it too. Whew, for a minute there I thought there was some news here. I thought….I actually thought that someone was releasing data that could be used as cover for holding women accountable for something. Anything. Doc Elizabeth though states it quote differently than the opener. She says, and fails to challenge, that men are the stereotypical perpetrators of domination but that the study, gasp, says that women do it too.
The reason I parsed the article is not my normal MO, though I plied that by showing the spin. The reason was to show how it buttresses the claims I make about the behavior I’ve been describing as being absolutely typical. It is statistically the majority. It is in the woman’s nature. This is more than a simple statement of the collated study results. It is revelatory of why there is so much buy in to the present male dominant narrative. That too is a form of control, just on a macro basis. It is also succor for the men who experience this behavior to an extent far beyond my examples and those of some of the men who comment here and elsewhere about same. Finally, it contradicts the notion that the problem is that of men being permissive of it, meaning that men have within us the ability to change it.
We can choose our path. We can do so despite this. We get to respond rightly, or not. We needn’t BE controlled. But we may have to tolerate her attempts to do so. We can ignore them, we can allow ourselves to be controlled, or we can wrestle and fight over it. Most men respond essentially the right way as evidenced by the fact we are not the ones divorcing in droves.
Meanwhile, imagine the injustice, she terrorizes him for a couple of decades, then jettisons him because he deigned react.