The HIP way to hell

Hell. Do I mean that literally or figuratively? Most likely figuratively. Everyday I see pictures of this figurative hell. It’s the smiling face of the grey and balding father, bent down sharing a totally planned and choreographed “joy filled” moment with his progeny. Selfies….with little Colyn. The two hours at the park were blocked out on Google calendar. They made the most of them.

This table from the Atlantic article How to Save Marriage in America set me thinking on this. The HIP marriage. High Investment Parenting. It is everything it shouldn’t be.

Three MarriagesIn the pages of the another periodical, linked from the Atlantic article you find an article about how those in egalitarian marriages are happier but have lower frequency sex lives. And why.

In the same periodical, interestingly, I found this article eschewing The Overprotected Kid.

Finally, a quick Google will get you all you need to know about the only actual bonafide statistical connection between anything causal, and the incidence of autism. The ages of the mother and/or father at conception¹. Today, go to a park near your home and see how many people heeded those warnings.

Life now depends on cognitive dissonance. This may be simply because we have too stinkin’ much information.

The point of the piece on saving marriage was that these HIP style unions were lasting longer. Christians have jumped headfirst into this as much as anyone. The evidence is all across the blogosphere, even the manosphere.

People don’t change much. We’ve been handed, for a generation, the keys to our societies. And nothing ever seems good enough. A little bit of something being good means full bore sold out must be better. I heard a study spoken of on radio the other day showing a new empirical link between running more than 25 miles per week and likelihood of early death. A little jogging is good. Therefore running 10 miles a day Monday – Friday and 50 miles on weekends, better. Not so much.

So much more so with parenting. In The Over Protected Kid the writer cites some statistics that show no marked increase in various risks to children from doing things that, today, could result in having your child taken away. It also shows that, for example, the rubberization of play grounds has resulted in no decrease in frequency or severity of playground injuries. Try selling these facts to millennial moms and dads at the next elementary school function. Eyes will look like glazed donuts.

My version of this figurative hell has people stuck in ever escalating efforts to perfect things that are not perfectible. The difference is, in this figurative hell they KNOW they cannot perfect the things yet are compelled to keep trying. They live an exercise in futility. You know the expression “hell on earth”. Looks like we found a HIP way to get there.

“Empath, you don’t have any answers. You just sit and take pot shots at people trying to do the best they can with the information they have available.”

Exactly correct. I do not have any answers. I manage my ignorance*. I manage it by not wearing myself out asking questions, the answers to which would force me to accept contradictions by rote in an effort to make me feel that I am expending an appropriate amount of effort seeking them.

There is no saving of marriage in tables and lists. There is no true protection of children in padding and rules and activities.

*Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

2 Cor 10:5

¹Now they are even running with blaming men for the age correlation to autism. No surpirse that a Scandinavian study disputes its mom’s fault, its actually old dads causing the problem.

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33 thoughts on “The HIP way to hell

  1. There;s like a whole mile between the end of your post and your combox.

    The post itself is excellent, by the way.

  2. here is a HIP marriage indicator:

    Parenting Bad #10: Keeping junk food in the house
    We’re a soda-free home, with healthy snacks on hand like seaweed sheets and baby carrots and hummus.

    Seaweed sheets? I have never heard of these. Not prone to wish my life away, but i am so glad I missed all of this.

    Relax Elspeth, Im not heading there…..

  3. Re: baby carrots. Although young veggies are invariably the best, the things sold as baby carrots are not, in fact, baby carrots, merely adult carrots that have been shrunk by cutting, much like a log in a sawmill could be cut into loglets.

    Nuts are healthy snacks. Berries are healthy snacks. Adult carrot sticks (“You mean I have to use like a knife, and everything?”) are healthy snacks. For that matter, dark chocolate bunnies are healthy snacks (peeps, not so much).

  4. Well from what I have seen, the children are going to reach the destination of that road first (thanks to all of the parental involvement). This latest batch is going to be the most neurotic generation of Americans ever created, and that is saying something.

  5. I am sitting -stuck- in traffic. Have been for an hour. Don’t ask. But the part about the seaweed sheets made me laugh. That’s something.

  6. Let the baby carrots eat the seaweed.
    I described the evolution of baby poop at dalrock yesterday, the colors etc. I cannot imagine what kaleidoscope they make now with all the ingredients. Diapers gotta look like “Holi Festival” in India

    Remember that old fortune cookie add on?

    between the sheets…..

    Seaweed sheets adds a wholesome dimension

    As usual I live a cloistered life. Of course I know what seaweed sheets are, just never had to refer to them before. There are some in my house as we speak because my oldest girl fancies herself a sushi taster.
    How ridiculous though that someone says #10 in a list of bad parenting things is to have junk food in the house.

    Like I said, things that would get your kids taken away.
    My grocery cart is legally actionable.

    My youngest daughter said something like “moms buy paper towels, dads buy cookies” a couple of years ago. It was specifically and generally descriptive.

  7. Think of it as inoculating them against junk food. If you make junk food a taboo you make it an idol. I could keep going and going.

    Just calling it wholesome might get an interesting reaction.

  8. Moosemorseman:
    That’s exactly what I was thinking. The whole schema leaves out any idea of a Gender Polarity, while both ‘traditional’ and ‘romantic’ acknowledge it. HIP marriage could be practiced by any two people: in fact it reads more like a business management model.

  9. Empath:
    On autism: the CDC reported that 1/8 of American children are being drugged for autism and other supposed psychological disorders. I disagree that the age of the man has much to do with it, although his health certainly is a factor.

    The reason women are popping out dysfunctional kids at epidemic levels today are:

    1. Serial abortions

    2. Taking too many drugs

    3. Choosing retarded and mentally unstable dirtbags to father their kids

    4.Unhealthy lifestyles like obesity and alcoholism

    5.The mothers aren’t all that mentally stable themselves

    But the modern Amerobitch not only won’t change ‘for the sake of the children’, they’ve actually convinced themselves (e.g. Jenny McCarthy) that their dysfunctional offspring are ‘Indigo Children’ and represent a higher state of human evolution!

    Actually, I can’t think of a greater punishment for American liberals than reach their ‘Golden Years’ in a country governed by grown-up Indigoes. LOL

  10. Relax Elspeth, Im not heading there….

    No worries. I came home and at a handful of kettle cooked chips instead of those healthier nuts and berries jf12 mentioned. I’m mostly good but hardly a purist. Those chips are only here because my husband put them in cart at the grocery store.

    How ridiculous though that someone says #10 in a list of bad parenting things is to have junk food in the house.

    Think of it as inoculating them against junk food. If you make junk food a taboo you make it an idol. I could keep going and going.

    Our approach is to not ban anything, but rather to strive for eating healthfully 3/4 of the time, which we do. Lots of fruits, whole grains (no paleo here), good proteins, things like that. But we like to bake. A lot, and we bake bakery caliber stuff here. And we’re Southern. We have to fry stuff sometimes.

    The very thought of banning any food outright won’t work here. I know. I’ve tried it.

    It’s easier to live a balanced life than a rigid one. With exception for those things where lines are clear and unambiguous, it’s just a better and more sane way to live. The idea that we can mitigate all risk from life is an illusion.

    You see a lot of that on the Internet: the idea that we can eat i such a way that we never get sick and live to 100. Or that if you play your cards just right you can insure your typical strategy for marriage will inoculate you from the stresses and troubles of married life. Or that you can make your kids smarter and well behaved if you never give them sugar, LOL. The result:

    “This latest batch is going to be the most neurotic generation of Americans ever created, and that is saying something.”

  11. He is correct. before I even read that stuff today I was talking with “Wally”, the guy I wrote about. We were lamenting 20 years from now these kids being all grown up. They get more neurotic as we go. How much more attention can you offer kids?

    Kids are known to stress marriages. Now, put every spare moment into them, keep them in your bed, worry yourself sick over everything they eat and touch…..

    I believe by the time they are parents they will be reading books and playing classical music near baby boy’s testicles. The boy himself, well its too late for him, gotta read to his testicles because future sperm will be formed there and you can teach that sperm to appreciate literature and music. Forty years later he will be a dad. Assuming his wife maintains the regimen of reading to and playing music for his testicles, only Pulitzer prize winning writers who compose on the side will be born. Using en vitro of course, sex being totally eliminated by then.

  12. “Forty years later he will be a dad” if his mom lets him out of her basement.

  13. no answers?

    2 cor. 10-5 sounds like the answer to me

    “Finally, a quick Google will get you all you need to know about the only actual bonafide statistical connection between anything causal, and the incidence of autism. The ages of the mother and/or father at conception¹. Today, go to a park near your home and see how many people heeded those warnings.”

    the number one “cause” of the modern autistic boom is delayed maternity

    it’s a vast tragedy that is easily remediable, but instead is ignored/denied, not bc there’s too little/too much info, but bc the Almighty People want to continue living selfish and self-rationalizing lives

    confronting (much less resolving) this self-inflicted epidemic is just too discomfiting on about every level, to the modern sensibility… limit female freedom to do what she wants with her own body and life? sacrilege upon the New Cathedral

  14. Yes, this article in the Atlantic is crazy (I wrote about it, too, awhile back).

    I think a lot of kids are stressed out because they don’t get a lot of down time and when they do, their faces are plastered to a screen. Letting your kids play outside with light supervision is considered a bit odd now. My husband and I have both marveled at driving past subdivisions full of monster-sized houses with wooden play structures that cost thousands of dollars in every backyard. but nary a child in sight on a beautiful summer day. Where are they all? Piano lessons, soccer camp? I don’t know.

    (By the way, I love seaweed. Not only as Nori, but just munching on the dried sheets of it. 🙂 )

  15. The problem with parenting today is that parents cannot say NO. The idea is to arrange life so that choices that should elicit a NO, just don’t exist. The problem with saying NO is that it implies ” or else what?” The “or else” is of course violence. And violence is of course “the last resort of the incompetent” Thus people have chosen a better way for their children,” through chemistry”. A ‘sugartit’ for life.

  16. Egyptian high thread count sheets. Not seaweed. Nothing eaten should be called sheets. It’s like some paranormal nightmare where your spouses jaws relocate and they begin to devour all the urethane memory foam and bedcovers.

  17. Ray:
    I’m willing to bet, though, given the abortion rate, that you’d find a history of aborted babies in those delayed births today. I’d have to find the stats on it (the media doesn’t advertise them of course) but there are direct correlations between surgical abortions and later birth defects.

    The reason for this is biological. When a woman miscarries during pregnancy, this is nature’s way of rejecting an unhealthy offspring. Women who miscarry typically have problems later with pregnancy. But when women exercise their ‘right to choose’ their bodies react biologically the same as if the baby were miscarried: IOW, it begins to shut down reproductively. But the Abortion Mill Industry likes to sweep those facts under the rug.

  18. Miscarriage and abortion are not the same processes to the body. In a miscarriage, the body recognizes that the baby is not fit/has died, and prepares for it’s release ie hormones drop off, etc. An abortion is an abrupt departure from the natural process of gestation, at the pinnacle of hormonal changes, etc. An abortion is much worse; I don’t think it is best to characterize it as having the same effect on the body as a miscarriage.

  19. Amanda:
    What I meant was that the body reacts biologically the same way. However you’re probably right that an abortion can create something like toxic shock to the hormonal system because it’s out of sync with nature. IOW, a recovery from a miscarriage is likely easier than a recovery from a deliberate abortion.

  20. LOL, empath, your comment about the Egyptian cotton sheets… 🙂

    My goal is to make homemade Kale chips, Elspeth. I have a recipe but haven’t done it yet. I like green stuff, mmmm.

    @ jf12: Wet seaweed is only edible if it encases rice and wasabi nori rolls. Otherwise it’s like trying to swallow a long hair that’s inadvertently gotten stuck to the back of your throat. 🙂

  21. SSM, I prefer all my greens boiled. Kills the germs from the manure fertilizer on the turnips and mustard grrens. The collards didn’t make well this year. The asparagus was tasty, though in small quantity. I guess it didn’t like the cold snaps.

    Actually, wet seaweed is very good, seaweed soup, best Oysters Rockefeller, etc.

  22. The hippest marriages are gay, naturally, or rather unnaturally.
    Re: on moderation in all things. Shouldn’t moderation itself, also, be moderate? You mention managing ignorance. How does one manage it, moderate it, when it is being forced upon us?
    The possibly former Wiccan duly ordained Ms. Nadia Bolz-Weber, yes she’s a Ms., is still a rising star in the ECLA. With her denomination’s full approval, she has made unconditional forgiveness the cornerstone of her gospel message, preaching that ignorance is the broad way that leadeth to salvation.
    “You know what the final judgment is to me? It’s God dying on the cross and saying: forgive them; they know not what they’re doing. That’s an eternally valid statement to me. That is God’s judgment upon us.”
    http://www.onbeing.org/program/nadia-bolz-weber-on-seeing-the-underside-and-seeing-god-tattoos-tradition-and-grace

  23. Re: greens. I picked several Kroger sacks (as distinct from croker sacks) of poke shoots for some poke salad today, the same day I planted bunches of impatiens. I was probably a week too late for the best crop of poke but nobody had beat me to it. I’ll give one sack to my pastor tomorrow.

    Rinse well. In 2 gallon of water, hand tear and bruise poke shoots, put on to boil. When it boils, toss in some salt (handful, or 1/4 cup), and a few squirts of lemon juice (optional. Timing of salt not optional). Let boil 10 minutes, drain completely, bring to boil again. Edible at this point, although most folks will have added salt again, and salt pork.

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