Rookie writer was one of the gang at CF back in the day. He has been pretty open about issues in his relationship and subsequent marriage over 4 years or so, if I recall correctly.
I made my last comment after my prior post just before reading the post linked below. The specifics are going to differ, but most men will relate to this at one point or another in their marriages.
One thing he said stood out to me:
To make a long story short, I am not as open as I was at the beginning of the marriage because I don’t trust her with my heart.
Funny isn’t it that while they berate men about her need for security, I wager that more men walk on eggshells than women.
Its a different kind of example, but I have one in particular from my own life. My wife has always been a bit opinionated about medications. I’m not referring to narcotic medications here, by the way. I am referring to pretty much any medication that is beyond a general antibiotic. The grilling I, or now my young adult kids take if they bring home a prescription for almost anything is not something anyone really wants to hear. This is not a situation where she prefers natural remedies, that would be a niche complaint. It comes from some deep suspicion or something that I cannot really figure out. Maybe it should have been obvious when I first encountered the extended family over 20 years ago how freely they assigned the label “addict” or “alcoholic” to people, who once I got to know them were anything but. Just a theory.
I recall eventually just deciding not to tell her, even if I’d visited a physician. I’d place medications where all the medications are, not hidden, and wait for the day when first an innocent question would come coupled with “why didn’t you tell me?”. She would be very non-judgemental for a couple of weeks then start nagging about it. She needed to speak to the Dr. She thinks its unnecessary. She feels the dosage is wrong. Whatever. And again, we are not talking about narcotics.
Eventually it led me and my older adult aged kids to just avoid the matter by not keeping medicines in the open. It happened recently. Between the time she innocently discovered a medication had been prescribed, and the time the lecturing set in, a couple of months passed. But it always happens. Again, to be clear, this is not my favorite issue about natural remedies. Has nothing to do with this. It is something else entirely. Besides, I’m using this as an example only, not to start a topic about medication. Its an example of the nature of a problem that I wager men will almost all relate to on some level. That being facing a decision about “what she doesn’t know will not hurt her” on certain things.
On the one hand she (generic she) wants to feel secure telling you anything and you’d dang well not be judgmental, in fact you best not have much at all to say except platitudes like “I understand why you feel that way”. She also expects you are going to tell her every detail of every day, according to Jimmy Evans. But she is not only not constrained in how she responds, she is ENCOURAGED by these ministries to be the holy spirit of the house (whatever that needs to mean at the moment) and set some guardrails for you. Its simple but never stated plainly. they want you to tell her everything because they want her to approve or disapprove everything. Only then can we know that it is good, that we have made a good decision. This is true servant leadership in this twisted evangelical feminist world of modern Christian marriage.
This is what men ought to be able to discuss with each other in church men’s gatherings. And the men should not have to endure a lecture about more sacrifice and more service and how that will sort this out.
What will sort this out is when the irresistible force of a woman’s will meets the immovable object of God’s conviction. Short of that, no, do not expect men to share every single detail of every day because frankly, she is ill equipped to handle the information.