The movie Doppelgänger, was released in 1969 in the U.S. with the title “Journey to the far side of the sun”.
In the film, a joint European-NASA mission to investigate a planet in a position parallel to Earth, behind the Sun, ends in disaster with the death of one of the astronauts (Hendry). His colleague (Thinnes) discovers that the planet is a mirror image of Earth.
Every time I get one of these marriage emails I wonder if what I see in the mirror is view into a world somewhere else that is exactly backwards of ours. I’m back on Jimmy Evans again, to start a new week. Today’s message is “A wife’s most important needs” (the link is to their home page).
The needs are:
Women feel most secure in an environment where they are married to a sacrificial, sensitive man who loves her like Christ loved the church (see Ephesians 5).
Ive looked at Ephesians 5 a few times….I cannot even play one of those scrambled letter games and come up with “sensitive”. I know where they come up with “sacrificial”. Simply, Jesus. Of course. So, how does Evans say Jesus modeled behavior for husbands?
secure wives have husbands who say “You come before me, and you’ll never have to nag. You’ll never have to beg. Tell me once, and you’ll get it.” He sacrifices to meet her needs the same way Jesus sacrificed himself for us. [emphasis mine]
Would it be OK then if the overwhelmed husband told everyone to leave him alone while he went away out in the back yard and screamed, “please take this cup-cake away from me!”?
Seriously. She needn’t ask again, she gets it the first time? Is it just me or is this escalating?
a husband who refuses to make her nag or beg—especially when it comes to romance. Being romantic by sending flowers or cards tells her that she is on your heart.
Flowers and cards. I’m starting to think frankincense and myrrh were picked up and Yigal’s Hallmark on the way into town, as much as these ministries seem to think they grease the skids of romance like nothing else. Most men seem to agree with me that if I started carding and flowering my wife as instructed it would get a reaction alright. “You realize you are gonna have to get all this to the curb on Wednesday right?”
I had to learn to be affectionate with Karen…without groping or pinching. It didn’t come natural to me, but I finally understood affection was tremendously important to her. I had to change. When I changed, it changed our marriage.
Jimmy, not sure what to tell ya. If you were pinching and groping, well, yea, discontinuance is a marriage changer. It would also be advisable to stop poking, snapping her bra strap, giving her wedgies, tickling her, licking your finger and sticking it in her ears, pulling her hair, and loosening the salt shaker lid for a fit of maniacal laughter when she ruins another ear of corn.
Open and Honest Communication
After work, when she asks her husband about his day, she doesn’t want headlines. She doesn’t want grunts or groans. She wants details.
Peaceful Wife has an old post called “My Demon”, written by a guest. If most women were self aware and honest enough to admit it, what the writer describes there is what the wife is after with these demands for daily details. She explains that she was compelled to find issues with her husband, that she was compelled to reinforce her spiritual superiority and his fallibleness compared to hers. She was compelled to condemn and to nag…ultimately to fix him.
A quick poll of friends open enough to share confirmed for her that this demon seems to be camped out in married women. Keep that in mind when you read about this craving for open communication and then see the following…
This one is tricky. This pastor openly communicated to his wife that he’d had an affair in the past and sought her forgiveness. The media grabbed the story and reported it as him dying after willfully confessing to his flock. A few outlets got the story correct. he had confessed it to his wife. SHE, while he was not present, told the congregation herself, then when the pastor walked in she told him in front of them, “tell them what you told me”. his son punched him, his daughter berated him, his congregation yelled they forgave him, and he dropped dead on the spot.
Peaceful Wife’s husband “Respected Husband” wrote “The voice in his head” as a sort of bookend to her demon post. A quick poll of men found that we agree with what he said about the nature of thoughts flying through our heads and why we DO NOT want to lay it all out there daily.
Do you see bad synergy? Does the craving for communication, while certainly not always for nefarious reasons, take on a different flavor? Can you see how these main marriage ministries and the slant they operate with actually ministers to both men and women in a manner opposite of how the genders respectively need to be ministered to?
This doesn’t mean she wants to be dominated. She wants to be treated as an equal, but she also want her husband to be the loving initiator of the home when it comes to the children, romance, finances, and spiritual matters. [ emphasis mine]
Look back at the first one. Security.
“Tell me once, and you’ll get it.”
Yessir, that’s leadership.
And if you don’t get this right ….
you’ll be sitting in a parked car on your old cul de sac, listening to the clinking of the cooling engine in the pickup truck that just parked in front of your old house, watching as your kids are tucked in one by one, and the ground floor lights switched off, leaving only the lamp in the master suite casting silhouettes, your fingers idly thumping the stack of Christian man-up books your pastor just gave you…..as you sing along with Sting…
That this is indifference
Was my invention
When everything I did
Sought your attention
You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate’s map
Of buried treasure
If this was all correct
The last thing I’d expect
The prosecution rests
It’s time that I confessed
I must have loved you
Man if that doesn’t piss you you are cold.