Over on the Dying Dogs Porn thread jake907 asks:
I do have a couple of questions though, can you draw a line between being obsessive about sex, and just having a good strong sex drive?
And also, what are some guidelines for dealing with “dry spells”, whether that be an unwilling wife, sickness, pregnancy, or even just a difference in your sex drive versus your wife’s?
Personally, I think that porn bends us up. Look at the YBOP site and they talk about “tastes” developing, whatever weird crap got us hot and bothered via pixels is a distortion I think. So getting off that stuff is going to be a key to getting back to a baseline (our baseline). After that it’s going to come down to how badly we want it and where we prioritize it in relation to our wife. Pregnant I can work with, sick I can work around and “unwilling” is something we need to deal with. I’m not Roman Catholic so I don’t have any problems with letting my wife “help me out”, she needs to see how much drive I have and this is a very direct way of communicating my need.
If our wives are unwilling, or like “Pastor Ed’s” wife, we need to do a better job of communicating our expectations of them, realizing that yes we have a relationship and a responsibility for them to Christ. “No”, isn’t a long term option although it may be necessary to go through some challenging dry spells. I’m not talking about force, I’m talking about Godly moral suasion. We really need to be brave enough to broach the subject and “beard” the hyena. Scripture verses are good.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
And a strong masculine (non-begging) frame. Don’t beg for something that God has given you from the person who covenanted to give it to you freely. That’s just weak. Talk/persuade don’t argue/beg. Just being determined to vocalize it and address it in the clear can have a strangely beneficial affect on our wives.
Not to get to graphic, testosterone makes everyone feel better. If as in the last post our wives get to be the nurse, guess who get’s to be the pharmacist. You can check out other health effects here. Also, I see porn as the problem, not thinking about my wife or having a “friendly” phone call should I find myself or her out of town.
All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
God bless you in that.