Dying Dogs Porn.

(Subtitle: A male oriented argument against porn).

I’ve been thinking a lot about “Manning Up” (TM) since dad died. Specifically, what it means to bear the gravitas of a patriarch. His older brother (my Uncle) is still alive, but suddenly I find myself in a family of women along with a brother in law. It’s sinking in. I started letting my beard grow the day after dad’s memorial, his reached nearly to his belly. Call it a symbol of office, mine has almost as much white in it as it does red or brown.

Anyway, it has had me pondering authority in new and significant ways. Call it an understanding of the dignity of the office of patriarch. That’s one of the reasons that I start thinking about pornography, dignity. I’m glad that as I have aged the fires have died down significantly, that is a mercy.  Another result of my middle age has been young men approaching me on the subject of porn over the years. My advice has started to crystallize along the following lines:

It turns husbands into thieves and sneaks to meet a need that should be fulfilled in the marriage bed. It gives us an escape hatch where God meant for none to exist. Instead of taking the question of our “burning” (as Paul put it) into the teeth of the feminists, our wives, the church and society we slink off like sick animals to lick our wounds and die in the dark. Meanwhile, not learning to meet the legitimate needs of their husbands wives are in a decaying orbit of solipsism, being told by the enemy that they are to serve themselves first, mocking men and their sexuality as they go.

The problem is largely ours, we stopped rightfully insisting that they do their job, a job that they should desire deeply to do. A job that the Bible specifically instruct spouses to do, that is, not to defraud our spouses. Feminism has made it impolite and impolitic to discuss any of this. The modern feminist dialogue has made male sexuality taboo, an embarrassment and told us we should be ashamed of it, inside or outside of marriage, that we need to hide it. The Bible say that we are one flesh with our wives, so as I see it, if we are in a pressure cooker of sexual temptation guess who is in it with us? They need to know and they need to be charged with the shared burden of dealing with it. We need to own our end of it by seeing our wives as God’s sole provision and help them understand that’s what they are.

Many are naked, exposed by our nature’s and instead of going to the Lord’s provision- our helpmeet, we instead turn to the fig leaf of attempting to deal with this problem in the shadows.  The medicine has been making us sick, a lethal morphine drip that anesthetizes the pain of burning when we should screaming for the “nurse”. It enervates us when we should be suiting up and going to war with the those that sent our culture down this path in the first place. If we are burning tell our wives to bring marshmallows, hiding is undignified. We need to stop killing the pain and start using it as motivation to re-enter the fray.

********************************

BTW, I also point guys to: http://yourbrainonporn.com/, specifically pointing out the “Coolidge Effect” (named after Calvin himself.)

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22 thoughts on “Dying Dogs Porn.

  1. There’s nothing wrong with a good beard to show your manliness. I’ve recently grown a moustache after approximately 25 years of being completely clean shaven (facially, that is!). I initially grew it because I had some cold sores on the upper lip, and didn’t want to cut them with the razor. And now I’m loving my mo! It draws some comments, perhaps because facial hair on ordinary, everyday men seems to have become rarer over my 47 years on earth. One of my female work colleagues even said that she wished she were able to grow a mo (even though I have reason to believe she is a lesbian in a lesbian ‘relationship’). Others have just commented on my mo, having not seen me with one before; but generally I think the reaction is mostly good. And I like it anyway, so I don’t care what anyone else thinks of it. Good on you, GIL, grow your beard; and grow it down to your belly button, if you so desire. Good post too, and I might comment on the porn aspect of it later on. However, it is spot on. Well done.

  2. Just wanted to thank you for this; it’s beautifully written and very helpful. Also thanks for pointing to the YBOP resources, not come across those before. Some real gems in the Christian ‘sphere and this is one of them.

  3. @Bibao, I get so tired of hearing the churchians pipe on about how porn hurts wives (there interest group) and ignore what it is doing to men. We have enough reasons of our own if we look closely not to have this issue co-opted by the female imperative. YBOP is not a Christ centered site by any stretch but I think they have some good science (not a fan of evolution myself).

    @Empath, as long as she is not a palliative care nurse with a Kevorkian complex.

  4. @Godislaughing Having been one of those guys to come to you about porn, don’t take offense when I say that your advice is clearer “on paper”. I understood what you said before, but you are a better writer than speaker. 🙂 Thank you for this post man, I appreciate it very much.

    I do have a couple of questions though, can you draw a line between being obsessive about sex, and just having a good strong sex drive?
    And also, what are some guidelines for dealing with “dry spells”, whether that be an unwilling wife, sickness, pregnancy, or even just a difference in your sex drive versus your wife’s?

  5. P.S. beards are good, they are a great way to express your masculinity, status, lifestyle, beliefs, and piss off feminists. 🙂 So, in short they are a lot like tattoos (which are also good btw) 😀

    GIL: check out Amish beard balm online, I just ordered some, will report back if its any good.

  6. can you draw a line between being obsessive about sex, and just having a good strong sex drive?

    I’ll take a stab at that. Yes, you can but only when it is so obvious that anyone would say its over the top. Like acting out with hookers or masturbation in public or any number of strange behaviors that really do get to the level of pathological.
    But when talking about sexual interest in your own wife, be very wary of the snake oil salesman who starts equivocating about what is a healthy level of interest. The men doing this are simply fallen under the feminized view of whats OK. And what is that view? Whatever the wife who is sinning by rejection needs it to be at the moment.

    There is a guy that used to ply his trade at Christian Forums and I always have to spend 30 minutes on google to find him, he has some chains-breaking metaphor named website and called himself something folksy like pastor Ed, or so. He shared aa story from a man seeking his help. Seemed the poor guy would get aroused when his wife exited the shower and stood dripping water and toweling off. Thats it. She was appalled and so was pastor Ed.

    Ed explained the arrangement he and his wife had. They would first lounge around the house nude for awhile. Finally they’d get in bed and read or watch TV, lights on, nude and uncovered. After sufficient time went by and he showed no undue leering or being distracted by her, they were then just fine to get busy because then she KNEW he wasn’t after her body.

    Eds repeated point was that we should be able to see naked women and not react in any way as if we were seeing trees or aardvarks. (well that one guy with the thing for ant eaters aside)

  7. you’re a funny guy, doesn’t everyone get aroused by ant eaters?

    I think I see what you’re saying about the obsessive side. But I’m surprised to hear about the Pastor Ed guy, I guess I have a lot to learn about feminism still.

  8. @jake907, my answer got so long I decided to write a post.

    @empath, two in the hopper.

    Also, I don’t want to hear about any ant eaters. I have enough problems as it is.

  9. About aardvarks, I think it is just fine that boy aardvarks find girl aardvarks attractive and vice versa.

    Back to the topic, while the individual woman may not take flack for this behavior, it is making marriage a tougher sell. That should get motivated single women angry.

  10. I must not know how to embed pictures yet. Don’t worry I wasn’t trying to take over your turf, but in reality I am the one who has several dozen people at work calling me “brother Jacob the Amish furniture maker” lol

  11. Pingback: Obsessed about Sex? | Feminism is Empathological

  12. Pingback: What’s “love” got to do with doing it? | Loving in the Ruins

  13. “The problem is largely ours, we stopped rightfully insisting that they do their job” who’s we? The problem is THEY decided they didn’t have to listen to us.

  14. They were told they didn’t have to listen to us by the dominate culture, that is even pervasive in the church. The problem is still ours and we have stopped rightfully insisting since we’ve let the culture tell us to sit down and shut up. We might have to be unpopular, go through the desert and lose a few pounds. Nobody said walking uprightly would be a picnic. God, His Word and those who are obedient to Him are on one side, Satan, the culture, and feminism are on the other. Which side are we on? As far as it is within my power:

    And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
    (Jos 24:15)

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