Fox News magazine (linked on their main page) usually has a few pieces of relationship tripe posted. Yesterday I read “5 lies women tell their friends about their partners” by Bo Sellers. I had to know what a woman would put on that list.
I was surprised by two of them.
Number 4 was unwittingly about what I call the empathogasm. As a refresher:
When two women begin to make conversation for the first time, the feelers go out seeking common emotional ground. They test various areas, the neighborhood, the school, their families, whatever, until they sense they are pointed generally in the same emotional direction. Sometimes that is never achieved. When that happens it is less likely those two women are going to seek each other out for future conversations.
But when they do find themselves in the same general emotional quadrant, that means the foreplay is over and the emotional rutting can begin. The empathogasm is the moment when they find the sweet spot and both can say “I know exactly how you feel”
Bo Sellers is now telling me that, like the real thing from which my metaphor is drawn, even the empathogasm is often faked. I should have considered that. But better to correct the theory later than never.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.” Um. No. You don’t. Perhaps your friend has dealt with a similar circumstance, but the only way for her to know how you feel is to be you. Everyone’s feelings are unique to themselves. She might have some good advice, but in my experience “I know exactly how you feel” is more of a redirect to make conversation about herself than to input any life-altering suggestions. Proceed with caution.
There is more to this than just the faked empathogasm and the necessary change in my analysis. She astutely observes that the empathogasm is faked by a woman in order to get the attention back on herself. Brilliant simplicity. So, the empathogasm is also a way to emotionally rape someone else without them even knowing it. They may even lay back and enjoy it, so to speak. The two women may both be doing the equivalent of self pleasuring, using each other as emotional props. Really good stuff…
The other, number 1, is broad. It nods to hypergamy,and it shatters the myth of women being so virtuous as to not see sex as a coequal part of a relationship. It speaks to the phenomenon we call AFBB (alpha f%$ks beta bucks).
1. “Stability is more important than sex.” I can’t imagine a dude ever saying this to a buddy, but for some reason, us women don’t place our sexual needs as high-priority in relationships. Egyptian cotton may keep you warm at night, but I’d rather feel the heat of my partner because they can’t keep their hands off of me.
Who are the women saying that stability is more important than sex? Most likely its those women that Mark Driscoll is trying so hard to get the men of his church to marry. Its the 30 something, past her SMV prime, high N count woman who has had Deti’s McBadboy drummer, well, lots of drummers, maybe some artists and toss in a mechanic who –works on his own bikes-, like that, and now she is rationalizing to her friends how she has settled for Joe Cubicle who is a great provider and a good daddy, and did you know he leads the family spiritually. He even wears the robes and does the whole bible character cut out figure thing with the kids.
The early 20’s Christian gals? They say it too. They insist that stability, a kind manner, good with kids, a nice guy, those sorts of things, they insist that is where their hearts desire is to be found. They can say it. Because they are getting rogered by an assortment of alphas regularly. They are simply explaining that once they finish this season, the next season has a nice guy in it somewhere. And some kids. And a picket fence. And MOPS. And PTA. And an SUV. Stability.
Oops, drummerboy just texted. Gotta head over to his place. LOL.