So, thanking you Hannah for bringing the “Speed” ministry to my attention. Hannah commented on ministries that ostensibly teach the husband to lead. She mentions Harley of His Needs Her Needs fame, and introduced me to WIT (Whatever it Takes) ministry. These ministries have a stated goal of setting men up as the spiritual leader in the family. The problem is they do it the same thing the full weight and credit of the church intends with its weekly machinations. They set out to create an image of man that allows them to smile and ask the women…”Now, who would not want to follow a man like that?”
In my first rhetorical efforts, in person, on email, in forums of Christians, I always highlighted the difference between outreach to men and that to women. I did this by juxtaposing lists of offerings by various men’s and women’s ministries. It has been awhile since I did that, so, I am fortunate to have an example so glaring as the one on the website of Paul and Jenny Speed.
Paul Speed makes the mistake recently made by Matt Walsh, and frequently made by any man who has egregiously offended his wife and is on a path to make win her back. These men become Christian moles. First they lose their spiritual sight. Then, sensing that laying prostrate may be good enough for crying out to God but it is not sufficiently low to show the wife their true repentance, they begin to burrow beneath the ground intent on seeing the soles of her feet from the bottom.
Read Paul’s testimony. There is no mention, whatsoever, of what Jenny may or may not have been doing over the course of years he describes. He does share that both of them were sexually active prior to meeting, and that they were doggedly pure together until their wedding night. Statistically, this is suggestive of a sexual desiccant. Never mind, neither he nor Jenny makes any mention of this. It would cloud the issue and worse, it would put off the potential buyers of the program.
The men’s program has its own site. It is summarized:
Taking Responsibility for Moral Failures
When you come clean with your wife by confessing moral failures, you will have a feeling of euphoria. It will seem as though hundreds of bricks have been taken off of your shoulders. You will even feel free physically, because hiding your sin affects your entire body, soul, and spirit.
However, in a sense your wife will now be carrying this burden. It is now your job to take responsibility for your wife and nurture her through this difficult time. Galatians 5:13 says, “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” Your new liberty has a purpose: serving those you love.
This point is where you begin to take steps in freedom. Now is when you say, “God, thank You for setting me free. I now choose to do whatever it takes to see that my wife is set free and healed from the truckload of stuff I have dumped on her.” Below are concepts to remember as you confess to your wife. [my emphasis]
Paul has done something I’ve not seen before. He has dovetailed the men’s ministry into the women’s ministry, directly. Under the women’s ministry tab you see What Ive come to expect from all women’s ministries:
Living In His Presence
Overcoming the Lies of the Enemy
Healing through forgiving
Discovering Who I Am
Bitter vs. Better with Judy Pittman
Pursuing God with Kelly Williamson
Daughter’s panel – Young ladies discuss how to resolve mother/daughter conflicts
Men, you are filthy rotten and you need to get fixed. But more, do you not realize that your rot is ruining your wife’s walk with God. We offer a fix for men, then we include men in the effort to encourage women to be Gods princess in this world so heavily stacked against women. Men, focus on whats wrong with men. Women, focus on how your low perception of yourself is a product of your husband and of the world, and realize that God created you precious and intended you to have great self esteem.
Once we get these women to the point where they can stop beating up on themselves and focus on helping their husbands keep their nose above water in the cesspool in which men are necessarily cursed to live, we have some other relevant treats for you gals:
Weight loss programs that work with Lisa Whaley
Common uses of essential oils with Patryce Williams
While the man is busy doting, she gets in shape, she relaxes using essential oils.
According to the ministry, the men get to supplicate to the whole family. On the family page it says men need to hold be honest with everyone and thereby keep the family whole. Necessarily, then, the wife will have an ever present burden because if men tell their wives every sexual thought that goes through their mind, she is going to need a tandem axle to bear that burden. She is indeed held back and held down by the man she loves.
While hubby is at work and the kids at school, now fit and in control, the Mrs. can grab some therapeutic reading, imagining her perfect home, all in order, happy shiny kids, perfect beta supplicant husband, and just how wonderful is is that he was willing to do whatever it takes.
Husband, when you come home, check that stack of books on the nightstand. They found cocaine and herpes virus on copies of 50 Shades in a library in Belgium (I think). You may want to check your wife’s copy. I think you will find some silicone based “essential oils” present.