Juxtaposition is a word I like to use

So, thanking you Hannah for bringing the “Speed” ministry to my attention. Hannah commented on ministries that ostensibly teach the husband to lead. She mentions Harley of His Needs Her Needs fame, and introduced me to WIT (Whatever it Takes) ministry. These ministries have a stated goal of setting men up as the spiritual leader in the family. The problem is they do it the same thing the full weight and credit of the church intends with its weekly machinations. They set out to create an image of man that allows them to smile and ask the women…”Now, who would not want to follow a man like that?”

In my first rhetorical efforts, in person, on email, in forums of Christians, I always highlighted the difference between outreach to men and that to women. I did this by juxtaposing lists of offerings by various men’s and women’s ministries. It has been awhile since I did that, so, I am fortunate to have an example so glaring as the one on the website of Paul and Jenny Speed.

Paul Speed makes the mistake recently made by Matt Walsh, and frequently made by any man who has egregiously offended his wife and is on a path to make win her back. These men become Christian moles. First they lose their spiritual sight. Then, sensing that  laying prostrate may be good enough for crying out to God but it is not sufficiently low to show the wife their true repentance, they begin to burrow beneath the ground intent on seeing the soles of her feet from the bottom.

Read Paul’s testimony. There is no mention, whatsoever, of what Jenny may or may not have been doing over the course of years he describes. He does share that both of them were sexually active prior to meeting, and that they were doggedly pure together until their wedding night. Statistically, this is suggestive of a sexual desiccant. Never mind, neither he nor Jenny makes any mention of this. It would cloud the issue and worse, it would put off the potential buyers of the program.

The men’s program has its own site. It is summarized:

Taking Responsibility for Moral Failures

When you come clean with your wife by confessing moral failures, you will have a feeling of euphoria. It will seem as though hundreds of bricks have been taken off of your shoulders. You will even feel free physically, because hiding your sin affects your entire body, soul, and spirit.

However, in a sense your wife will now be carrying this burden. It is now your job to take responsibility for your wife and nurture her through this difficult time. Galatians 5:13 says, “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” Your new liberty has a purpose: serving those you love.

This point is where you begin to take steps in freedom. Now is when you say, “God, thank You for setting me free. I now choose to do whatever it takes to see that my wife is set free and healed from the truckload of stuff I have dumped on her.” Below are concepts to remember as you confess to your wife. [my emphasis]

Paul has done something I’ve not seen before. He has dovetailed the men’s ministry into the women’s ministry, directly. Under the women’s ministry tab you see What Ive come to expect from all women’s ministries:

    • Living In His Presence

    • Overcoming the Lies of the Enemy

    • Healing through forgiving

    • Discovering Who I Am

    • Bitter vs. Better with Judy Pittman

    • Pursuing God with Kelly Williamson

    • Daughter’s panel – Young ladies discuss how to resolve mother/daughter conflicts

Lets juxtapose.

Men, you are filthy rotten and you need to get fixed. But more, do you not realize that your rot is ruining your wife’s walk with God. We offer a fix for men, then we include men in the effort to encourage women to be Gods princess in this world so heavily stacked against women. Men, focus on whats wrong with men. Women, focus on how your low perception of yourself is a product of your husband and of the world, and realize that God created you precious and intended you to have great self esteem.

Once we get these women to the point where they can stop beating up on themselves and focus on helping their husbands keep their nose above water in the cesspool in which men are necessarily cursed to live, we have some other relevant treats for you gals:

Break-out sessions:

    • Weight loss programs that work with Lisa Whaley

    • Common uses of essential oils with Patryce Williams

While the man is busy doting, she gets in shape, she relaxes using essential oils.

According to the ministry, the men get to supplicate to the whole family. On the family page it says men need to hold be honest with everyone and thereby keep the family whole. Necessarily, then, the wife will have an ever present burden because if men tell their wives every sexual thought that goes through their mind, she is going to need a tandem axle to bear that burden. She is indeed held back and held down by the man she loves.

While hubby is at work and the kids at school, now fit and in control, the Mrs. can grab some therapeutic reading, imagining her perfect home, all in order, happy shiny kids, perfect beta supplicant husband, and just how wonderful is is that he was willing to do whatever it takes.

Husband, when you come home, check that stack of books on the nightstand. They found cocaine and herpes virus on copies of 50 Shades in a library in Belgium (I think). You may want to check your wife’s copy. I think you will find some silicone based “essential oils” present.

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10 thoughts on “Juxtaposition is a word I like to use

  1. Empath:
    “They set up the goal as setting the man up as spiritual leader…now who would not want to follow a man like that?”

    Well, apparently most women would NOT, since I just saw that ‘People’ magazine has selected its 2013 winners for the most desirable men in America. Here’s the Grand Chump-ion:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_Levine

    Of whom ‘People’ informs was chosen because he is ‘cool, confident, and sexy.’ IOW, a ‘manly alpha leader.’ This talking baboon (oops I mean, ‘alpha stud’) finished second:

    http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Timberlake

    The point here is, as Rob Fedders once said at ‘No Maam’, that the true test of a leader is how he interacts with MEN. Is he the kind of man that MEN follow? That’s an alpha and a leader. We see that women, given free rein in such matters, reflexively run after the exact opposite of that type of man. All of these formulae coming out of the Churchians is doomed to backfire because they value female opinions too highly and don’t value men at all.

  2. Great post Empath.

    @Empath:
    “According to the ministry, the men get to supplicate to the whole family. On the family page it says men need to hold be honest with everyone and thereby keep the family whole. Necessarily, then, the wife will have an ever present burden because if men tell their wives every sexual thought that goes through their mind, she is going to need a tandem axle to bear that burden.”

    This is what I find most disturbing. It doesn’t even make any good logical sense why a man ought to share every passing sinful thought to his wife, let alone lay it all out on the table for the whole family to see. I guess he might take some comfort in the physical touch he receives from his wife massaging his shoulders as he’s slumped over the kitchen table while children look around anxiously wondering if their lives are falling apart.
    Why can’t ‘secret sin’ stay between a man and his creator?! Can he not be trusted to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ? Must his wife act as the Holy Spirit???

    It’s so frustratingly bad with a couple I know right into this whole thing that the husband got in hot water for buying his wife a bottle of perfume from a chemist for her birthday. You might wonder why? Well clearly the ladies at the chemist are all dolled up with makeup and trim bodies being flaunted as they ooze over the men to help them….. and he ought to have found her a gift at the more modest hippy organic shop. CLEARLY Hannah! (Yes I very much went to bat for him and suggested gratefulness as an alternative!)

    As a woman, I run into this kind of crazy nonsensical ‘logic’ very very often. I go there every time. I wouldn’t dream of not…. but it does get beyond annoying when people just don’t get it.

    Honestly, the average husband has my deepest sympathies. What goes on behind closed doors….

  3. @Empath:
    “They set up the goal as setting the man up as spiritual leader…now who would not want to follow a man like that?”

    Right, and this is one of the places where it can feel like banging your head against a wall trying to discuss the faulty teaching to people who are right into it… it appears we’re all in agreement that HUSBANDS are to be the leaders of the home.
    Yet it’s obviously not the case if he’s now a husband she’s ‘created’.

  4. First time commenter — great post! I totally agree that wives are not to be confessors for their husbands. If a husband is having a struggle with sin, he needs another man to help with accountability and NOT his wife. We women are not equipped for that, and as my husband would say, it just putting burdens on women they are not meant to bear. Sad that ministries are directing men to go to their wives with these struggles — she is the lesser; what can she possibly have to give? A man needs his equal in that department. That’s like me going to my children for help and counsel against my own sin — does that even make sense? I realize that women are the drivers behind this, as they get their feathers all in a ruffle and the find a way to reason it Biblically, but the truth is women need to let it go and trust God. I have a friend who has struggled greatly in this area, always policing the TV for VS commercials, always concerned about husband on the computer, worrying that other women would be dressed scantily when they’d go out to dinner or whatever. She would talk to me about this stuff and all her fretting, and I finally told her one day — hey, not your purview! God know how to deal with your husband if he’s in sin,so let it go already! Lol, stuff like that gets annoying after awhile!

  5. Welcome Amanda and great comment.

    Best way to get hubby off TV and away from VS danger is for her to put on some VS herself and ask nicely that he turn off the set.

    See the irony? The power women have that stems from sexuality is what makes the man vulnerable in this arena, yet rather than do what the designer intended, she worries and frets that her husband my see something titillating.

  6. Well, my “Like” came through, but my comment didn’t. (It must be a personal revelation from God!)

    I dig the word “juxtaposition”, too. It’s just fun to say.

  7. platypus
    and
    melange
    and

    That volcano in Mexico , the name of which can be used in lieu of “hyperactive”: Popocatepetl

    These are a few of my favorite things

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