Jade is a color, jaded is its absence

Ive been MIA. A few folks inquired after me which was nice, and its slow today at work, and I opened my blog for the first time in a couple of weeks, and I decided to try and tie off my own loose ends into something germane for this space.

I was reading Cane’s take on Matt Walsh and his so gutsy man-up rant to men about porn and that is always something that gets me off my ass. I’m glad for that.

It was timely that Tal Prince was a guest at our church recently. It was likely a good thing i chose to, um, abstain from going hear what I knew he would say. I had been meaning to get together with my friend Google and find out more about Tal. I held a remote hope that he had something new to say. Cane’s blog entry spurred me on, and I found what I found, which is yet another porn ministry that ostensibly is to help men but in reality is another stealth form of lift pursuit.

Cane wrote,

“Once they’ve got the adultery bit in their mouths grace and forgiveness are thrown completely off”

The irony of the truth of what Cane wrote settles over the content at Tal’s ministry site, Route1520, and the catch phrase he uses, “Scandalous Grace”. There is little of grace evident in the fallout from these ministries. Once I’d have said well intended ministries, but I am not convinced that is the case.

Cane pointed out that Matt Walsh was perhaps assuaging his own guilt. Could be. What better way to take attention off of self than to become and activist against the very thing     you are hiding? But more, look at the reaction from women Matt garners in the comments. Now imagine Tal price at the church holding a 6:30 AM session for the men, then a need session for the women, separately, and the feedback he expects from the women based on what his site has to say to them:

If you have discovered unexplained pornography on your husband’s computer, find yourself worrying why your husband is late yet again, or wonder if your husband is doing something sexually inappropriate, you are not alone.

Sadly the bigger the group that represents “not alone” the richer the froth from the lathering up will be. Sea foam is jade. This froth is white hot and filled with passion. Grace is absent. But the presenter will get the second best thing to what used to feed his addiction. he will not get sex from these group encounters, but he will get what Christian men seek unashamedly as they throw men under the bus. he will get the lift.

To get an idea how far a man will go to get the lift, and how enough of the lift can even ease his longing for sex with his wife, take a look at what one blogger at Route1520 has to say about sex in marriage and how the equality of the wife need be foremost in it:

Sex is a want, not a need.

I would ask, if sex is not a need, what are needs in marriage? We talk of meeting one another’s needs. What are they? He does not say, but one can be sure that the things this writer would call needs would be things that a woman would call needs. In other words, if she needs it, its a need. And if men can develop the need for those same things, marital nirvana is arrived.

Some choice quotes from the writers piece:

A fast from sex exposes ulterior motives for serving his wife.[ ]

It’s just become second nature, and so often even when he is serving his wife – helping with the kids, cleaning up, doing chores around the house, etc. – he’s doing it to bank sexual credit with her; and he plans to cash it in later. When sex is temporarily not an option, he will probably realize that he no longer feels like serving because it doesn’t get him anything in the immediate. This is an opportunity for him to acknowledge his selfishness and begin to learn how to make new habits of serving with no strings attached.

There should be no strings attached because there should not need for there to be strings attached. They always miss this. They tend to be half right. They are correct in the selfless serving idea. They miss that sex should also be selflessly available. One of the ways to marginalize it is by proclaiming it a want and not a need. Its icing on the cake. Its a result of all the rest, not a part of the whole. So forth. So wrong.

The quotes are lifted from one of three parts in a series chronicling how this man handed over the reins to his wife. he thinks you can and you should too. because that is the bottom line in these porn ministries. It takes a real problem, distorts the people (mostly men) caught up in them, creates and magnifies the victim (usually women), twists scripture and what marriage looks like, and spews out a not fully digested pool of feted and festering rot.  The rot is control. The rot is power. The rot is whats causing the 50% of divorces that Matt Walsh is assigning to men’s porn use. Matt and these guys I’ve linked up are getting sex AND the lift, a combo unattainable but for those men willing to stand on the shoulders of the wounded.

I was jaded when I started to think about what to write. I read Cane’s blog, got pissed, remembered to research Tal Prince, now I am worse off than before…..but I got my mission parameters back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Jade is a color, jaded is its absence

  1. @ Empath:

    On Tal’s web site, in the about section, he indicates this:

    “Route1520 is built on the firm belief that individuals cannot change through mere willpower or simply learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out. We believe that change takes place in community as we take the Gospel of Jesus Christ more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts.”

    My question is about Tal’s assertion that change takes place in a “community”. I guess he means that Christians outta attend church and confess to other Christians their sins which will subsequently aide the sinner to stop sinning. To me this sounds totally ludicrous. In my opinion, in our current culture, one of the problems is that folks share way too much. I made this error a couple of years ago by honestly telling a ministry leader (who is female) that I once watched porn. I did not think it was a big deal. (and I still don’t think it is a BIG deal; sin nevertheless though). That lady in turn gossiped about me to many at the church which had a negative effect on how they viewed me. I never should have opened up to her or trusted her. Additionally, a female should not be a leader of men in a church, but that is besides the point here. To me it seems that we outta confess to Christ, and perhaps a trusted Christian friend or two, but not to the church membership at large.

    What do you think?

  2. My pleasure, and good post.

    It’s just become second nature, and so often even when he is serving his wife – helping with the kids, cleaning up, doing chores around the house, etc. – he’s doing it to bank sexual credit with her; and he plans to cash it in later.

    Hahahahaha! That guy needs to get together with the Christian speakers out there who are telling men to do the dishes so their wives can be free from distractions.

    Hey, hook a brotha up with a link.

  3. I’ve actually had discussions with some MRAs who argue the same way: that porn is inherently dangerous. In reality, I think extensive porn use is symptom of a problem—not the problem itself.

    “If you’ve discovered unexplained porn on your husband’s computer, &c”…

    This sort of thing occurring should actually be a wake-up call—and in a big way—to a wife. Unless the husband is just exploring new ideas to supplement an already healthy sex life with his wife, the fact that he’s turning to porn and looking at other women wistfully means that he isn’t satisfied with what he’s getting at home.

    “Sex is a want, not a need.”

    Attitudes like that are only adding fuel to the fire. Eivind Berge, who’s an anti-porn MRA, has pointed out that there are growing numbers of impotence cases among increasingly younger men—even into their late teens. These guys are also viewing more porn (Eivind mistakenly though believes that porn is the cause and not the effect). The reason younger and younger men are losing their sexual drives is because there are little or no objectives for these drives. They’re turning to porn for the same reason that men in famine-stricken countries eat shoe leather instead of steak dinners: the culture we live in doesn’t furnish the necessary means for sexual health.

    Until there’s some sort of improvement among American females (barring another mass immigration wave) things are going to continue to get worse.

    http://www.kshatriya-anglobitch.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-grapes-of-tantalus-revolt-delusion.html

  4. This right here:

    Years of experience have taught him that whenever he feels like having a sexual release, he is entitled to it either through masturbation or sex with his wife. Most men have never developed the discipline of channeling our desires into other expressions of intimacy with their wives. They believe that sex is something that they need every 3-5 days or so, and are not used to going without it for much longer than that.

    *confused face*

    Isn’t that what marriage is partially for…so that we can have licit sexual release when we want it? Does the Bible not say that we are to render the marital debt? Therefore, isn’t our spouse entitled to have sex with us if they want to and we are not ill?

    What a peculiar article that was; it’s troubling to think of how many Christian men – or even worse, their wives – read things like that. It’s like our Enemy is on both sides of the equation: the problem (pr0n) and the supposed cure (sex fasting). #satanFTW

  5. To debate whether sex is a marital want or need is to miss the point. It’s a right–a real right, and there are not many of those. One spouse pursuing sex with the other is not a matter of want or need any more than whether it’s a want or a need for someone to use their legs. It is their right, and whomever is obstructing that right is the offender.

  6. SSM

    Yes it’s an exclusive unique aspect of marriage. This man lays it all out, the full on capitulation to the normal women’s evolved preference after a certain time married. I know of a case where after 15 or so years the woman filed divorce because she found porn on hubby’s PC. He was kicked out. He told me that the year preceding, 12 months, they had sex 5 times. And it was rote.
    So 3 months in she gets a guy interested in her and they begin a sexual relationship. The husband was also sexually active during that time. They reconciled and though their sex life improved by frequency, the wife was more and more restrictive limiting them to two positions and the very basics. He discovered that the sex with the other man had been very interesting, in risqué places, all manner of activities. When asked she said something
    Like, yea you know how it
    The myth of female monogamy, the absurdity of the “feel safe” claims that say when she does she can give fully…..so forth. Things are backwards from conventional wisdom. A man can look forward to at best regular dull sex, a woman will still crave the salty variety, not with him. And this guy writing is enabling all that garbage.

    Cane
    I used to address the claims on CF that sex is a result of xyz in marriage, icing on cake, etc by saying no, it should just be…..it’s a part of marriage, coequal. I agree it’s not about want or need , it just IS.

    Imagine what marriage would look like if all these churchian advice bits were manifest. The evangelical feminist claim that a spouse is trapped, caged, would be true……it would be the men living under that.

  7. Vascularity, no, we do not need to confess to all those folks. This is another fem centric theme though that says you must tell your wife everything, every thought, every sin…..and they use confess to one another as proof text.
    If women confessed their thought life it would be shocking, world changing. The fantasies of women are best kept with women.

  8. Re:
    It’s just become second nature, and so often even when he is serving his wife – helping with the kids, cleaning up, doing chores around the house, etc. – he’s doing it to bank sexual credit with her; and he plans to cash it in later. When sex is temporarily not an option, he will probably realize that he no longer feels like serving because it doesn’t get him anything in the immediate. This is an opportunity for him to acknowledge his selfishness and begin to learn how to make new habits of serving with no strings attached.

    I agree completely. Help with the kids, clean up, and do chores around the house. I think I’ll do so for the divorcee down the street. The one with large breasts, who wears halter tops while doing the gardening. It’s the ‘Christian’ thing to do. I’m sure my wife won’t mind, but will appreciate my ‘Christian charity’ and reward me appropriately. Just like she does when I do the vacuuming.

  9. Empath,

    You gave some advice to Vascularity, so now I am asking. This is a follow-up to my previous comment, and Matt Walsh’s judgement that using porn is adultery.

    If I help with the kids, clean up, and do chores around the house for the divorcee down the street. The one with large breasts, who wears halter tops while doing the gardening. Is it adultery if I look at porn using her computer? It’s not like I am married to her, or is it deemed marriage if I help with the kids, clean up and do chores?

  10. SunshineMary:
    “Isn’t that a partial reason of what marriage is for, so we can have licit sexual release when we want it?”

    No—marriage has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a purely legal concept. As one blogger recently pointed out:
    “Our government currently requires you to get a license and sign legal papers in order to get married. Where in the Bible is that? If you need a license to get married, why don’t you need one to pray or go to Church?”

    There’s nothing ‘holy’ about marriage today—in fact, even homosexuals (in my home state) are married in churches and it’s considered ‘discrimination’ and is legally actionable if a church refuses to do this.

    By extension, the term ‘licit sexual release’ also implies that sex is a political/legal act; and is punishable outside of state sanction. If you mean ‘licit’ in the spiritual sense, (i.e. all sex outside of marriage is wrong) I would disagree with that too; largely for the same reasons. The basic problem here is that relationships between the genders today has become so corrupted the concept of a ‘spiritual union’ (what a marriage would actually be) wherein monogamy is enforced—without law of any kind—simply because no one would want to break such a union voluntarily.

  11. Empath:
    “If women confessed their thought life, the results would be shocking…”

    LOL—that’s of course premised on women actually telling the truth!

  12. Eric,

    It doesn’t take too much to get women to tell the truth, the results are truly shocking and horrifying.

    The best thing a young man contemplating marriage could do is to inform his fiancée he views pornography and intends to do so during their marriage.

    The church-sponsored concept of marriage has turned it into nothing other than prostitution. It won’t stop being prostitution until men rise up, lead, and simply take the sex that is theirs and stop asking for it.

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