Ive been MIA. A few folks inquired after me which was nice, and its slow today at work, and I opened my blog for the first time in a couple of weeks, and I decided to try and tie off my own loose ends into something germane for this space.
I was reading Cane’s take on Matt Walsh and his so gutsy man-up rant to men about porn and that is always something that gets me off my ass. I’m glad for that.
It was timely that Tal Prince was a guest at our church recently. It was likely a good thing i chose to, um, abstain from going hear what I knew he would say. I had been meaning to get together with my friend Google and find out more about Tal. I held a remote hope that he had something new to say. Cane’s blog entry spurred me on, and I found what I found, which is yet another porn ministry that ostensibly is to help men but in reality is another stealth form of lift pursuit.
“Once they’ve got the adultery bit in their mouths grace and forgiveness are thrown completely off”
The irony of the truth of what Cane wrote settles over the content at Tal’s ministry site, Route1520, and the catch phrase he uses, “Scandalous Grace”. There is little of grace evident in the fallout from these ministries. Once I’d have said well intended ministries, but I am not convinced that is the case.
Cane pointed out that Matt Walsh was perhaps assuaging his own guilt. Could be. What better way to take attention off of self than to become and activist against the very thing you are hiding? But more, look at the reaction from women Matt garners in the comments. Now imagine Tal price at the church holding a 6:30 AM session for the men, then a need session for the women, separately, and the feedback he expects from the women based on what his site has to say to them:
If you have discovered unexplained pornography on your husband’s computer, find yourself worrying why your husband is late yet again, or wonder if your husband is doing something sexually inappropriate, you are not alone.
Sadly the bigger the group that represents “not alone” the richer the froth from the lathering up will be. Sea foam is jade. This froth is white hot and filled with passion. Grace is absent. But the presenter will get the second best thing to what used to feed his addiction. he will not get sex from these group encounters, but he will get what Christian men seek unashamedly as they throw men under the bus. he will get the lift.
To get an idea how far a man will go to get the lift, and how enough of the lift can even ease his longing for sex with his wife, take a look at what one blogger at Route1520 has to say about sex in marriage and how the equality of the wife need be foremost in it:
Sex is a want, not a need.
I would ask, if sex is not a need, what are needs in marriage? We talk of meeting one another’s needs. What are they? He does not say, but one can be sure that the things this writer would call needs would be things that a woman would call needs. In other words, if she needs it, its a need. And if men can develop the need for those same things, marital nirvana is arrived.
Some choice quotes from the writers piece:
A fast from sex exposes ulterior motives for serving his wife.[ ]
It’s just become second nature, and so often even when he is serving his wife – helping with the kids, cleaning up, doing chores around the house, etc. – he’s doing it to bank sexual credit with her; and he plans to cash it in later. When sex is temporarily not an option, he will probably realize that he no longer feels like serving because it doesn’t get him anything in the immediate. This is an opportunity for him to acknowledge his selfishness and begin to learn how to make new habits of serving with no strings attached.
There should be no strings attached because there should not need for there to be strings attached. They always miss this. They tend to be half right. They are correct in the selfless serving idea. They miss that sex should also be selflessly available. One of the ways to marginalize it is by proclaiming it a want and not a need. Its icing on the cake. Its a result of all the rest, not a part of the whole. So forth. So wrong.
The quotes are lifted from one of three parts in a series chronicling how this man handed over the reins to his wife. he thinks you can and you should too. because that is the bottom line in these porn ministries. It takes a real problem, distorts the people (mostly men) caught up in them, creates and magnifies the victim (usually women), twists scripture and what marriage looks like, and spews out a not fully digested pool of feted and festering rot. The rot is control. The rot is power. The rot is whats causing the 50% of divorces that Matt Walsh is assigning to men’s porn use. Matt and these guys I’ve linked up are getting sex AND the lift, a combo unattainable but for those men willing to stand on the shoulders of the wounded.
I was jaded when I started to think about what to write. I read Cane’s blog, got pissed, remembered to research Tal Prince, now I am worse off than before…..but I got my mission parameters back.