Of course, communiction is the key….

Yawn

Wives are in control when it comes to marital happiness. That’s what an article at shine/yahoo has to say today. A funny sidebar, in my tab over my browser it is truncated to say “Wives are in control…”. The tab is more correct than the article.

When it comes to marital satisfaction, it turns out women are in the driver’s seat.

If they would have stopped there, the profound simplicity of the statement would have awed me. But no, they had to whittle.

Those in marriages in which the wives calmed down quickly during an argument were found to be the happiest. What’s more, those same marriages were shown to be happiest in the long run too.

We skip the cause of the argument. We skip the form and function of the argument. Not important. If the wife calms down afterwards all is well.

What does this really mean? Nothing new. It states in a tangential way what most men experience regularly. An argument starts for whatever reason. The subject becomes irrelevant. The manner of arguing becomes what the argument is about. Then, if the woman calms down things get back to normal. Of course that’s true. Because the man are EXPECTED to calm down. The men had better calm down. Crap will reign down on men if they do not calm down. Its her choice alone to de-escalate. The man knows all along it doesn’t matter if he is wrong or right. With every de-escalation he grows more frustrated.

They hypothesize the reason for all of this must be those dang stereotypes again. Matthew, did you contribute to yahoo?

even when both men and women were good at calming down during a disagreement, the emotional outcome of the fight was determined by how the wife was feeling, which, in part, might stem from long-held gender beliefs

Baloney, they say, the only reason women are the emotional center of marriage is because they are expected to be. Nothing innate about it.

At least they get this right

“Wives are more bothered by conflict than husbands are, and it causes more distress to them and has ramifications

for their long-term marital happiness,

But, as usual, for all the wrong reasons.

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22 thoughts on “Of course, communiction is the key….

  1. I saw the same article, and thought an encouraging note could be coaxed from it if you spun it right, which I’m not sure I have the subtlety to do, but it comes down to this: she has no power to create happiness in the relationship, only to destroy it if I let her. It’s true “happy wife happy life”. You can beg for that, or you can command it.

    Once a man learns this, he can turn a tiff one of two ways. He can go the Love Dare route. BTDT. FTS. He can go the STFU route. In the manosphere , we believe the latter is what she is begging for anyway: to be made to settle down, to be contained by the sheer overwhelmingness of your manly emotional stability.

    Thus, the argument ends when the wife calms down, no more and no less, and no further intervention or apologies are necessary except perhaps hers. I suspect if you make her apologize for her childishness, or at least quit supplicating yourself, she will learn her lessons, making the arguments much less common.

    The Mrs. had a bit of drama yesterday that she tried to draw me into; I made a foray into participation, but quickly withdrew it when she got huffy. Years ago I would have gone to her on my knees with flowers and supplications for forgiveness for insensitivity or whatever, but this time I walked away and decided it was her problem, and that if anyone owed anyone an apology it was to me. She worked it out on her own and today she’s happy.

  2. He can go the STFU route. In the manosphere , we believe the latter is what she is begging for anyway: to be made to settle down, to be contained by the sheer overwhelmingness of your manly emotional stability.

    Thus, the argument ends when the wife calms down, no more and no less, and no further intervention or apologies are necessary except perhaps hers. I suspect if you make her apologize for her childishness, or at least quit supplicating yourself, she will learn her lessons, making the arguments much less common.

    Caspar Reyes, you are a harsh man.

  3. Not really. I am speaking categorically, using Love Dare and STFU as representative extremes.

    I know.

  4. In sexual relationships (like marriage), women are weak, timid sexual prey. This is part of evolution (a legacy of procreation through rape when primitive men didn’t know any better and chose the weakest women they could find to mate with). The man still asks the woman out on a date usually. You haven’t ever questioned why? The woman is insecure and unconsciously afraid of you, and so when she feels threatened she’s going to get defensive and bark like a wild dog. That’s why you (the male) must be the one to let her know you’re not going to hurt her when you’re in a fight. That’s why you must be the one to be more rational and calm and put your metaphorical gun down first.

    Men have an implicit weapon: their genitals. Technically, a husband can rape his own wife any time he wants. (It’s obviously illegal and immoral but technically possible.) That’s the reason the male needs to be careful not to be too aggressive in an argument. He’s already got the advantage. Of those who have much (I.e. men), much is expected.

  5. Women in control? That’s a joke. Only to delusional women and brainwashed men who are stupid enough to fall for the bluff is that true. Women get penetrated. People who get penetrated are not in control. They are the ones being controlled.

    It’s all a matter of perspective.

    “Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.”
    (narrator from the movie “Fight Club”)

  6. Caspar:
    What most women are looking for when they provoke arguments is to prove their superiority over men. They’re not looking for any kind of ‘male leadership’ they’re looking for proof that the husband/boyfriend is just ‘another male pig’ so that she can dump him and move on to a weaker guy. It’s a no-win situation, in reality. They only want men whom they can dominate and control.

  7. Seriously Eric? That list is supposed to be serious? And is supposed to be some kind of revelation about what women want?

    Not ONE of those men would have sprang to mind if you asked me to name who I thought were the most alluring celebrity men. Not ONE.

  8. What most women are looking for when they provoke arguments is to prove their superiority over men.They’re not looking for any kind of ‘male leadership’ they’re looking for proof that the husband/boyfriend is just ‘another male pig’ so that she can dump him and move on to a weaker guy. It’s a no-win situation, in reality. They only want men whom they can dominate and control.

    Nope, Eric. The culture has already reached an erroneous verdict: that women are superior to men. Women don’t need to pick arguments to prove that. We need only pick up a magazine, turn on the television, or even go to church. Deep down however, most of us know it isn’t true. Why would anyone want to be so bothered as to tether herself to an inferior?

    it is also not true that women don’t prefer dominant men. It’s that women tend (from what I’ve witnessed) to have preferences that run in one direction or the other. Some want a man who is dominant without apology. That’s my bent as I find diffidence not only unattractive in a man but confusing.

    Other women want a man they can lead around by the nose. That sounds terribly boring for both parties but there seems to be large numbers of people who can live with it.

  9. Elspeth is AMOGIng me on my own blog. Not a sammich, a link

    It works, how can I help?

    Oh, wow. LOL. That was totally unintended, the way I wrote that. I was asking you to fix the link in the original comment.

    And “pretty please oh great and power blog master” was implied, if not stated. [gettin’ closer/and you know I jest anyway]

    [but seriously, I did not understand the problem, link works fine]

  10. I’ve started to read a “Dog Whisperer” book, and it has some insights that might be applicable here.

    Pack leaders always maintain a calm demeanor.

    Dogs will not follow a dog that is agitated. A dog displaying emotion, agitated, or that is not calm is NOT a dominant dog.

    Never pull backwards on a leash. Directly opposing force doesn’t work with a dog. Pull the leash to the side and redirect them.

    I’ve heard it stated that the reason men and wolves started associating with each other is because their social structures were similar. Wolves found it easy to view humans as their pack leaders, because humans were natural pack leaders due to their group/leadership social constructs.

    I don’t know how far you can take the analogy, but I’ve always thought you could gain new insights by taking concepts from one area and applying them to an unrelated area.

    In this case, the next time you have a fight with your wife, don’t do the same thing you’ve done in the past (which for most men as been ineffective, at least according to this article). Instead, think “If I was a pack leader and one of my dogs was acting like this, how would I handle it?”

  11. think “If I was a pack leader and one of my dogs was acting like this, how would I handle it?”

    I have 3 dogs in the house. Im likin’ your idea because what my dogs do to try and express dominance is they mount each other. Thats EXACTLY why I will now head home to provoke and argument

  12. Elspeth:
    “this list is supposed to be serious? Some kind of revelation about what women want? Not one of those men would have sprung to mind if you asked me to name who I thought were the most alluring celebrity men.”

    They may not have come into YOUR mind; but they came into the minds of the thousands of women who voted for them. I’ve seen many variations of these lists and several of these jokers turn up on all of them. It’s hard to argue that the majority of women at least aren’t salivating over the likes of the creepy Robert Pattison or Taylor Lautner; or thugs like Johnny Depp and that Beckham dude from England when they are EVERYWHERE.

    I hear women complain all the time: ‘where have all the good men gone?’ and ‘what every happened to the strong, heroic leader type?’ Well, it’s obvious to me that women aren’t paying much attention to such men (because they’re not really looking for them) while losers like the guys on the list have women lining up to have their babies!

    As an aside BTW, the Arab guy who finished #1 wasn’t kicked out of Saudi Arabia for ‘being too sexy for women’; he was kicked out because he was suspected (not without good reason) of homosexuality.

  13. Two words: tranquilizer darts.

    @8to12
    I’m no expert in animal and pack behavior, but I’ve read an article or two which suggests the taken-for-granted ideas are being rethought. In particular, the fieldcstudies and measurements are showing the pack leader doesn’t eat sooner or more when there’s a kill, they don’t get more or better mates, etc. IOW, all the presumed advantages of being the dominant leader of the pack are currently being called into question by researchers in this field. I thought I’d throw that out there.

    Even the wolf researcher who coined the term “alpha wolf” now disavows his earlier work and says he wishes it hadn’t caught on in the outside world the way it did. Sorry, but I don’t recall his name, and I don’t have a link to the YouTube video I saw a few years back where he was ‘splaining that things are more complicated than previously thought. Something to keep in mind.

  14. @ Martian Bachelor:

    I believe the wolf researcher you have in mind is Dr. L. David Mech. Here is a link to a video of his. Perhaps it is the one you refer to:

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