Men: live like Pharisees while women bask in grace

Sphere bloggers, this one included, are often accused, in written comments, of hating women. If we pontificate in real life similar to how we do behind our screen names then we hear these accusations spoken as well. It’s the lowest and cheapest rebuke we get from women (and some men) who point to no evidence of having found an inaccuracy, but bow up in writing or in person perhaps expressly because they found no inaccuracies. This is not to say there are no inaccuracies, only that they are not predominant and are usually wrapped in much truth. Truth can hurt. Truth can anger.

Almost all men have had some injury at the hand of a woman. (Just as almost all women have conversely had some injury at the hands of a man. By injury I do not mean only physical.) Even in the evangelical feminist church seminar 33, The Series, there was a section about the lasting pain from what mothers may have done during boyhood. They acknowledged this, albeit in a way that precluded any real culpability for the women involved because the love that motivated them necessarily mitigates whatever harm came from them in the form of smothering.

I confess that I can be relentless as I look for the feminism, especially evangelical feminism, in daily life. In doing so it leaves little doubt in the minds of those close enough to me to know how consistent I am about it, that I believe this is an undiscovered problem in the main and it is destroying Christianity, unchecked, from the inside out. It is not hatred, therefore, but it is doggedness. And if doggedness is indicative of hatred, I offer the churches drum beat on homosexuality and its related matters like same sex marriage as compelling evidence that the church is a hate movement. But the church is not, in general, hateful. It is dogged.

As a motive, if there has been a deep sustained wound to a man, so mortal as to cause a pathological reaction that will not relent, then perhaps hatred is a factor. It can be, however, pathological yet not hateful. This may be irrational, but again, it is not hate. Another reaction to being wounded can be an Asperger-like obsession with the issues we bandy around in the sphere. And finally, it is possible for the badly or mildly wounded or even the unwounded to simply see the red pill truth and experience a sort of calling to right a wrong. In other words, God is involved. I am not sure if I could adequately express my own motives for staying on a topic for the past ten years and not tiring of it or growing discouraged enough to walk away.

The engaged, which bloggers are a part of, consists of people who are wounded, obsessive, called, or all of the above, hence they are the best equipped to be the engaged.

The problem with calling us hateful is that it is to look away dismissively because what we say is not at all congruent with conventional wisdom, which is like being in a lazy comfy chair. That’s why few men fall into the category of those who see the injustice without having experienced it.

The irony is, we would not say that evangelical feminist women (or men) hate men. No. They just lazily think men are at fault for everything from sexual moral decay to static electricity in wool pants. Women in particular have bought the idea that they have special virtues. One such virtue would seem to be empathy. I have a post in the queue about that. Its one I am taking my time in writing.

The fact is that instead of looking at men, ascribing characteristics to us that let you stay in the comfy thought chair, and then setting up human mechanisms to keep men dancing to the play list women select, how about we realize we owe everything, both and all of us, to a bloody lamb that cleaned us up. Yes, men were in there too. It is not hatred therefore that we are tired of being expected to live like Pharisees while women bask in grace.


22 thoughts on “Men: live like Pharisees while women bask in grace

  1. “I confess that I can be relentless as I look for the feminism, especially evangelical feminism, in daily life.”

    Me too… I am dogged – but I also don’t hate women!
    Online and IRL it’s a default defensive response people have when the truth you’re offering is too painful to accept. They want to reject what you’re saying, and the easiest way is to reject you.
    Shooting the messenger is less work than trying to apply the message…

    I look forward to your Empathy post… seems funny to me that it’s considered a ‘feminine’ quality, and yet it’s the major factor missing in women understanding men. Stranger than strange.

    Good work Empath – keep it up!

  2. Exactly Hannah! The point you make that women typically do not extend empathy to men, but yet claim to possess empathy monopolistically.

    Also, men are told to share their feelings and be open. But when we do, we get immediately dismissed.

    That was well articulated Empath. I can tell that you put your heart is this post. Most all the men here have been hurt to some degree. MGTOW is really a pathological mode of living, but very understandable to me.

    Having these blogs to read and express is a help. Without, there would be no option for many hurt men to experience some validation. Especially helpful is the fact that many of these manosphere blogs are Christian. I’ll be bold by stating that you blog authors are really leading a sort of ministry for men (and women).

  3. Hating evil is called being good. Hating homosexuality is a good thing. We live in an insane and morally-corrupt society that loves evil, and if no one opposes it then the boat is going to sink very fast (not that that won’t happen anyway, just more slowly).

    A bloody lamb? Are you talking about the fantasy known as “Jesus”? Jesus is so overrated. He didn’t say anything that other, peaceful religions haven’t already said or that any intelligent philosopher wouldn’t be able to conclude by him/herself. The basic principle of Christianity is to not do harm (most of the time). Harm hurts. It’s a simple principle that any intelligent person can grasp without need for a “savior”.

  4. It’s funny you mention the Pharisees and hatred. Jesus was pretty hateful and opinionated towards the Pharisees:

    “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

    Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

    You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?”

    (Matthew 23:25-33)

  5. Yea, wimminz and manginas doggedly leaning on the misogyny horn got old and annoying about twenty years ago.

    Did you ever see Nicole Sullivan’s character The Vancome Lady on MAD-TV? (YouTube clips available) That was and still is the basic attitude.

    I’m not an xtian, so a secular version or translation of your title statement could be: The state owns the women now; it has won their hearts and minds, and the resulting pimpocracy has their enthusiastic cooperation in constructing a gyno-gulag for men, because they the women get the cushy enjoyable carefree living afforded by being privileged to live in the vast virtual harem created for them at the expense of those men.

    Or something like that. I really swung by to see if you remembered where you saw that research report on female rats, pheremones, and tears you mentioned over at D’s.

  6. Martian, let me see if I can find that thing. Or if you want to look I believe it was in The International Tribune, or Financial Times. I tore it out while I was traveling overseas and those are the papers on the planes. Maybe WSJ Euro edition.

  7. Found it – and both and (among others) – last month, articles based on a paper at Nature.

    It involved mice (not rats) who were pre-pubescent. A natural defense to pedophilia.

    I also turned up an interesting and somewhat lengthy article on “Tears as Chemical Signals” in humans at the notrocketscience blog at based on research published in Science showing adult female tears turn men off and lower their testosterone levels.

    So, no, we really really don’t want to make ’em cry.

  8. A few thoughts:

    1. Homosexuality. Homosexuality is like a scapegoat in Christianity. Same sex marriage fears enable Christians to avoid dealing with the problems within heterosexual marriage. It’s a comparative sideshow. So no argument here. Christians generally have no right to point the figure while our own divorce figures are rampant.

    2. What Empath wrote is one of the most clear definitions of the problem of raising the issues in question that I’ve seen, and I am glad that he wrote it. A huge part of the problem in addressing concerns is that any attempt at this is taken as hatred for women rather than simply as raising concerns.

    [Thank you, I appreciate your saying what you did in number 2]

  9. Empath:
    Basically I agree with what Hannah and Vascularity said—misogyny is not what motivates many men. It’s true that the Manosphere is full of many of us who’ve been hurt to some degree; but the reason many of us MGTOW is because abusive/predatory behavior towards men has become THE NORMAL STATE of things. Shaming Language I often hear is ‘you let one bad experience with women change your mind.’ Actually—at least in my case—it was one bad experience in a series of them. And when I first came to the Manosphere, I discovered most men here had even worse experiences than I did.

    It goes back to what was said earlier about the options men today face: the living death of involuntary celibacy or the living hell of a relationship. There’s no especial joy in living a life without women or the prospect of children; and there’s even less at watching thugs and losers monopolizing both. But that’s the world we live in; and there’s little we can do about it.

  10. Eric, I hesitate to ask others personal questions here in the sphere, so don’t answer if you want to maintain full privacy, But I am curious if you have any children. It sounds like you don’t and it sounds like you are divorced, and also it sounds like you share the Christian faith. Is all that correct; if you want to share?

    It sure is difficult to decide how to live in our culture. I am 49 years of age, but I have a 13 year old son who I share custody of, so even if I do not ever have another relationship, I have my son to focus on.

    Last week I met a young lady, who I was hoping to run into again, but haven’t yet. I’ve been mentally sparing with myself, trying to decide if I outta pursue more conversation with her. She was definitely interested in me, but I do not know if I should proceed. I would like to have a cute young lady to share some life with, but I know I would never marry again. So my dilemma is: Should I be selfish and pursue her for mutual fun or should I continue to remain without. If I wasn’t a Christian, then the decision would be easy. I do not want to take advantage of her and I do not want to sin in a way that could adversely effect a young lady.

    From memory; now kinda distant memory, I remember how wonderful it can be to be with a woman when things are going well. In addition to the sex, the cuddling on the couch while watching a movie, going out to eat, clowning around together.

    My selfish thinking also includes the reality that while we are not married, she will continue to treat me very well, hoping for commitment. But if I did marry her, it would be a recipe for disaster due to me being more than a couple of years older. Ten years from now I will be 59 and she will still be young and cute. I am totally jumping the gun in my head as we only had one conversation.

    What a nutty world we inhabit………….

  11. Vascularity777 you’re far too kind but thanks 🙂

    “Ten years from now I will be 59 and she will still be young and cute.”

    59 isn’t old! Meanwhile… How old is she now?
    You mention not remarrying – would you mind sharing if this a MGTOW type decision or biblical reasoning? It’s difficult to figure how to encourage men in your kind of situation ie: divorced and a believer. I wouldn’t wish loneliness on anyone, yet I can see it’s hard to navigate a moral future…

    I’m glad you have shared custody of your son. My husband grew up without a father and added to the statistics as a result. Boys need their dads. May the Lord help you train your son in the way that he should go. Bless you!

  12. @ Vas:

    But if I did marry her, it would be a recipe for disaster due to me being more than a couple of years older. Ten years from now I will be 59 and she will still be young and cute. I am totally jumping the gun in my head as we only had one conversation.

    My stepmother is 20+ years younger than my father and they’ve had a great marriage for over 30 years now.. She didn’t suddenly turn all shrewish or whorish when he turned 60. Now to be sure, she’s a rare breed of woman but stlll. My point is that if you’re going to go for it, go for it and don’t borrow trouble.

    Excellent post Empath, by the way.

  13. Vascularity:
    As a rule, I don’t talk much about past relationships in the Manosphere, because it seems to invite feminist and mangina trolls who want to pour Shaming Language on you to prove to themselves it’s somehow ‘all your own fault’. However, your questions weren’t too intrusive: I don’t have any children (although I like kids); I’m not divorced; although most of my past relationships were long-term committed ones (well, at least I was committed anyway) that generally ended up with the woman running off with some complete dirtbag. As for sharing the Christian faith—there’s so many definitions of ‘Christian’ these days—but I would answer that yes.

    You’re right: it is a messed up situation not knowing what to do. In THEORY having a woman to share your life with would be a great thing—in actual practice, it’s worse than staying single. I don’t know what your views on porn are; but maybe indulging in a little of that would make the urges go away!

  14. Hannah & Elspeth:
    The problem with both your comments about age is that probably 99% of today’s women wouldn’t agree with it. Once a man today hits 30-35 he’s automatically labelled a ‘middle-aged loser’ or ‘a creepy older dude’ and girls who show any interest in older men are shamed by their peers for ‘having daddy issues.’ Of course, none of this applies to men over 30 who genuinely ARE creepy and dirty. Those guys get a free pass and usually have no shortage of young, hot women to choose from.

  15. Empath… I don’t know why I don’t visit here more often. I’d forgotten how wonderful (and simple) your posts are. Simple in the sense that they are very clear, without and excess of obfuscating language. This post is very good and I can affirm that I ‘ended up’ in the manosphere in many ways as a consequence for hurtful experiences I had with women and that I saw others have. Mine are no where near as bad, but still…. In any event, it is in some ways a bit of a life raft at times because the prevalence of the feminist mentality in our culture. We swim in it, and I, though I never would have considered myself ‘anti-feminist’ find myself often in situations where self-censorship is the norm, where supplicating behaviour is expected and where the feelings of women trump virtually anything else. What kind of environment is this you ask? An Evangelical one of course.

    And the thing is, there is sooo much good and sooo much honest seeking within those communities. People genuinely want to do right by women and genuinely want to build good relationships, but are are also genuinely deceived about the wickedness of feminism and how it poisons everything it touches.

  16. Empath… I don’t know why I don’t visit here more often. I’d forgotten how wonderful (and simple) your posts are, in the sense that they are very clear, without and excess of obfuscating language

    That is very kind of you to say. Thank You

    I write almost every post very fast because I do not have time to do otherwise. I doubt I would anyway, Dalrock and others do that so well its not a space to be in anyway. Then there is the eloquence thing which, if I ever make an eloquent statement it is not on purpose, but coincidence.

    Its good to know someone actually sees simplicity as a style….while it could well be a mental deficit

  17. Well every person has his niche. I don’t read Dalrock as much as I once did because the statistics usually bore me and the comment section is a madhouse.

  18. The truth is that male religious leaders have had – and still have – an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. This is in clear violation not just of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but also the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, Moses and the prophets, Muhammad, and founders of other great religions – all of whom have called for proper and equitable treatment of all the children of God. It is time we had the courage to challenge these views.

  19. @ Hannah:

    I apologize for not responding till now. I appreciate your response to me.

    Not having a relationship or another wife, for me, is primarily a self-preservation measure. I know how awful life can be in a bad marriage. I do not want to relive that again, yet the probability is very high if I were to roll the dice and marry again.

    The choice to not just have a girlfriend is more about my faith. I struggle with this choice of mine. I know I could get dates if I chose to. I know if I began to date, I would eventually want to have a sexual relationship with the woman. I know it is God’s will for us to only enjoy sex within the confines of marriage. Hence my choice. But I must be honest and also indicate that my resolve to remain girlfriend free is not etched in stone. I feel temped frequently, especially when I have contact with pretty ladies.

    I’m really not one to feel loneliness. I have learned to fill my time with hobbies that I enjoy very much, i.e., working out, reading, calling obama names when I hear his talk on the TV. I speculate that generally speaking it is more difficult for a female to be alone than a male. What do you think?

    In addition to my faith in Christ, my son is the gem of my life. He is a wonderful person and a wonderful blessing from our Creator. YES, boys needs their dads!

    @ Eric:

    You are wise to not share too much online. I believe I have shared way too much over this past year. But at the same time I’m not worried.

    Yea, there are so many definitions of what a Christian is. With all the churches and denominations disagreeing and competing, it is no wonder there is so much confusion. I’ll add that I believe we who believe Sola Scriptura (spelling?) are better off doctrinally than denominations that do not. Which leads to the question of who’s interpretation is correct. I tell my son that I respect preachers, but I check the bible for myself and do not just take on faith that a pastor is correct in anything he says.

    Porn watching is sin, just as fornication is sin. I’m far from being sinless as we all are. Porn gets old after a while. In actuality, there really is no substitute for a wife for the Christian man. Either a Christian man marries, or he learns to not have any orgasms if he wants to not sin in this regard. If I am wrong, please explain.

    Eric, good point regarding the age issue. If I, a 49 year old man were to date a 22 year old college student, I would be viewed as a creep, or a selfish man who is taking advantage. And as I write this, I realize that the selfish man criticism would be correct. But to be honest, I cannot guarantee that I won’t do it.

    @ tbc:

    Good to see you here. I found some wisdom is some of your comments at Dalrock’s.

    @ Empath:

    I’m back to offer a few more brilliant comments. (haha)

  20. Vascularity:
    It’s true that men our age would be viewed as ‘creeps’ by younger women; but that doesn’t mean we’re either creepy or selfish. That’s how younger women are educated by feminist society to view ‘older’ men: but—as the recent example of Charles Manson’s marriage shows—for older men who genuinely ARE selfish, thuggish creeps, these rules don’t apply. Not one of these teen/twenty-something Bitches—who’d cut us down with the most bitter shaming language if we dared so much as look at them—would have any problem with leaping into bed with some violent, mentally-unstable dirtbag, even ones older than we are. There’s nothing wrong with age differences—in fact I’ve always believed that younger women and older men are mutually beneficial to each other in a healthy relationship.

    I think that fornication is term too narrowly defined by most Christians. (The issue came up recently on another blog). The idea, I think is tied more closely to violating another man’s sexual property, I commented on it on some more detail here:

    Porn, likewise, I don’t think is necessarily harmful or evil—but the fact that more and more men are turning to it is more of a symptom of wider social problem than the ‘porn issue’ itself. But it’s sort of a moot point nowadays anyway, because the quality of women has sunk to such a nadir that even the porn industry is struggling to find suitable subjects even for male fantasies. Most porn I’ve seen recently is just as revolting as looking at the Ameroskanks in the street—and in both cases, I feel like taking a bath in tomato juice afterwards! LOL

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