Rainy.Ii could just leave that here and be done.
He has cooked up what he calls 11 Rules on Marriage You Won’t Learn in School. I had already been notified (and again, notified) that the Rainy’s have a new book coming out called Preparing for Marriage, Devotions for Couples. Its a set of devotionals for men and women who are about to marry. For reasons inexplicable, I was thinking that they must have written the book with admonishment of men and encouragement of women in mind. Not sure why I thought that.
Delivered into my hands was proof that my mysterious suspicions were well founded. The article about 11 rules is excerpted from the book. Rainy writes in the article that we should pass these rules along to friends. So, lets have a look.
Rule 1: Marriage isn’t about your happiness. It’s not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there’s a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.
Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.
Rule 3: It’s okay to have one rookie season, but it’s not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don’t continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.
Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.
Rule 5: Love isn’t a feeling. Love is commitment. It’s time to replace the “D-word”—divorce—with the “C-word”—commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can’t begin a marriage without commitment. You can’t sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.
Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage are the real thing.
Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong “Romantic Language School,” and become fluent in your spouse’s language.
Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God’s gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.
Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and it poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man’s drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.
Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can’t be built from two very different sets of blueprints.
Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.
Men are mentioned, specifically, in three of the eleven. Four more are clearly pointed towards men. Even if not, that’s how evangelical communication code works. More astonishing is the ubiquitous omission (I know that term bombs but it fits here) of women in rules that are precisely applicable to them. For example, regarding the primacy of happiness, would it have been out of line to take that opportunity to drop the word “woman” in there? How about the one that says love is not a feeling but a commitment? If he was intellectually honest would he not have at least intimated that it is women jettisoning most marriages over feelings? Rainy had no reluctance to point the pornography arrow straight at men based on what most would agree is, statistically, a male problem (increasing female porn use notwithstanding).
Is it tough to imagine, therefore, that this devotional is a kind of porn for women who are about to marry? They don’t have to learn their wiles on the job. They can get equipped with some great attack lines before they even walk the aisle!
This may be a sign that Rainy has seen some feedback from married Christian men stating that we are fed up with his drum beat of misandry. So, rather than address the problem, he finds a new “target audience”.
Finally, I have to marvel at their ability to repackage the same handful of ideas over and over and grow a huge ministry as a result. That is a line of inquiry that reflects poorly on the evangelical masses and their lack of deep thinking.