Point Perspective……futile chasing of a diminishing horizon

I had queued up a complimentary post about Jimmy Evans. One where he tread into sex adroitly. Its been sitting there waiting for a rework. Good thing I have been traveling or I’d have posted it before he said that the measure of a man is his wife’s happiness. I’m not insecure saying I do not think that is new ground plowed. Not to be out done by himself, Evans followed that with another emailed bit in which he, unaware, explains why making that the measure of a man is like chasing the point where the parallel lines of an extending rail track actually touch one another.

First he sells the notion of happy wife primacy, and he sells it well with an accidental nod to “it is what it is”. He shares a dialog between a man and his wife.

[ ]he lay in bed next to his wife. At the time, everything seemed to be going his way, and he remembers thinking how wonderful things had turned out.

In a moment of emotional honesty that tends to be pretty rare among guys, he said to his wife, “You know, I’ve never been happier than I am at this moment.”

She burst into tears.

He asked what was wrong, and she sobbed even more, tears streaming onto her pillow. “I’ve never been this unhappy,” she said.

The boom that Joel and Kathy lower was made of TNT. Evans’ boom is pure C4. (Yes, I know its a screwed up mixed metaphor)

 You’re not a successful husband until your wife says you are.

The true barometer of a healthy marriage is a happy and secure wife.

Really? Why would that be?

Because the countenance of a wife reveals the true character of a man. When you see a woman who is beaten down and vulnerable, you’re seeing the reflection of a man who is wounded—and who wounds those he loves. This is a man refusing to embrace his responsibility before God.

Evans then takes something evident and good, and twists it….hard.

One day, every man will stand before Jesus and give an account of his life. I fully expect a question like this: “How did you treat the precious women I put in your life? How did you treat your wife and daughters?”

He pours out a confession of his own past failure in this formulaic evangelical admonishment.

Had I been asked that question nearly forty years ago, I would have bowed my head in shame. Thankfully, God reached into my heart and changed my life. Today, the man I became is reflected in the woman Karen has become. She radiates poise and confidence, and God is doing great things through her.

I am thankful for inadvertent revelation. In his next email blast Evans explains why the previous email is futility on a stick.

He starts pushing a point.

How are you treating the women in your life?

Good question. And it matters. But he makes it not matter and does not even realize it.

I keep encountering women who are deeply wounded. This wound comes from the culture around us.

Now he must make this Bible-ish.

During the time of Christ, they [women] were treated like cattle and traded like any other property. In many societies, that’s still the case today.

Evans goes on to lament that women could not vote here in this oppressive country until 1920. This, men, is based on how you treat your wives, and is demonstrative that you treat them poorly. Remember, unhappy wife, failed man.

He rolls…

Disdain. Condescension. Ridicule. In far too many ways and for far too many years, these have been the things women have come to expect.

And blindingly bright neon pandering follows

Jesus, who continually fought for the rights of women. During his ministry, Jesus engaged women in intellectual conversation, praised them for wanting to learn, invited them to follow Him and become disciples.

No need to parse more. This is obvious, what happened here. Evans did not go deep into some sort of needed revelatory teaching for men. Evans did not consider, prayerfully, what may be a morsel that could REALLY save a marriage.

Nope.

Evans pissed off his wife with this little letter about sex. And these two subsequent letters were, first, an attempt to to redeem himself (fail), and then his successful redemption.

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13 thoughts on “Point Perspective……futile chasing of a diminishing horizon

  1. Oh, and Evans, if you’re listening.. women are never happy, they’re always looking for or creating drama, they need it as you need air.

  2. You know, that letter you left the link to at the bottom wasn’t half-bad. Almost seems like it was written by a different person than whomever wrote the trash above.

  3. I agree with donalgraeme regarding the letter. Jimmy writes that men are more visually stimulated, which seems to be a mystery to many women. Some women even consider it abuse when a man finds a women visually sexy.

  4. In the article he writes

    his simple conversation awakened my friend to the reality of his marriage, and it transformed their relationship.

    Can you imagine? I cannot say my wife never gets emotionally confused, but I will say I am thankful that most of the time she either checks herself, or apologizes later. To ask her daily of she is happy, and then to make the answer an epiphany, would be the equivalent of emotional bumper cars.

    Nevertheless, the story is made up, simplified, embellished…..changed for us simpletons. There has to be an evangelical cliche derived or supported and there was. Happy wife happy life. These saws are as deep as most of his followers go anyway.

  5. To ask her daily of she is happy, and then to make the answer an epiphany, would be the equivalent of emotional bumper cars.

    I can attest to that, brother. I’m happy now (usually am on Mondays) but by tomorrow afternoon, who the heck knows? LOL.

  6. Evans writes: “During the time of Christ women were treated like cattle.”

    Not true. There was a huge disparity in the ratio of men to women in the 1st Century Roman Empire and the social value of women was probably higher than it is now.

    “In many parts of the world that is still true today. Disdain, condescension, ridicule; in far too many ways and for far too many years, this is what women have come to expect.”

    They’ve come to this expectation because our culture is inherently misandryic and women are taught to expect this kind of treatment from men. And women reinforce this by telling themselves that ‘all men are pigs’ ‘nice guys aren’t really nice’ and then jump into bed with dirtbags because those lowlifes are seen as the ‘real men’.

  7. It’s a useless yardstick to measure anything by. Feelings are valuable but they are not really indicators of anything really happening. All they tell us is how we feel about what’s happening. Furthermore, they can be a jumble, they can tell us several things at once that may be just habitual reactions, confusion, associative memories and so on. Without being guided by integrity, feelings are just a mess.

    The scenario started off not badly–but what in the world was the woman unhappy about? That her mother had just died? That she got fired? That he forgot her birthday? That she saw a sad picture of a cat online? Who the heck even knows? This is how it reads though: the guy is happy generally because life is going well. The woman is unhappy because….life isn’t going well? There’s no information in that blog entry, just a bunch of suppositions based on nothing.

    Are women less than children? With a child, you’d figure out what was going on and often you’d be correcting their impression of reality. Like a child wails over a broken toy, but you take that as an opportunity to teach them how things can be fixed. Your world doesn’t center around the unhappiness of a child. So of course how you treat them is important, but how they feel about it is only sometimes a yardstick of that. What this author is saying though strikes me as being that women are LESS responsible for how they feel than children are, since children are expected to grow up and learn responsibility.

  8. That she saw a sad picture of a cat online?

    I wish I would have written that in the post.

    And the comment is truth. Its fundamentally kind of stealth thing about letting children run around

  9. It’s a useless yardstick to measure anything by. Feelings are valuable but they are not really indicators of anything really happening. All they tell us is how we feel about what’s happening. Furthermore, they can be a jumble, they can tell us several things at once that may be just habitual reactions, confusion, associative memories and so on. Without being guided by integrity, feelings are just a mess.

    That’s very true, well said, and what I was alluding to, albeit poorly.

  10. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/10/09 | Free Northerner

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