In the comments after the past few posts, the recurring manosphere theme of happiness not being a marriage imperative has come up. Red pill men generally hasten to point to the suffering demonstrated in the bible, culminating even unto the cross. With Christ as THE example, the fact that this has to be spelled out is bad. Worse however is that no matter how much and how clear it is explained, it doesn’t take in today’s church. This is epecially true about marriage.
A recent article at Fox that was inspired by the young bride who pushed her husband off a cliff lays out some sound observations about marriage in general and speaks to the problem of happiness as the goal. It begins:
Marriage is so suffocating for so many people that it makes millions of people wish they could hit “rewind” on their lives and step away from the altar.
And some do.
It takes extreme examples sometimes to illustrate a basic point:
The reason Jordan Linn Graham is now internationally newsworthy is because she accused of doing is something millions of people have fantasized about doing (and, thankfully, do not).
Here you have it in all its pedestrian splendor. The things making people unhappy are things that are a basic part of marriage in the first place:
The more mundane reasons for marriage misgiving include fully realizing (only after vows are exchanged) that one’s freedom, socially and romantically, is now much more limited. They include intuiting that new responsibilities—perhaps for home ownership and for children—are now closer than ever.
The writer rightly observes that everyone that ever married has experienced these same issues to some degree. How acute they are can depend on the spouse, but these are by design the things about marriage that are materially different than being single. Yet lots of people still mark decades, even with some unhappiness scattered amidst the joy or the opposite.
Yet, they stayed. They stayed because, on balance, leaving their spouses seemed more painful than remaining with them.
He suggests that his thoughts on this go deeper, but the suggestion is vague and the scope of this article doesnt lend itself to exploring it further.
It may be that love in the context of marriage (an institution that is, in its current state, spiritually draining, psychologically suffocating and broken nearly beyond repair) amounts for a large percentage of people to this: I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her). (emphasis mine)
Instead of heading into commentary about what is really broken about marriage he awkwardly starts to flirt with ideas about alternative ways to arrange families. I’m not sure exactly what he means but I am sure he is on the wrong track.
I wish I had better news ,but I would venture that right now in America there are millions of people who would agree that they wish they had not gotten married or had married someone else, and that they have felt that way for the entirety of their marriages—from Day One.
Sadly very true, but not because we have organized marriage incorrectly or that it lacks flexibility. Marriage was orgabnized, ordained even, by God, not man. Man codified the arrangement into law and placed guardrails beside what God intended. Man (woman) didn’t like the guardrails so they worked to eliminate them. No fault divorce does just that. Now all those normal things that take adjustment for married people can be let lose to erode the commitment and convice some that there is a better mate than the one they have. More, that they deserve one. And God’s intent, well, that required only some fast rationalization to get around. No lobbying, no guilt.
Jordan Linn Graham’s husband could have used a guardrail. And Jordan Linn Graham could have used the knowledge that the very thing that is wrong with today’s marriage, a lack of permanence, was available to her as an alternative to murder.