“A bird cannot fly in your hand. You’ll never be free if you don’t understand, that a bird cannot fly in your hand”
Erasmo Switzer (Obscure musician I met in 1976 while hitch hiking near Chillicothe, Ohio)
Barbara Rainey writes about facing life once her last daughter flew the coup. Cane Caldo wrote, at Dalrock, about women needing children. I will not attempt a paraphrase, but I agreed with what he said.
Inadvertently Barbara illustrates this. What I am saying she illustrates is not what she is intending to illustrate, but rather I am suggesting her words are proof text for Cane’s point.
I felt as if I had been fired from my job. Downsized and shown the door! Who was I now? What was my purpose?
Even though we had talked a great deal about this transition in advance, I discovered I needed my husband to help me evaluate this new season of life. Even though the change was also drastic for him, for me it was much more.
So, simply put she says she needed kids around to ground her purpose in life. But that was not exactly what Cane was getting at in a complete sense. Canes point gets a little clearer once you read this:
When I was going through this process, I needed a lot of talk time with Dennis. One day I’d wake up feeling excited about my new freedom; then I’d find myself sad all over again at the loss. It was unpredictable. Few of our discussions ended with clear direction.
She needed a lot of talk time. But none of it yielded anything. Nothing. No thing.
After all that talk therapy though she celebrates,
But there’s no other way that God’s purposes for you and God’s purposes for your spouse can become God’s purposes for us unless you’re walking through this together. God has more planned for your lives beyond the years of raising children. And that can be exciting!
What is it?….., The plan? The outcome? But she said there was no outcome. I’m confused.
As a man reading this, I am not sure what she said, but whatever it was she ended up excited about it. Excited is good right?
The insidious part is very subtle. She has just offered fodder for those who would say “a woman is far more than just a mother”. She has offered the “encouragement” that there is more to life than being a mother. Just hang in there gals, and then you get to talk talk talk about your purpose other than mothering and find that your new purpose and the path to and through it will be a new and untapped well spring of empathy. For there is no other reason under the sun for talk talk talking to no practical end besides experiencing empathy.
She did not stop being a mother when they left. Nothing supplanted that in Gods plan. There needn’t be big bold exciting things on the horizon, world changing things. Its just not necessary for God’s plans to be perceived that way.