The Romance Game….Giving her the leadership she craves

Not really. In fact, here I’m holding up something that proves the theory that we should not listen to what women say, rather we should watch what they do.

Daniel Akin, in an article at Family Life, explains how his wife told him to game your wife:

Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.

But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren’t fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

C. J. Mahaney, in another article there lays out a fool proof plan for leading wives:

As a romancer of my wife, I know that my essential role is that of a student and a planner. So I constantly keep my eyes and ears open for ideas to record. I’ve been known not to hear my name called in a doctor’s office because I am furiously scribbling information from a magazine article. I keep track of good getaway spots, ideas for dates, and many other bits of useful information.

(He read it in a magazine? Elton John fan?)

Every week, on Sunday evening or Monday morning, I get away to the local Starbucks. Armed with my PDA and a cup of steaming raspberry mocha, I review several things: my roles (husband, father, pastor, etc.), my to-do list, my schedule for the coming week, the book I’m reading, and a message I’ve heard recently.

The heart of this time is when I define, for each of my roles, what is most important for me to accomplish during the next seven days. I have learned that if I do not define the important, then during the week that which is merely urgent will rush in, disguised as the truly important, and will crowd out everything else.

For each of my roles I identify no more than three important goals I can accomplish that week, and I insert them into my schedule. I’m careful not to load myself down with more than is realistic. This is how the important is identified and protected. The process is absolutely crucial, but it often takes no more than 15 or 20 minutes. (Then, as the week progresses, I make sure my plans are still on track.)

This is obviously not a significant investment of time. But without it a great deal of what I heard and read and learned in the preceding week would be forgotten or left unapplied. Without it I would go through life governed by what seems to be the most urgent thing clamoring for my attention. The truly important things would often go unattended. But with it, as each week unfolds and I find myself engaged in activities that are truly intentional, purposeful, and central, I regularly realize that a particular interaction with my wife is benefiting directly from that time in the coffee shop.

If the PDA became a smart phone, porn would have been accessible. I’m just saying that after having to go choke down some Rasberry whatever and making lists and parsing magazines and making to do priorities, then heading home to play the game of “find the romance” he may choose Google to ogle.

Christian women who are not regular manosphere readers, if you stumble upon this and while reading those excerpts you sensed yourself getting any kind of tingle……

Get that checked. It’s a UTI or something has leavened.


15 thoughts on “The Romance Game….Giving her the leadership she craves

  1. What a queer.

    Why do I feel like he’s essentially gimp and she dominates him without even trying? It’s like he gave her the paddle and he’s now presenting his hindquarters for a good disciplining?

  2. Christian women who are not regular manosphere readers, if you stumble upon this and while reading those excerpts you sensed yourself getting any kind of tingle……

    Get that checked. It’s a UTI or something has leavened.

    ROFL. I just come here for the jokes.

  3. What’s a PDA? How lethal is it for that guy to be armed with it?

    What the…. is a raspberry whatever and just by the name how in the hell can I take a man with one seriously?

  4. The generation gap arrives

    What is a PDA?

    Personal Digital Assistant. That was the term 10 plus years ago, Palm Pilots (ironic name given the joke I made of it)

  5. I’d have to look for the link, but Hugo Schwyzer said something similar about hide-and-seek games with women recently. Maybe these guys were reading Schwyzer’s articles while at Starbucks.

    It never dawns on any of these characters that, the wife is truly submissive, her sexual pleasure comes from pleasing and satisfying the man—not the other way around. This might be an other example of the ‘generational gap’ it seems that more and more of this kind of sexual/relationship/marriage advice is simply going over what most of us knew before we hit puberty.

  6. What’s a palm pilot? A dude who jerks off?

    Im not sure if you are having me on or not Ton, but if you young, its possible it escaped you. They were the original hand held device , think Ipod size, but they held names and addresses, calendar, could plug into a phone line and get email from one source …AOL….and you could scribble notes on the screen that would be stored then as screen shots. Later Compaq released the IPaQ which was super cool at the time. HP had one. These things morphed into smart phones ultimately. Back then you had your phone and your PDA.

    You did get the joke though, because that product was unfortunately named Palm Pilot, what self respecting man wouldnt say PDA intead.

  7. I’m 42 but don’t remember such things. Course I make my living in the low tech world and don’t use much of it, until recently that is

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