How many hamsters

A quick post before vacation. For the coming week I will be in THE GREAT state of Texas attending a family reunion. Sometimes that gives me more chances to read and write, sometimes not. No matter.

The site Woman’s Divorce is written to help women manage their way through the decision to file, the process of, and the repercussions from divorce. I am not going to paste anything here except a couple of links because they are SERIOUS over there about their content. They have sufficient language to discourage my normal parsing. But I can link.

Two articles in particular got my attention:

1.Does God Forgive Divorce

and,

2.10 things I wish Christians knew about a divorced woman

Comments on these two specific articles:

  1. Is there any other action that a Christian can take that we consider its forgiveness in advance of taking it? Sure, sin in general can be made less intimidating through the rationalization process that employs God’s grace. But here, on this one, its not something quietly and quickly done as one gives over to temptation, rather it is taught as doctrine. Its a way paving done by the church and her members. Its a throw down phrase in polite conversation. It is sickening. Further, what other action do some people say, at once, that it is nebulous in scripture SO lets cozy up as close to the edge of the cliff as we possibly can? And finally, what other wrongdoing has discussion muted expressly to not offend those who have done it?
  2. If you read the site extensively you will see something interesting about the first thing on the list of 10. The claim that the wife has done everything in her power to save the marriage is not explained on the list. But elsewhere it is. When the subject is “Should you reconcile?” one of the key tests is asking the question (paraphrased), “is there anything more your husband could do that you would see yourself happy with the marriage?” Now we see how her doing everything in her power looks in action. She tried so so hard to change her husband but nothing was sufficient.                         She says she doesn’t need to hear another bible verse, she just needs acceptance. She needed to hear the scriptures before filing the divorce, but some other woman was there whining that she didn’t need another scripture, and so forth.  Therein is the churches failure over all. There IS acceptance, and no stigma. There are whole ministries designed to help women divorce their husbands but filed under “recovery”. DivorceCare is an enabling ministry, not a recovery ministry. I asked my pastor in Texas if he’d start a ministry that would help me have an affair, maybe offer rides to the hotel so my car wouldn’t be seen there. He knew I was being wry, but dutifully said of course not. Then why offer the same thing for divorce? Hair split.  She tells her friends to encourage her kids to honor her on Mothers Day and her birthday. Is there an epidemic of kids dissing their moms after divorce? Or is she basically saying, do not give me what I deserve for frivorcing a perfectly good daddy. Finally, she insists that her experience can bless others in the church because of what she has put herself been through.

I got nuthin’ else. For an infinite sized cage of rationalization hamsters, please follow the links.

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14 thoughts on “How many hamsters

  1. What doesn’t want to be dealt with is that divorce is up to the man. They hate it. HATE it. All these rationalizations and nail-biting go away when we realize that divorce is something a man commits, and adultery is something a woman commits, and only a man’s sin when he commits it with another man’s wife.

  2. I’ll have to ask you to he me understand this. Because superficially I disagree with part and cannot understand why the rest is mentioned at all. Help.

  3. Empath:
    I didn’t follow the links; I think your commentary on them said all there was to say about them. This is the same kind of enabling that’s rife throughout our society—not only in churches.

    I’m thinking that maybe you should ask the pastor in Texas exactly WHY he thinks that marriage is important. This might sound like a simple question, but there’s a deeper point to it; namely, how exactly does the church (or any other social institution) survive without a strong familial infrastructure?

  4. Cane Caldo:
    Now that I’ve finished laughing, on to your argument:

    ‘Divorce is something a man commits.’

    Umm, the statistics don’t seem to bear that out, by a wide margin. Actually, this doesn’t sound much different that what Thomas Fleming or Mark Driscoll say when they assert that ‘bad men make bad women.’ More often, bad men are the products of bad women.

    ‘Adultery is something a woman commits.’

    True, it seems to be a national past-time for married women, but really it’s just an extension of their pre-martial Slut Culture that they grew up in.

    ‘Only a man’s sin when he commits it with another man’s wife.’

    I have no idea what this even means. This sounds like another of Fleming’s or Driscoll’s nutty theories about how men are slaves to their sex drives and can’t keep away from other men’s wives.

    Besides that, if a married man is having sex outside of marriage, there’s no reason for him to go after other men’s wives anyway. It would seem that such a man would prefer to go after younger and unattached women for such a purpose.

  5. That was an awkwardly worded comment. That’s actually the second version. The first used some different words, and then I edited it when I should have just started over. I was still working out where I wanted to go when I posted that. Constipation of the brain leading to diarrhea of the fingers, you see. Just…forget I wrote it.

    The rationalizations for “divorce care” and the question of “should we forgive divorce when divorce is a state of perpetual sin” only exist because women are allowed to divorce their husbands. These questions do not arise from men divorcing their wives; whatever the reasons for divorce are. The solution is not just to forbid women from divorce.

    Nevertheless, it is more unseemly for a woman to pursue divorce than for a man; just as it is more unseemly for a man to commit adultery with another man’s wife.

  6. Here is a venomous little gem from their “marriage-vs-wedding” article:

    “””We might be called to love a person, faults and all, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with them. Animal lovers don’t take rattle snakes to bed with them at night.”””

  7. Cane perhaps another stirring of the force as I connected through a nearby airport yesterday. It happens a lot . Sometimes power even goes out.

  8. I do not ask, though, should we forgive divorce. I am only mentioning that forgiveness is taken in advance and that it is unique that way, the way it’s preached is nearly offering indulgences to women
    It is more unseemly, many reasons, one of which is that if men held the level and complexity of expectation from wives as wives do men….in general…..men would divorce in droves.
    Divorce care is surrounded with complicated rationale about suffering. Oddly the husbands of the women filing are suffering horribly, even to suicide, while they meet and discuss how strong that are for moving on

  9. @Empath

    I do not ask, though, should we forgive divorce. I am only mentioning that forgiveness is taken in advance and that it is unique that way, the way it’s preached is nearly offering indulgences to women

    I was referring to the article “Does God Forgive Divorce”. I’m also making an assumption about what is not said, yet is always there in my experience. If divorce is a sin, and we’re to repent of sin, then what are we observers of a divorce to assume about the spiritual state of a divorcee who has not repented? “I wish I had not needed to divorce”, is not repentance, of course. That’s the perpetual sin to which I was preferring. Men, in my experience, are much less likely to continue on saying such things for their whole lives. In part because other men won’t let them get away with it. We do let women.

  10. Good catch on the “Pre-Forgiveness” aspect of Divorce Ministries.

    As for Cane’s argument, I could be wrong, but I think he was arguing that scripture doesn’t permit women to divorce at all, so when divorce is a sin, it can only be committed by a man. Under that line of reasoning, a woman can only ever commit adultery. Please correct me if I’m wrong Cane.

  11. I also thought of that donel, wasnt sure. The pre-foregiveness is paramount to sustaining the present situation regarding divorce. Not to suggest that they intend to sustain it, they don’t, but I commented re this as SSM where she was talking about feminism suffering the Concorde fallacy. I disagree, and believe that rather than saying sunk cost justify a failure, they see progress and think they just have not gotten it just right, that the boogymen of anti-feminism in the church are gaining and causing these problems. Its similar to how our President can preside over a growing mess and still have high approval.

  12. Divorce without Biblical cause is pretty much the only sin where pre-forgiveness is an issue. Switch groundless divorce for stealing or adultery or porn use and no one would ever say “go ahead because God will forgive you.” But then again the real problem goes deeper in that divorce without Biblical cause isn’t even seen as a sin anymore.

  13. @Donal

    As for Cane’s argument, I could be wrong, but I think he was arguing that scripture doesn’t permit women to divorce at all, so when divorce is a sin, it can only be committed by a man. Under that line of reasoning, a woman can only ever commit adultery. Please correct me if I’m wrong Cane.

    Yes, that’s what I started to say.

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