Starting the end at the beginning is no accident

I attended a wedding Saturday. In addition to watching a huge accident on the I-30 bridge across Lake Ray Hubbard, one that was so amazing it could have been in The Avengers movie (no one hurt), I was over-exposed to churchianity and I ran afoul of a random lunatic.

This segue is epic….

Did you know that 95% of lesbian women are lesbian because they have been abused by a man? And did you know, similarly, that the majority of gay men are gay because their father mistreated them? Do these things stand out as not being about a wedding? Yes, they do, but those two claims signaled the opening salvo from the nuclear powered Ship of Churchianity.

At the rehearsal dinner a man approached the table where my wife and I were seated with family members and friends of the young bride, including her parents. The man began with a predictable and inoffensive political narrative about Obama and liberals. He knew everyone there but my wife and I, and he quickly offered, “I hope I’ve not offended you all”.

“No, of course not”, I responded.

Then he started talking about same sex marriage. Not a problem topic or view from my side…until he began to describe the ministry he is affiliated with for healing homosexuality (which in and of itself is also not problematic for me). He rattled off that first statistic from above, about lesbians. My wife’s knee connected solidly with my thigh, imploring me….”no, please not here, not now”. When he followed up with the charge that fathers were producing homosexuality in males my wife would have had to put her knee inside my mouth to quiet me.

“So”, I asked, “females are gay because of men, and males are gay because of men?” Mistaking it as a query he nodded and said yes. I told him,  “You are wrong about all of that”. I have the ability to control my words and inflection, but trouble with my facial expression. So the reaction on the faces of the others at the table, coupled with a follow up knee from my wife, sent me to tuck back into my meal. And that was that, except a woman seated next to me, later, began to ask lots of questions. I made my case. My WHOLE case and gave her some blog addresses for further study. She was recently divorced.

To the wedding. The young preacher spoke to the couple and the crowd saying words we have heard before. But this was, I realized, the first wedding I’d attended since I threw out the rest of my blue pills.

He went through the feminized Genesis account where the man’s rib is neither from the head nor the feet, but from “under his arm to protect her, and closest to her heart where she can own his love” and be his equal. I note that the bride at once is equal, and needing protection. I’m a nit picker.

He then read Ephesians from The Message:

22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing

Here we have the manifestation of paranoia seen in conventional wisdom. The divorced woman I had been seated beside at the rehearsal had stated something about this. The concern is that there is a swelling movement of teaching men, in traditional churches to be over-bearing and it leads to abuse. The other concern that follows is that the church is so tough on divorce that that women feel trapped in those abusive marriages. So, this version of the Bible, and this preacher’s use of it in this wedding is designed to correct that (purely fictitious) problem. If I asked the people, carefully, at that wedding how many times they have heard essentially the same stuff the preacher said, if they were honest they would say they hear it at every wedding and routinely at church. Yet they can, what?, take it on faith?, that the target for the message-the over bearing abusive male and the wife trapped in the marriage- is a real and present danger in most churches as a result of wrong teaching? How can they reconcile all that?

Beginning a marriage with admonition for the man and encouragement for the woman, starts the man on the path he is will likely walk with with his church. It also sets the dynamic of the marriage that will result in divorce, a traumatic re-ordering, or a man who is a happy supplicant. One of these ends begins that day. All this the day before Fathers Day. If they were in attendance somewhere the morning after the wedding they got reinforcement of the same message. Man, you got potential. Sweety, stick with it (until you can’t) because he CAN step up, with our help….with your help.

In addition to that huge accident we saw, later, I saw a lunatic who was pissed off about wedding reception parking along the road near his home. He nearly struck my car, other people’s cars, and finally my wife and daughter. So I responded by turning the other cheek. I stood in the roadway and forced him to stop. He rolled his truck right up to my chest. When I approached his window, the man driving cracked it a little and said “these damn cars better be moved from here”. Then he drove away. I got some adrenaline, some testosterone, and my wife was appalled….not really but she had to behave as if she was. Because, well, me being hard on the young man driving that truck may have sent him skidding off into homosexuality.

(No names or places have been changed because I didn’t use any)

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9 thoughts on “Starting the end at the beginning is no accident

  1. The use of the phrase “The Red Pill” to describe your change in perspective and understanding after finding the truth is spot on. You simply cannot look at the world the same way ever gain. Everything changes, everything. I can understand why so many choke on it; living the truth makes for a difficult life.

  2. Here is how Jimmy Evans “helps” marrieds. It fits with this post:

    When Karen and I first married, we learned quickly that money was going to be our greatest source of tension. We fought and fought about finances because we both view money differently.

    To me, money is a source of fun and enjoyment. I love spending money and using it to bless other people. A paycheck meant having a good time.
    You often hear people tell each other they’ll have to “agree to disagree.” That sounds like a good solution, but it doesn’t work in marriage.

    But for Karen, money meant security. While very generous, she is also sensible and pragmatic. Saving for a rainy day is critical to her sense of safety.

    Our completely different approaches to money caused tremendous friction between us. Every couple has subjects like these that always cause conflict, from money to parenting styles to in-laws or career decisions.

    Every relationship will have these kinds of disagreements, and sometimes— with certain subjects—they become toxic. That’s why teamwork in a relationship is so important. When an issue arises that causes conflict, a husband and wife must find a way to resolve it.

    You often hear people tell each other they’ll have to “agree to disagree.” That sounds like a good solution, but it doesn’t work in marriage. Because what it’s really saying is “Let’s just ignore this problem.” Overlooking areas of conflict is like ignoring a serious wound. It can fester, get worse, and possibly prove fatal.

    A better approach is to find a workable solution. Sometimes this involves compromise. At other times, it means one party deferring their will to the other.

    For our money issue, this meant hashing out a budget we both could live with —one that allowed me freedom to have fun while putting away enough each month to make Karen feel secure. This win-win solution became a nonnegotiable part of our marriage. It put an end to our conflict.

    Another source of tension in the early days of our marriage involved my driving habits. I drove fast and aggressively. This caused Karen terrible anxiety— she was pretty sure my driving would kill us both—and every time I got behind the wheel we’d start to argue.

    In this example, there was no compromise to be found. I simply had to defer my will to hers. I had to slow down and curb my adrenaline and testosterone. It was the only workable solution, so I made the necessary sacrifice.

    On several occasions, I’ve heard Dr. Phil say, “You can either be right or you can be happy.” In this case, I decided I’d rather be happy.

    Karen and I are a team, and sometimes one player has to “take one for the team” in order to win. Some issues in a marriage just can’t be solved with compromise. When a husband wants to live in Seattle and the wife wants to live in Dallas, you can’t do both. One spouse must yield to the other.

    In those cases, once the decision has been made, the matter needs to be dropped for good. Otherwise it can grow into a constant source of unresolved conflict.

    Are you and your spouse working as a team? A team spirit is crucial to success in marriage, and it takes healthy communication for a team to work effectively.

    Note, Jimmy was wrong on spending, and he was wrong on driving. Man, that guy has some kinda guts to self efface that way doesn’t he? Of course I have no idea what issues would put them on the opposite sides of reasonable, but lets say she was a once every two week sex wife and he was a three times a week man. Bet you he’d not dare phrase it that her desire was too low. Rather, he’d say she simply had a lower drive, never framing it that her position was unreasonable. It would take REAL courage for these false marriage teachers to offer admonishment to their wives. And it is fear of their wives that keeps them from admonishing women ever, at all.

  3. And here is how Dennis Rainy frames the divorce statistics, another man of courage:

    To me, “blow-up” is an appropriate description of what’s happened during the last decade at the heart of American society. A searing fireball of destruction has engulfed a priceless part of our culture–the family.

    I remember speaking to 700 college students at a Campus Crusade for Christ conference in Dallas. When I asked those who had been affected by divorce (through their immediate or extended family) to stand, 80 percent of the audience responded.

    Afterward, a young man came forward to talk to me about his parents’ divorce. His father had been a leading evangelical pastor. “My dad was my hero,” he said. “He taught me everything I know. And now he’s gone. I’m the only one left in my family that is still walking with God.”

    Far too many Christians today feel this same type of impotence. They are filled with fear–and burned by the heat of our cultural blow-up.

    If you are tempted to lose hope and courage, take heart: You can make a difference! As today’s verse tells us, God can give you the strength and power to withstand the heat.

    His Dad was a pastor, and now he is gone. Suppose that man cheated or something, do you think Rainy would have omitted that? Or can we assume the mother filed this and therefore it left Dennis sputtering without the ability to directly lash out at men. He had to keep it generic, the new keepin’ it real.

  4. That “Message” passage is sickening in its distortion of the bible.
    Here is the literal translation in comparison:
    Eph 5:22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord,
    Eph 5:23 because a husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is Head of the assembly, and He is the Savior of the body.
    And here is Adam Clarke’s commentary on Eph. 5:22:
    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands – As the Lord, viz. Christ, is the head or governor of the Church, and the head of the man, so is the man the head or governor of the woman. This is God’s ordinance, and should not be transgressed. The husband should not be a tyrant, and the wife should not be the governor. Old Francis Quarles, in his homely rhymes, alluding to the superstitious notion, that the crowing of a hen bodes ill luck to the family, has said: –
    “Ill thrives the hapless family that shows
    A cock that’s silent, and a hen that crows:
    I know not which live most unnatural lives,
    Obeying husbands or commanding wives.”
    As unto the Lord – The word Church seems to be necessarily understood here; that is: Act under the authority of your husbands, as the Church acts under the authority of Christ. As the Church submits to the Lord, so let wives submit to their husbands.

    [Thank you for this, and for commenting. Welcome]

  5. Empath:
    About 2 years ago, British comedian and open homosexual Stephen Fry set off a huge controversy with these remarks:

    “I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason women will have sex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man, which is what they want. Of course a lot of women will deny this and say ‘Oh no, but I love sex! I love it.’ But do they go around having sex the same way that gay men do?”

    Fry also mentioned that most ‘straight men fear that they disgust women and find it difficult to believe that women are as interested in sex as they are.”

    Gee, I wonder why men would feel that way, LOL But to go to Fry’s point in context of the article above: how many women are going to deny that Fry’s observations happen to be accurate? The fact is most homosexual men get that way out of sheer revulsion for the modern female.

    If someone like Fry were to ask here: why shouldn’t I be gay? How would I benefit from a relationship with a female? Good questions. Let’s see if the NAWALTers out there care to answer them.

  6. As to Jimmy Evans’ words of wisdom: ‘A team spirit is crucial to success in marriage’ there was a news story this weekend about how it works in reality:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/17/catholic-mass-shooting-utah_n_3452993.html

    Wherein a known violent drug addict and career criminal celebrated Father’s Day by gunning down his father-in-law during a church service. There’s even a picture of Prince Charming along with the article—exactly the type of guy any father would want his daughter to marry.

    What Evans and others like him fail to realize is that THIS is what females will choose for marriage if their misandry isn’t controlled somehow by cultural norms. And when it is controlled, the man in a normal relationship rarely has to ‘give in’ at all.

  7. And for Dennis Rainey: “God can give the strength and power to withstand the heat.” I think that wise old Benjamin Franklin said it better: “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen.” To which should be added, especially get out of the kitchen if it is a blazing inferno.

    [Actually it should read, “MEN, God can give YOU the strength to withstand the heat, to women He will give exceptions and an out”….Rainy would not deign tell women they should stick to it because then he’d be guilty of forcing women to stay under abuse]

  8. NJArtist

    True, it is a distortion. What is interesting is that the most distortion to be found in The Message is in matters of gender, and matters that would be considered relational in general or that speak to the relationship not religion stance. Finally it distorts sin issues that are frequently called legalistic.

    But…..other than that its pretty good.

  9. Pingback: Father Knows Best: Father’s Day & First Day of Summer Week Mini-Linkfest | Patriactionary

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