Many men have said what Porsha Steward said (Who but for Yahoo home page enroute to “mail” I would never have heard of), if awkwardly,

 I was standing strong representing for [sic] my family

The upshot is there are going to be a lot of men who can feel her pain.

“Long story short, I just felt very disappointed and let down. When I got married, I meant it for life. I always said I would never get a divorce unless he cheated on me or something like that . . . I was heartbroken, like I am still right now.”

All people living as one, cats and dogs laying together, HIM frivorcing HER. Imagine. One of these things doesn’t belong here.

I’ve gone to pop culture news consolidation mode. Help.




12 thoughts on “Imagine

  1. I saw a spot on a news show about this earlier today. First, I am not excusing his behavior if he is divorcing when she wants to save the marriage. BUT…

    1) Apparently he wanted a baby, and she wasn’t ready, and
    2) Her “friends” on the show seemed to be telling her that he is not the king and she did not have to obey him.

    That’s just from the two snippets I saw on GMA this morning. I don’t have cable TV and do not watch the show.

    There is a saying in the ‘hood where I grew up: “Black men vote with their feet.”

    It’s terrible what this has wrought, and it certainly isn’t godly, but it is true.

  2. Her “friends” on the show seemed to be telling her that he is not the king and she did not have to obey him.

    Ive honestly never heard of this woman, but I had visions of her with youthful, um, exuberance, trying to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage if you know what I mean, like Jesse Lee Peterson describes in one of his best articles:

  3. Thanks for the article. I’ll read it as I like Jesse Lee Peterson. I’d never heard of this woman before today either. However, as a football fan, I was familiar with Kordell Stewart.

    Have a good afternoon, Empath.

  4. I read his book years ago, like 2000, I forget the name. I then started following and even donated some money to BOND in the early 2000’s, he is seemingly a humble smart Christian guy trying to do good works in difficult circumstances. I like him a lot.

    I too knew who the husband was, just not a follower of reality TV or whatever her source of fame was.

  5. The WND article is interesting, in that not once in the entire piece is divorce mentioned. Seems like quite an oversight for an article exploring why so many families are fatherless. Or how about mentioning out-of-wedlock pregnancies? Nope. That’s not a factor worth mentioning, either.

    Instead, it seems the primary reason that men aren’t involved with their kids is that they just don’t know how to deal with strongandindependent women. Yup. That’s gotta be it.

  6. Instead, it seems the primary reason that men aren’t involved with their kids is that they just don’t know how to deal with strongandindependent women. Yup. That’s gotta be it.

    Actually the article was not about why fathers are not involved with their kids….per se….Nor was it about why so many families are fatherless, though those are obviously very much correlated. it was about what the title suggests, why men leave. If you look a bit into the frame from which Peterson comes, and the work he does, where and with what demographic, maybe it will become more clear. Divorce may or may not even be in play because marriage may or may not have even happened. I realize he mentions counseling couples and it suggests married couples, and likely did include married couples,if you read it from the perspective of it being in the community where he does his work the article makes more sense. That’s very evident even with a moments thought because men are not the ones filing divorces in numbers anyway.

    He is addressing what, though maybe not excuses, are reasons (note the difference) why men leave the mothers and kids they should stay and be responsible for. It is clear he is not assigning this as broadly applicable even in the demographic he writes about predominantly. he is suggesting, fairly and as should be done generally more in all relational matters, ladies, have a look at yourselves and see to it that a man would want to stay with you. The strong independent thing is a straw man.

  7. If by demographic, you mean the black community, he does not say this is the demographic he writes for (at least, not in this article). In fact, the only demographic he specifically mentions is the American demographic (American children, and American men). You could also make the case he’s writing for the Christian demographic, given he writes as a minister and assumes Christian beliefs will be relevant to the reader. The audience he does NOT call out, either implicitly or explicitly, is the black community. For that matter, I’m only assuming this is the demographic you’re talking about, since you don’t make an explicit reference.

    And I would argue that the two primary reasons men leave their families, regardless of demographic, are divorce and out-of-wedlock pregnancy. The father was forced to leave (divorce), or never intended to stay (out-of-wedlock pregnancy). But rather than deal with either issue, he instead focuses on the problem of men choosing to abandon their families rather than deal with a contentious woman. If you wish to argue that these women are not just acting all strongandindependent, that’s fine. My point is that the percentage of men that decide to abandon their family with neither divorce nor out-of-wedlock pregnancy playing a role is extremely small, compared to men who are either forced out or never intended to stay.

    And please note I’m not saying his point is not a valid one. Only that the “real” reason men are leaving their families is not dealt with in this article.

  8. Couple of thoughts in response to Cautiously Pessimistic:

    The first is that I too noted the lack of emphasis on marriage, divorce, or illegitimacy in Jesse Lee Peterson’s article. However, I assumed that he was leaving the illegitimacy aside for the moment and referencing men who had every intention of staying- at first- rather than those who never had any intention of staying.

    I liked the article because it touches on something rarely discussed: what responsibility does a woman have to keep her man in addition to the expectations that he stay? It is roundly accepted that if a woman leaves, she had just cause but if a man leaves, he had none. This dynamic is exponentially magnified in the black community because the husband is as likely to bail on the marriage as the wife is (when there is a marriage).

    We attend a mostly black church. There are a few interracial couples, some Latinos, and even a few white singes, but it is at least 95% black. With 1500 or so members, it is easy for individual families to kind of shuffle in and shuffle out while no one really knows what’s going on with them.

    About a year ago, one of the pastors said: “I know this might make some of you uncomfortable but I need to ask since we so often hear about divorces after the fact. If you’re thinking about leaving your marriage, come up front so we can pray with you and set up some things to help you figure out how to honor God and your marriage vows by staying together.”

    It was mostly men who went up, some of whom we had assumed from our peripheral view were happily married. There were a couple of women of course, but the scene turned the meme of women being the drivers of divorce on its head. A year later, all of the couples represented there but one appears to be hanging in there.

    So yeah, I get what Jesse Lee Peterson was getting at. I don’t know any happily married female relatives or long term friends from childhood who don’t feel a sense of needing to do what is required to keep our men. When the husband is a devout believer, you feel secure and don’t worry about him leaving but there is a sense of a need for reciprocity.

    This isn’t universal of course, given the abysmal 70% black divorce rate.

  9. On the other hand I should add a thought…

    I thought about this some more and took inventory of all the marriages in our immediate and extended families, both sides of our families and three couples that are friends of either SAM or me since before he and I ever met. I limited it to those because most of our friends made over the past 2 decades are of various ethnicity, mostly white. Of the black couples I mentally cataloged is total of 14 couples.

    Of those, all of the husbands but 4 have a history of adultery, some of them gross and repeated adulterous liaisons. Thankfully mine is in that faithful number. Most of the men have repented and are good husbands now, but still. There is that to consider as well.

  10. Empath:
    There was an interesting article in the BBC yesterday reflecting on some of these issues.

    “Lawyers for Katherine Russell, the widow of Tamerlan Tsarnaev” (the deceased member of the duo who bombed the Boston Marathon) “said that she was doing everything she could to assist authorities.”

    Hmmm. So this thug had a ‘significant other’. Wouldn’t Mark Driscoll be proud? LOL Now, for the punch line:

    “The report of the involvement of her husband and brother-in-law came as a great shock.”

    Yeah. Where have we heard THAT one before?

    ‘Oh, gee…he seems like such a nice guy. Sure, he has a few issues, but don’t we all? I mean, at least, he’s not just another boring nice guy!’

    Yeah—aside from the fact that the dearly-departed Tamerlan was posting Islamic extremist messages all over the web; vacationing in Chechnyan terror-training camps; was on both Specnaz and FBI watch lists; and from all accounts never had any serious interests or held an actual job—I could see where women would be inclined to overlook a few ‘issues’ like that.

    And I’m equally certain that as I’m writing this, there is no shortage of females hoping to have a baby by his younger brother before he’s hanged.

    When I hear stories like these, I lose patience pretty quickly with these social pundits who tell us that we need to ‘man up’ and ‘step up to our responsibilities.’ When we have material like this to work with, you can’t expect much other than a lot of MGTOW and INCEL men.

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