Love and Alpha

So its closing in on a year since I started getting traces of “red pill” in my water. It’s been a lot to take in as I have tried to separate my “blue pill” concepts from my faith. I slowly started seeing how the lack of restraint on the part of Evangelical Feminists was rotting the bottom out of the “church” and undermining every relationship it came into contact with. For me, it was a stomach turning experience. Even though I had some distinct “red pill” tendencies I still equated those with selfishness and wanted to love my wife into happiness through supplication, the “blue pill” path just seemed Holy (self-sacrificial even). That was the internal narrative I was operating on.

The problem was, it didn’t work. So then what? That’s what I asked myself. As I started digging into what actually seemed to make women happy I started reading about the principals of “Game” and processing that mountain of selfishness, while facing the undeniable truth that supplication never seems to bring a woman contentment (even when they crave it). Taking that into consideration I began to try and wrap my head around what my real obligation was to my wife. The Bible tells me to love her as Christ loves the Church, even giving His life. Evangelical Feminism conveniently converts that language to male supplication, very simply, submission to the wife IS sacrifice. The man must love sacrificially no matter what, no matter how depraved and twisted the woman is or becomes. I agree. With a twist.

It is under no circumstance a loving act for a man to submit, obey or bow down to his wife. That is truly the most selfish act of all in my opinion. It is forcing her into the role of parent, the role of leader, the role of God and she will not and indeed cannot be happy with that mantel (God Himself won’t allow it). It will lead to her misery. So, even when it hurts I must lead. Even when faced with impossible decisions I am the one who must humbly approach the Holy Spirit (and on every day decisions too) and seek guidance and be held to account. By shirking my leadership role (being lazy) I am forcing my wife into the role that God never intended for her.

It is the most loving thing for a man to do, to recognize the order of God’s creation, to express God’s authority into our families at the sacrifice of our own wants and desires. To set down our own will and take up God’s will. In our marriage that means being a strong leader that wins the obedience of his wife thereby establishing God’s order for her. Setting the world aright for her. Short of this, nothing else a man does is actually Godly love. Flowers, dinners, jewelry may be the frosting but Godly submission is the cake. In order to accomplish that a man must first submit to Godand then effect the submission of his wife, out of love and obedience to God.

Everything that I do now I try to filter through this new view. Am I establishing Godly order around me by his Holy Spirit or am I cruelly letting Satan and the world continue to promote chaos in my marriage? Am I winning my wife to the truth of God’s word or am I tampering with it in an attempt to satisfy her lack of contentment? Will I let the feminist sew seeds into my family or will I align myself with God and combat the pretty lies? Even at the expense of my reputation? Even when everyone is calling me cruel? Yes, that is sacrifice. I think that is the sacrifice that Jesus made. In that sense, Godly leadership IS love.

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15 thoughts on “Love and Alpha

  1. A a Christian, I can’t do the whole red pill, but I’ve swallowed pieces of it and have no regret because in some ways the outcome has been far beyond my expectation. There needs to be, and very likely will be, a Christian version of “Game” before it’ll be readily accepted by the Christian community.

  2. I think on the whole, the nebulous blob of ego stroking that is “Game” is nowhere for a follower of Christ to be. My questions revolve around why it works, what is the basic fallen nature of men AND women and how is it best combated by the word. How can we win our marriages and our churches back from the unrepentant and unregenerate demands of men and women who have swallowed the bait of feminism to the bobber.

  3. I’m faithfully and happily married, have been almost forever, and I don’t advocate any aspect of “Game” that is immoral or anti-Biblical. Within the “nebulous blob of ego stroking that is Game” is some awareness and understanding that most of us, whether Christian or not, don’t (or didn’t) have.

    For instance, the number one complaint among married men seems to be that their wives withold sex. “Game” knows that the reason for that is that those wives have lost respect and attraction for their husbands, and how to get it back. For those men that have thrown the Bible at their wives or jumped through hoops for years trying to please their “owed and entitled” wives to no avail, this can make the difference.

    Godliness trumps “Game”, but among these owed and entitled, rebellious wives, a lack of Godliness is the precise problem, at least as far as their so-called “wifely duty” is concerned. That’s why preaching certain scriptures at these wives hasn’t worked. If jumping through hoops hasn’t worked either, it’s because being a lap dog, supplication, hasn’t increased attraction or respect any more than self-serving preaching has.

    “Game”, which is derived from pick-up artist techniques, has a terrible connotation to Christians, I understand that, and why it would be rightfully so. But we can learn from it without becoming it, And it’s a shame that the secular world has something on the ball that the Christian world doesn’t. That’s why it would be helpful to have a Christian version. Some day there will be.

  4. Game as it is currently played is definitely not Christian. But there are aspects of if that could be. It seems as it the emphasis of game is somewhat manipulative and selfish but there’s another aspect of, below the surface, that certainly can fit within a Christian framework. That aspect is the sort of “this is who I am, what you see is what you get take it or leave it” mentality. That part, the refusing to give up the core of who you are in order to please another, definitely has a place in Christianity. Not taking it so far as “this is who I am and I’m not changing even a little for you or anyone” but there is definitely a place for those who, within the framework of a reasonable knowledge of Scripture and a reasonable attempt to follow it, say”this is who I am, I’m confident that I’m following God as well as can be reasonably expected and I’m not going to make radical changes just to please you. Maybe what I’m talking about is more MGTOW more than game though.

  5. I guess I’m talking about understanding the fallen nature of our wives and what they REALLY do admire in us. Scratching that itch while helping them to their higher calling in Christ. On one hand not bending and coddling that fallen nature, but still recognizing it, realizing its influence on her and helping her to truly overcome it. Game alone would be willing (in fact) happy to leave her in her fallen condition to better manipulate her to satisfy the needs of the husbands.

    I still would be ridiculed as arguing NAWALT…….since I believe that EVERYONE is a new creature in Christ, and that IN Him is NO sin (or male or female for that matter). Game seems to leave no room for the miracle of regeneration and the working of the Holy Spirit. (Nor does feminism).

  6. In terms of understanding the fallen nature of our wives, that becomes very difficult in a world that, thanks to feminism, believes that women are somehow signficantly less fallen than men are.

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  8. Alpha is strong, confident, in charge, proactive, more aggressive than passive, the persona “Stark” played by Robert Downey Jr. in the recent Iron Man movies, Clint Eastwood in Joe Kidd. Decisive, independent, self sufficient, dynamic, powerful, always in control, unshakable, formidable, the overcomer, the leader of the pack, the captain of the ship. “Alpha” is the hero in romance novels. In Christian terms, he rules his own house well.

    We’ve all heard the expression, um, er, pushy whipped. That’s beta, alphas wouldn’t stand for it. But Beta is what every woman says she wants, the boy scout. Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. The provider, the reliable one, at her beck and call, the one who will jump through hoops for her, hard worker, able to take disappointment, forgiving, patient, good father, high work ethic, a plodder, sacrificial, puts (putz) his jacket down in a mud puddle for her. But she’s attracted to the captain of the football team on prom night, waliking right past the “better in the long run” unpretentious wallflower beta boy—then Stark, Joe Kidd, and the hero of the romance novels type later on. A woman’s favorite mistakes or fantasies, were very likely made with alphas.

    On prom night, if the captain of the football team laid his jacket down in a mud puddle for her, it would probably thrill her soul, but if he started doing it every time he saw one, it would at some point be taken for granted. At the extreme end, she would feel owed and entitled to having his jacket to walk on just as often. Then watch out if he lowers the standard. That’s the problem with beta, too much is counter-productive.

    Christ washed the disciples feet and it made a huge impression, to the extent that the story of it is in the Bible. We don’t know for sure, but how often did He do this? If He became the default or designated “feet washer”, what would have happened to that huge impression? Christ at times served his disciples, but He didn’t coddle them either, far from it. I doubt Christ washed feet every time they got dirty.

    The belief of many Christian men is that there is no such thing as doing too much, and that often includes anything that goes against their wives’ wishes, especially her demands. After all, we’re supposed to be sacrificial as husbands, right?

    Men who have inadequate sex lives ask their wife whats wrong and she will ask (or demand) for more beta, more action on the honey-do list, more serving, more boy scout stuff, more consideration, she’ll raise the bar. “If you really loved me, you would…..(do something)” And it still doesn’t work, so they try even harder and she is often even less responsive. She got what she wanted, what she asked for, but not what attracts her or increases her respect. Too much beta, too little alpha. If a man is trying hard and not getting much of any signs of appreciation, just more discontent and/or nagging, it’s because she doesn’t appeciate those efforts. It’s a jacket-in-the-mud puddle-too-often type of problem. That would tell you that trying harder to please her isn’t going to be the solution.

    Arguing, debating, venting, whining, asking, showing insecurity and neediness, talking too much….over time, these things show weakness and contribute to diminishing her respect and attraction. The boy scout stuff is good beta, but only when in balance with alpha.

    Or, one can let go and let God, and meanwhile allow the status quo to continue, whatever one thinks is best.

  9. but how often did He do this? If He became the default or designated “feet washer”, what would have happened to that huge impression? Christ at times served his disciples, but He didn’t coddle them either, far from it. I doubt Christ washed feet every time they got dirty.
    ———————————————-
    Outstanding

    one can let go and let God, and meanwhile allow the status quo to continue, whatever one thinks is best.
    ————————————————-
    also outstanding

  10. This part:
    “It is under no circumstance a loving act for a man to submit, obey or bow down to his wife. That is truly the most selfish act of all in my opinion. It is forcing her into the role of parent, the role of leader, the role of God and she will not and indeed cannot be happy with that mantel (God Himself won’t allow it). It will lead to her misery. So, even when it hurts I must lead. Even when faced with impossible decisions I am the one who must humbly approach the Holy Spirit (and on every day decisions too) and seek guidance and be held to account. By shirking my leadership role (being lazy) I am forcing my wife into the role that God never intended for her.”

    is a perfect description of the dysfunction of the first ten years of my marriage that almost led to there being no eleventh year. In my case my “submission” had nothing to do with the teaching of the church as I was not a believer at the time. It was a case of her naturally “take charge” personality and my rather passive personality interacting in a way that magnified the whole unhealthy dynamic. But what really rang true to me in the part I quote is the idea that submitting to one’s wife is selfish. That was absolutely the issue in my case . “Whatever you say dear” was my default answer because it was easier and more comfortable for me. The problem is that it had the effect of putting everything on her, including an immense amount of pressure.

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  13. I really like the article. It’s something I’ve been thinking about recently in my own marriage. There are some aspects of ‘game’ that are not compatible with Christianity.

    I heard a preacher say not too long ago that a husband could know if he loved his wife by asking his wife if she felt loved. I thought was rather poor advice. Maybe it’s okay for a rule of thumb depending on your wife’s mood. If she’s in a normal mood, it’s probably okay to ask as ONE measure, that you take with a grain of salt. I’ve noticed if my wife has whopper PMS, she doesn’t think I love her, and she may think I’m a pretty bad guy. After all, I am supposedly the one making her feel so bad– even though she knows she’s having PMS. Ask her the day after her PMS clears up, and I’m a great husband, and she really feels loves.

    We can’t measure how good of husbands we are by what our wives think and feel. Sure, we should consider it, but your measure is only as stable as your wife’s emotions– which is not very.

    Jesus washed His disciples feet. But did He do it because Peter snapped his fingers and ordered Jesus to wash his feet? No. Jesus was the Master, and Peter felt uncomfortable with the situation. Jesus gave the orders. He sent the apostles out to get the donkey and prepare the Passover. He gave commandments. When He wanted to wash feet, it was His idea. He was in charge, and He persuaded Peter who did not want to submit to it.

    Sure, we love our wives. That might mean doing something they want us to do. But it might mean NOT doing something our wives want, too. It might even mean doing something the wife doesn’t want.

    My wife used to not be all that submissive to me. It dawned on me that I was responsible for how I led her, and by making it easy for her to be unsubmissive and even disrespectful, I was hindering her relationship with the Lord. Children are supposed to obey their parents. So what does a good parent do? Does he let the child run wild and say obedience is the child’s responsibility? No, he creates a situation where it is unpleasant if the child is not obedient. He encourages and teaches the child to be obedient. He gets on the kids case when the kid does something wrong, and knows when to back off and let the child process. We could use some of the same skills with our wives. Wives aren’t our children, but they are our wives. And some of our skills at being fathers aren’t just father skills, they are husband and father skills, and we need to use them with our wives to. We need to create situations in the household where our wives submit and get on their case sometimes (reprove, exhort in Biblical terms) when they don’t submit or when they try to treat us with disrespect.

  14. Food for thought:

    After providing specific instructions to husbands and wives regarding marriage in Ephesians 5, I believe that in Ephesians 5:32: “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church”, he is declaring that the relationship between Christ and the Church is to be the model for marriages. It makes a proper understanding of marriage roles very accessible and fills in all of the blanks. After all, not only do we have our own personal experience of the Christ/Church relationship, it is exhaustively described and clarified in the New Testament. So then, in regard to the relationship between Christ and the Church:

    Is there some hierarchy here? Who is the leader? Who is the boss? Whose standards count? Is ultimate control shared? Is this relationship egalitarian? Is there mutual submission? Does Christ cater sacrificially to all of the self-centered wants of the Church or does He do what’s best for her, even saying “No”? Does he follow the Church or does the Church follow Him? How many times did Christ give His life for the Church?

    A list of rhetorical questions could go on and on, and from all angles. If I am correct in my interpretation and application of this verse, the answers to all of the important questions about marriage are answered by this model very clearly.

  15. You rightly ask

    Is there some hierarchy here? Who is the leader? Who is the boss? Whose standards count? Is ultimate control shared? Is this relationship egalitarian? Is there mutual submission? Does Christ cater sacrificially to all of the self-centered wants of the Church or does He do what’s best for her, even saying “No”? Does he follow the Church or does the Church follow Him? How many times did Christ give His life for the Church?

    A list of rhetorical questions could go on and on, and from all angles.

    While others will do truly anything to to get past those rhetorical questions. Here is how one woman describes her conversion into the modern evangelical feminist view, she says she:

    With terrible cramps from this poison, I went to God and asked Him to show me the truth. . He led me to study the Word, to look up the context and even some New Testament Greek. What I found caused me to vomit out all the poison I swallowed there. But it wasn’t just the poison inside the cups that hurt. It was the cups themselves that had very sharp edges, the people claiming to be “Biblical.”

    Yessir, a couple of greek words, and some breathlessly uttered contradictions seem to be constructed, and off to the church armed with her new proof text she goes. She feels very smart because they did all use other languages and stuff, and a good number of the ladies that write about this (there are a handful and they parrot each other. The differences between their articles are mainly the anecdotes they share and the depth they will take disparaging men and scaring women to back theor points.

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