How to keep a man happy

Barbara Rainey shows how delusional Christian women are when pondering the wants and needs of their husbands. She gets it honest. Awhile back Dennis Rainey listed what he alleged was a man’s list of things he wanted to fix about his wife. I blogged on it here. Dennis took a wife’s complaints about a husband and listed them as if a man made it. Now, Barbara writes what amounts to Christian women’s porn in cliff note brevity, and calls it a list of things that a woman can do FOR her husband.

She says:

how can you edify (build or improve) your husband and thereby enhance his self-worth, the way the verse above instructs? By discovering–and doing–what pleases him. Here are a few ideas:


  • Write him a letter and send it to his office, or put a love note in his lunch box or his briefcase.
  • Prepare his favorite meal.
  • Arrange an evening out for just the two of you.
  • Wear his favorite dress with your hair done the way he likes it.
  • Purchase something small and frivolous for him that he won’t buy himself.
  • Give him a nicely framed picture of yourself, or of you and the children, for his office.
  • Surprise him with a trip to do something he likes.
  • Put the children to bed early and prepare a candlelight dinner.
  • Do something that especially pleased him back when you were dating.
  • Pray and read the Scriptures with him daily.
  • Take walks together.
  • Keep your junk out of the garage.
  • Greet your husband warmly after work.
  • Wear his favorite negligee, or buy a new nightgown to add sizzle to your evening attire.

Sometimes the smallest gesture can make the biggest difference. Pick out something you haven’t tried before. Don’t give complacency a foothold in your marriage relationship.

So, just yesterday I read a testimony of sorts where a Family Life reader had written in telling a story about averting an argument that may have ensued over forgoing an expensive meal. The women said she decided to let it go, to not allow her desire to eat steak, and her husbands budget based temperance, ruin their evening. She went on to pound her chest saying she was SOOOOOO able to forgive her husband that she “blessed him with her love later that night”

Its simple. I’m sick and tired of sex denying Christian women running around decrying the sexual proclivities of Christian men, then, when challenged, accusing the challenger of things like advocating for porn use.

The women saying that she is doing all these things on Barbara’s list is made to feel like she is super wife. Never mind that her husband simply wants some sex, and yes on occasion he’d like some hot sex. She is now set up with a “Christian” backdrop, from a big family ministry even,  that allows her to pick and choose from these items on the list and ignore the sex/elephant in the room. Then, after a couple years he gets busted with porn and she gets AAAALLLLLL the empathy. Try and raise the sexual denial and you are a porn advocate.

And the circle

is unbroken

by and by, by and by.

These are the basics folks and the soul patch still pisses me off.



13 thoughts on “How to keep a man happy

  1. Christian men are pre-programmed to stay in the marriage, and will put up with an incredible amount of abuse that would have most men running for the hills. You are dead on, that some regular sex keeps him coming back for more abuse. Take the sex away, or make regular mundane sex a reward, and now you have a man torn between wanting to leave or cheat. He chooses a little porn now and again to avoid either fate. Figuring he has found the lesser of three evils. Little does he know, he will be condemned like a man who went out screwed a bunch of whores in Vegas and came back and gave his wife AIDS or herpes for taking a peak at a some porn.

    I am done with the standard Christian woman. She is just like the rest of the women, except she has a longer list of qualifiers, and can spiritualize anything with the full support of the people in the church.

  2. I watched a good porn scene with my wife last night. Since when is porn a bad thing in a marriage? We find it heightens the mood between us, as an accessory to the sex. We have been married 22 years. We have six kids (one in Heaven). What the hell is bad about porn in a sexy marriage?

  3. The church is a shopping bazaar where hawkers show various wares, each its own new mode of controlling a man. Here a ball and chain made of sexual mores, there a rule list comprised of religious habits, over here a recipe book of things the good Christian husband does to “lead the family”….and all are written by women (or their useful idiots) FOR women. The useful idiots are those men happy to get mediocre infrequent sex and willing to sell their male soul to keep getting that “gift”.
    Feminized (read-MOST) Christianity is another layer of conditions for men, and hoops for him to jump through and looks nothing like anything that says follow Christ, sacrifice and even experience pain for doing so, suffering long….now its fine to use the term servant leader to describe the man willing to be a follower of his wife…..hey that guy is a servant leader, how cool, how……..masculine, yea masculine he is.
    That list she wrote is a good one for rewarding servant leaders if you think about it.

  4. The idea that sex is something that the wife gives to her husband is one of the most destructive pieces of nonsense to ever exist. It is the foundation upon which a lot of the problematic attitudes about gender in marriage is built upon. I risk being accused of hyperbole here but when you consider all of the ramifications of divorce and broken families, that idea has caused every bit as much death and destruction as the idea that Jews were to blame for Germany’s problems in the 30’s.

  5. They say that porn makes it more difficult to get sexually aroused by your wife alone. It focuses the sexual act on ultimate excitement instead of on loving your spouse. To decide if it right or wrong for you, you first have to answer the question “what is the purpose of sex?”

  6. I’m not a porn advocate….period. I think porn is immoral.
    Now you must keep that in mind the entire time you read my responses.

    What “they say” may or may not be true. In what first hand experience I had in life that was not even remotely the case….again I must repeat because for some reason when women enter this topic they presume much…I am against porn

    The sentence you use, “it focuses on the ultimate excitement instead of loving your spouse” is one of those things that Christian women like to say and think, and lots of Christian men like to use to pander to christian women….shamelessly.

    Sit porn aside, Im concerned about that statement. There is not one thing wrong with “the ultimate excitement”, and there is not some ultra spiritual virtue in using descriptors for sex that sound so much more spiritual than physical descriptors. I have read women write that unless sex is being pursued only for oneness, it is not sanctified sex. Your statement is the beginning of the slippery slope that makes sex out to be some spiritual apogee add on icing on cake thing to marriage…which it may well be…..but it mustn’t be limited to that. There is nothing wrong with married sex. Full stop sentence. This is part of the feminized churchian standard fare where this is shown to be the case.

    We need not answer the question “what is the purpose of sex?” (in marriage). Seriously, we need not ponder that to great length, because it starts to create all sorts of conditions and generate all kinds of feelings and requirements and it ultimately affords the modern Christian woman a long list of what she feels are valid excuses to say no….which she then proceeds to do with panache.

    This is what leads to the silliness of “if you want a hot oven at night tend the flame all day” nonsense…..then that same woman who needed that flame tended all day finds an alpha lover to cheat with and a secret phone call saying “hey, Ive got 15 minutes meet me at the mall” suffices for lathering her up for hot sex with the boyfriend she is cheating with…..he didnt have to tend ANYTHING….this truth applies to every women who has ever had a sexual affair, hence it applies to women in general…that this magic mojo is not needed… is WANTED….but more importantly its an excuse to not have sex with boring ole hubby.

    Sorry I went off, I have pent up commenting after a couple weeks of absence. I do not mean to be harsh with you sis, glad you are commenting here.

  7. My question was rhetorical. I was not clear about that. The answer is, there is nothing wrong about porn in a sexy marriage. Like toys, lotion, or a sexy conversation, it is merely an accessory, so your mileage may vary (as with the lotion and toys).

  8. Ladies, you want to please your man? Here’s how it is done:


    Wow! You don’t lust after the woman on the screen? My balls are way too big for that.

    Of course, your mileage may vary.

  9. At least no one can accuse you of being lukewarm! 🙂

    [Yea, folks who know me would say that’s an understatement]

  10. I’ll like to add that sex does relieve the stress of everyday life. I believe that a lot of women are so caught up in reading books and listening to everyone else they fail to ask their husbands about anything. They are more worried about their performance or what others see then what is done in the bed room.

  11. That seems to have resulted in the house being shelled.

    My main concern about the porn issue is how Christianity (particularly the women and the men making the women nod) reacts to it. Tends to miss the point. We could go into whether it is immoral or not, but at the moment that’s beside the point. It is what it is NOT that concerns me.

    For example:
    1. It is NOT adultery. That’s idiotic. It is no more adulterous than women reading romance novels. (those debates from CF make my teeth ache to think of.)

    2. It is not an automatic addiction. Just because a guy looks at porn and doesn’t care what his wife thinks about it, for example doesn’t mean he has an addiction. There’s a difference between looking occasionally and downloading when you’re at work.

    3. It doesn’t mean that the wife can’t trust her husband. A lot of women need to grow up. Men don’t share about porn use because it’s rarely a shared activity.

    Reading through the main complaints Christian women in particular have about pornography reveals that they couldn’t care less about the effect it has on their husbands or even those who are involved in the making of it. They are solely concerned with how it affects THEM. They worry about if they are attractive enough, if their husbands really care for them, and if they can control their husbands by expressing their complaints. If you strip off all the outer fat, that’s all it is. Is it any wonder that their nagging and fretting (which always works of course–men LOVE that) has little to no effect?

    Yet even if you point out “this is not an effective way to stop porn use in your house” they don’t want to hear it. What they want is for the man to feel bad because they felt bad and respond to their feeling bad by doing what they want.

    I think an important part of that too is that Christian women are weird about sex, period. But that’s another topic for another day.

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