Straining Credibility

These Family Life weekly moment emails are amazing. They never cease to push beyond where I expect the church to go in pandering to the women in the pews. And for the most part they know that BEHIND every great woman is a supplicant man, so the donations to FL ministries flourish and the men say bring it baby, bring it.

This week Dennis shares how a man was writing to explain what he was looking forward to accomplishing by attending the FL marriage conference with his wife. Allegedly the man wrote:

I need you to talk to my wife about:


  1. Getting her to stop watching bad TV shows
  2. Getting her to read the Bible
  3. Getting her to listen to Christian music
  4. Getting her to support the charity work I do
  5. Getting her to realize that she’s a sinner
  6. Getting her to stop drinking beer
  7. Getting her to stop wasting our family’s money
  8. Getting her to stop worrying about fixing up our home
  9. Getting her to realize she’s setting a bad example

Do you believe this is even real? I’m sorry, I have a huge problem accepting that he randomly found a man saying these things, rather I believe he flipped the genders and rationalized it that, well, it could easily go either way. But he choose poorly with this example. Drinking beer? Support HIS charity work? Incredible…Dennis also said:

I can’t squeeze all of them onto this page, but you’ll get the idea.

Really? A man sat down and made a list that the 10 points recounted are merely a representative portion, to give us an idea?

For every man who would even THINK these things, how many women are there out there who would?

Then, how many men who would think them would think them in a cogent list all at the same time?

Of those, how many would write them down and share them with Dennis Rainey?

Dennis then responded:

“Well, sir, I’ve got a better idea. What if instead of making this long list of things you’d like to see changed about your wife, you made a list of what you needed to change? What if you made a list of what you most appreciate about her? What if you made a list of her top-three needs from you, along with a deadline for you meet them?”

I can only make conjecture, but lets suppose the list was from a woman….I mean that’s a stretch but stay with me…would his response have been the same? Or would he have probed softly and then reinforced her desires for these good things but gently prodded her to go about getting them differently. Would he have turned it around on her asking her to question what she can do to meet the guys needs?

When faced with this list which likely came from a woman, not only did Dennis most likely not want to put something this common out with regard to what a woman would do, knowing it would resonate wildly with men, he most assuredly did not want to face the women of his ministry, especially his wife, as he took the woman’s concerns and flipped them into her needing to work on herself.

Of course I could be wrong. Do you think I am?


10 thoughts on “Straining Credibility

  1. Dear heavens! Somebody please lend Dennis (and his “reader”) a pair of balls! With a little testosterone flowing through his veins he might be able to stand up and say, “C’mom, Ladies! Open you husbands’ wallets and support my ‘ministry!’ Pleeeeeeeeez? Cuz I just Luuuurves you!”

    How much of a craven wimp do you have to be in order to lie about being a craven wimp?

    Emp, I don’t know you read this stuff; I sure hope your blood pressure is under control!

  2. You are correct. This man is twisting reality. i would go a step farther, and say he didn’t get the email at all. He just made it up. I used to listen to that guy when I was immersed in the Church and trying to make my marriage better. I would get so mad that nothing I tried from his show would have the desired effect. Literally nothing. When she asked for the divorce, I remember listening to one of his podcasts and screaming out loud, “This is all bullsh*t. She is going to do whatever she wants and all of you will justify it.” This was after watching Fireproof on a recommendation of a friend. I was somewhat immersed in its message, but after a couple months, I watched it again and just said to myself that woman is actually pursuing an outside relationship in the real world. How is that not worse than any of the wrongs that her husband has supposedly committed. When I confronted my friend a youth pastor on that issue, his answer was “She was pushed into the arms of the other man by her husband’s selfishness. Wasn’t that obvious in the movie.” Yep I stopped talking to that guy except in passing.

  3. I’d never buy a guy writing a list like this that had those points on it.

    A guys list in my experience is pretty short, more sex, less nagging.

    Although reading over the list, I dunno, if I was really reflective, I might come up with some of those when thinking about things i’d like to change in my currently separated wife.

    Although any list that lacks, “more sex” from an “unhappy husband” seems to be BS IMO.

    I mean the only two things I want my wife to change when she comes home in a few months (yay, I think, long story), is regular sex and regular church/bible study, attendance with me. I can put up with everything else given those too. Unfortunately these are the two she seems most stubborn on. Oh well.

  4. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You: Marriage Week | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

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