Short Entry on relational control issues

For the first time in weeks I popped in to CF to see whats happening. I found a thread about controlling behavior and the discussion that followed. Amazing, the point of reference is that a woman gives over all control to a man and that results in an unhealthy situation. Madness.

One of the often cited psychologists on relationships, Gottman, has some observations the women who cite him always fail to reveal. He found that when controlling behavior was an issue, it was overwhelmingly more frequent from the female side, and interestingly the female didn’t even realize it. It was as if her in control is the balance point, and any deviation from that is HIM being controlling.

My anecdotal experience supports his studied observations 100%. Regardless the age or demographic, even regardless the thickness of the veneer of traditional marital ordering with wife submitting, the wives are micromanaging the men, and the marriage both covertly and overtly, and only those who have managed to admit that and take it head on have succeeded in suppressing it. No…I’m not saying EVERY woman.

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10 thoughts on “Short Entry on relational control issues

  1. Let’s see… If you are a Christian you are to give over all control to God (Romans 12:1,2). If a woman gives over all control to God and then marries, she is to “submit to her husband, as unto the Lord”. No wonder today’s modern church of churchiness can’t find it in themselves to teach what the Bible says about submission and obedience.

  2. Yea I took a look at that thread and couldn’t believe what was being said. Love and Control but CF will not allow certain issues in the co ed part of the married couples forum. So there is really no point of saying anything. What I did notice is exactly what you are saying is that if the female is in control than it’s a balance. Everything the male does is unbalanced. I’ve just given up on CF, there really isn’t much to say there anymore especially with all the rules in place now.

  3. Say this at CF and you will be character as an abusive person. Some at CF fails to see anything that doesn’t fit a particular agenda which is control. If a woman is not in control then their is an unbalance in control.

  4. Pingback: Father Knows Best: Early August Edition « Patriactionary

  5. My long comment is a bit bristly, the one on your husbands site. I apologize for that tone, but the topic is kind of one of the core things I write about.
    I am guilty as everyone of not practicing what I preach, I need to be more clear on that, but I have always believed that a person can speak , even with authority, on something that even they are screwing up if they at least know whats right and wrong.

  6. Once upon a time on CF I attempted to begin a dialogue with the women on this very issue of control, naively thinking that my honesty would bring about genuine discussion. To the contrary, I was attacked, scorned, and belittled. I believe that wives having more of the control in marriage in our culture is an insidious, subtle thing, so subtle, in fact, yet so deeply ingrained, that it goes unrecognized by them.

    I agree with peaceful wife’s comments above that it is, or can be, very damaging to a Christian marriage.

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