Big Fat Liar

A man asks an open forum, how should he address his wifes burgeoning weight with her. He is honest, saying it has killed his desire for her.

How do the evangelical Christian women respond?

He is a cad!

He is shallow!

The problem is his, not hers!

(and the ubiquitous non sequitur) we will all age and deteriorate, focusing on looks will therefore be a losing proposition.

These notions are disturbing, and I wonder as we have grown into a fat lethargic country if these rationalizations have been made more sophisticated. Must we placate the ego of the fat women by failing to address the issue? All of the responses are avoidance. The man is not asking that his wife by an HB10, nor is he expressing any concern whatsoever that she will age and not look the same over the years. He is saying she is fat, and it is distasteful to him to see her nude form.

It seems any and every issue in Christian marriage has a pat set of cliche responses that alleviate women from any and all accountability.




10 thoughts on “Big Fat Liar

  1. OK, accepting that you can be fairly solid and fit, has he not got a duty to remain fit himself? To encourage her to remain fit? The body does need to be looked after…

    And I speak as one who struggles with gluttony, which remains a sin.

  2. empathologism,

    Being married to an overweight woman is not enjoyable, especially when the man works out and enjoys staying fit. The woman (and I speak from experience) can’t ride a bike, take challenging hikes, snow or water ski, and really doesn’t want to do anything that is physically challenging outdoors. Basically she is a bore. She can however, sit in front of the computer ten hours a day, except for the three miles she puts on the treadmill and calls it exercise. I am a Christian, and understand the forgiveness, long suffering, love your wife like Christ does the church, keep the marriage bed pure, but this weight thing is something that is not important to her and for 20+ years I have struggled to love her and encourage her to get off her lazy ass and do something about it. We have the money to do anything medically she wants, but she doesn’t want to do anything. So am I bound for life to be married to such an unequal partner. She is brilliant and mentally she is way beyond me, but????

  3. MD, I am saddened to read that. I have no experience with the issue, I wrote from the experience I have reading women respond to such assertions. It is a Christian conundrum for our day. I dont give pat answers to anything so I have nothing….except I hear you.

  4. Mountain Desert:
    Speaking from my own experiences with women, I am guessing that she’s doing nothing about her weight purposely to disrespect and spite you.

    My advice is to call her bluff and tell her to drop the pounds or hit the pavement.

    As far as religious objections go: a woman who treats her husband in this way has voided the marriage contract so the man is morally blameless if he throws her out. If you’ve been together this long, I’d give her a chance to DO something, but if she doesn’t, (or passively resists), send her packing.

  5. Woman’s opinion here.

    My husband has always been pretty laid back about my weight after pregnancies for the first year or so anyway. However, after a certain period of time I, with very little prompting from him feel a deep desire to be as fit and attractive for him as I can possibly be.

    It says something about a wife’s level of respect for her husband when she doesn’t care at all about being attractive for her man. I really, truly cannot imagine it. Someone in her life needs to address it. If her husband knows of a trusted Christian female friend or relative who is fit, I’d see if they might be able to influence her. It doesn’t always work, but it’s worth a shot.

    He can’t tell her to hit the pavement for being fat Eric, LOL. It doesn’t work that way.

  6. Pingback: Big Fat Liar II | Feminism is Empathological

  7. Elspeth:
    I don’t think he should kick her out for being fat; he should kick her out because she’s obviously gotten fat—and stays that way—to disrespect this guy.

    I can imagine three rationales for her behavior coming out of her big, fat feminist mouth:

    1. “You don’t OWN me!”

    2. “It’s MY body, I have a right to it!”

    3. “All you men care about is looks!”

    4. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

    This is clearly a case of a man-hater. She obviously knows that she turns him off sexually too, so she’s probably also frigid and latently bisexual, (as are most American women):

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