Your wife had and affiar, its your fault

God’s Word declares that he does not blame a Christian wife who commits adultery in marriage, but instead, actually holds the husband responsible! This is due to the fact that the men were putting other things in their lives ahead of their commitments to God and their wives. This is a type of harlotry or idolatry and God declares that a Christian wife who gets into an affair ONLY gets into that affair in response to her husband committing harlotry or adultery

How do you respond to that? Wait, before you do, it gets worse. You need to understand the depth of the depravity of the man and woman who share this bilge as if it is life giving water to marriage.

One thing that we have found over the years in our ministry is that when a wife commits adultery, the fault, amazingly, must be laid at the husband’s feet! This does sound shocking and completely ridiculous at first, but the truth is that when a Christian wife commits adultery, a look into the heart of the marriage will reveal that the husband literally shoved her into the arms of another man!

I’m not usually the low road taker, seriously, so as I make this exception let me get it out of the way up front. While I fail to see a prize in the picture, what I can see is a man who may have many reasons to wallow at his wife’s feet, even to the point of rewriting God’s Word to make it 110% gynocentric, and to place himself beneath her in all power, authority, respect, but more, for her very and every whim. Maybe she makes it worth his while, though I cannot imagine any women anywhere for whom this subordination would be worth.

Over at Christian Mens Defense Network he has taken up writing about Joel and Kathy Davisson. Personally I’m always gratified to see these two snake oil peddlers outed and sanitized by light. I’m so gratified I wanted a small piece of the action, as I’ve been writing about these shaman of the demonic usurpation of God’s order by subjugating even the very best of men to the irreconcilable blob of emotional turmoil that many women carry around. They fail to mention the “god” behind all of this by the name that at least some of the so called enlightened or more universalism churches refer to , uh, him…….the divine fem…..these churches go fully and completely into a sort of quasi lesbian deification, where J and K are in many ways far more insidious.

They are more insidious because they not only have this niche where up is down and off is on….like a wife committing adultery is a response to her husbands adultery with the TV remote. And I thought it was a stretch to call porn viewing equivalent to physical sexual infidelity. They also know the demographic from which they pull their prey.

Theirs is yet another iteration on the uber charismatic movement that has in some ways fallen back a bit from its peak. This is where people tremble and scream and fall out, slain in the spirit and maniacally yell out in supposed tongues that no one else understands or interprets. These people are already under an influence that rules the air in this world, they are hyper emotional and easily suggested, so why not get these men who have given over to emotion anyway, to give over to their wife’s emotion?

Literally, under the J and K regime, if mamma ain’t happy, no one will be happy, oh but much worse. No one will be happy, but to get happy they have to buy these silly books and read them and call Joel and let him yell at them, saying thank you sir may I have another. A woman can and will find many reasons to have bad days. Under this program, that’s reason to cast him out and threaten his custody of his kids, lest he read these books and subjugate himself to the tyrant wife.

If you study their program one thing that comes to mind is that if some man loused up so badly it looked beyond hope, and he agreed to do what they recommend, his wife may not mind having a slave to her emotional whims. I have wondered how long these men who do this really last. A few years later, I wonder of he explodes, or kills himself, or if she grows bored with this limp noodle dish and goes and gets her tingle with an alpha male hunka prime rib .

But if she does that, that means the man was at fault.  He was just doing anything and everything she said she wanted.

Maybe if he buys and reads the books again.

I have always been in favor of looking at both partners whenever anything happens in marriage. The women at Christian Forums seem to think that sort of thing is blaming the victim, because in their hyper emotional state they fail to grasp that as individuals we answer straight to God. That aside, sure, if someone has an affair, to settle the issue and address everything is golden. THIS, the J and K way is blaming the victim. Its also belittling to women making women out as mindless automatons who respond only and have no original thoughts (yet somehow are the walking marriage manual)

What women would not buy this program? If there was such a thing as this for men it would indeed sell, men are not above buying into this kind of one sided nonsense, but there is no analogous program for men. The Davissons and so many churchy women make hay by saying that Gods very order that HE set down in Ephesians is the male version of the J and K program. That’s how they gin up discontent. In reality God never set up a for-men version of J and K, and the twisting of the scripture into extremes about abuse is a simple minded evangelical feminist tool of fear. J and K are the end game for evangelical feminists.

This ground has all been covered, but it cannot ever be covered enough until this barnacle is scrapped off the bottom of the church.


52 thoughts on “Your wife had and affiar, its your fault

  1. Seems to be all about manipulation. She gets the power and the authority, whilst he gets stuck with responsibility and two hundred dollar weekend refreaher courses in bowing and scraping (all major credit cards accepted).

    Sick stuff.

  2. Empath, your comments above about Christian Forums are the reason why I only lurk there now, and occasionally send someone a PM.

    Now given that these two charlatans – snake oil salesmen I think you called them – are based in the USA, I would have thought that the folks there would have had more sense. If you wouldn’t stand for taxation without representation in the 18th Century, why do you accept responsibility without authority? It is plain mad. And the fact that folks accept this state of affairs is surely proof that the lunatics have taken over the asylum, if any more were needed.

    These are just two more heretics leading others into destruction. But unfortunately Christian, unlike say Dr. or barrister, is not a restricted word and anyone can use it.

    On a more general note, sin thrives in darkness, so bringing these two into the light will expose their sin. With a favourable wind, it might even keep some poor soul going through marriage difficulties out of their clutches and give him a chance to save his marriage rather than see it go down the tubes.

  3. I keep telling folks that this is the end game for Christian feminists. If you want to know the dystopian potential future look to J andK, where God’s word is beyond perverted and an orgiastic celebration of women’s emotion ensues. Women’s emotion is the obvious pathway to her heart, analogous to a mans sexual weaknesses. Men are led astray with sex, women with emotions….this ministry is the equivalent of a sex cult, one where men can come and get sex with anyone they want, any sex act they want. There is functionally zero difference.
    Imagine a ministry then that says to the wife that no matter why he wants, no matter where or when, she is to give him exactly the smokin hot sex he wants. This JK stuff is that for women. It preays on womens proclivity.

    See the women at Christian forums….they are angry because they are stuck in marriages that are not like the supplicating wimps that JK create. One thinks the foot washing picture is THE representation, full and complete, of the marital order. This is the same women who says her husband never even thinks about sex unless she is in the same room as him. How deceived can a woman be? A LOT, because she believes what she FEELS. And she disbelieves what she feels is wrong. Facts are no bother, she has these push button responses to get around them.

  4. I have been batting back at these 2 for 5 plus years, they usually come in and try and rebuke me….it can be interesting when they do. They are a little bit creepy in the way they act, watch the video clip of their interview, somewhere….its on their home page….their scripted pecks/kisses make me cringe embarrassed for them. That anyone…ANYONE…can fall under them is amazing.

    J and k is not the half of your larger point about inmates and asylums. Ive been having discourse with a seminary professor who happens to be the son of a guy I work with. The prof is 41 yrs old or so, and so incredibly confused in his values, from feminism to the Bible, its amazing. I generally do not debate scripture with anyone because I find it disrespectful of the scripture to be one of these guys throwing out chapter and verse after each point I make….thats juts me, not condemning others….so I discuss other things with him, and he is a male feminist extraordinaire. Our country suffers a form of spiritual and intellectual lethargy we cannot fix, God can, we cannot, because the very things to fix it are settled to be bad things, not PC or whatever.

    But J and K have split the realm, they operate in a darkness that hides itself in the light. They pull from the Binny Hinn crowd mainly, because thats their ministry style, and they pull from WOMEN….who would of course by a program to train the husband.

  5. After reading feedback and comments for a while, i had to stop. The supplication is sickening. It must be a profitable venture. Lies and deception are big sellers.

  6. Creepy is not the word for them. They are a cult plain and simple. The predictability with which their followers parrot the same talking points, the remarkable similarities in circumstances and wording and writing style in the testamonies of those alegedly helped by their methods, their outright censorship of any dissenting opinions or even questions on their own forums all have cult like characteristics.

    The truly sad thing though is that the hens at CF can’t even bring themselves to condemn something that is so plainly and simply counter Biblical. They say “take the good and toss the bad”. Sorry but when the bad is so severe as to advocate using the kids as a weapon, there is no good, none, not even a tiny speck.

  7. I actually tried the total-submission-to-the-wife thing– not due to these particular snake oil salesmen, but just because I was desperate to try anything to save my marriage.

    What I observed was… it just made my wife all the more contemptuous of me. I would try to never say anything to criticize her, make her feel bad, or put her down. But our home ran horribly during that time. (Imagine putting some one in charge that has no responsibilities, no shame, no empathy, no moral compass, and that is tossed about by every wind of doctrine.)

    Nowadays I see starving the emotional hamster as my chief job around the house. I never walk away from it when it rears its ugly head, by counter it and hold my ground. Strangely… my wife thinks about what I say all the time and then comes back to me and says, “you’re right about x… now as to y…” and she even looks to me as a general problem solver and prioritizer.

    It’s like… a boat that’s capsized starting to right itself….

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  9. These two just stand as the absurd example of what the entirety of the christian church seems to be promoting. I can’t step into a church anymore. This attitude helped destroy my marriage. It encourages women to be perpetually unhappy. They are trained to not be happy with the way things are supposed to be with the man at the headship of the house, and then their nature is disgusted when men behave as their servants. There is no winning the marriage game in the church . The marriages may last longer because of social pressures, but this only leaves men and women more broken, and the men on worse footing to recover due to the aggressive tactics the women and courts use to effectively destroy the men in the name of the children. I see far more non-christian marriages that have found the balance that works, and almost always the man is at the head. Its not talked about in the context of biblical expectations that ultimately shame the people who are failing to meet the mark. There is also an assumption in the church that the men and women in the church know how to make this work, so they don’t talk near enough about the realities of their marriage and relationship, but about the fantastical ideal marriage they will never achieve. It leaves all very dissatisfied and unhappy.

  10. Correct
    Expectations are set to silly levels, by the time the girl becomes woman she has heard Fathers Day sermons “supporting” men saying they CAN be the Godly man women want.
    They have heard the relational wisdom that men, to have a good marriage, dont fix…..listen, talk with your heart, your cold analytical ways are flawed and have no place in marriage.
    This tells women that irreconcilable bundles of angst are good, and that men will feed them and nurture those ill feelings. And he will enjoy it!
    So, J and K take what is the end game of the church and get there faster and more openly.
    Did I mention they sell books

  11. The exclamation marks that serve this shit kebab up for women as an exciting revelation ought to be a glaring red flag. “Good news! No matter how crappy you are, you can blame your husband!”

    The only person who would swallow that is an idiot or evil or both.

  12. I think that women swallow it because it represents how they “feel”. That is, most adulterous women will tell you that they felt like they weren’t getting X, Y or Z from hubby for an extended period and that this “drove them” to consider adultery. This is the common storyline you will get from an adulterous woman, and so I don’t think it’s uncommon for most women who have committed adultery or the much larger group who have considered it but not followed through to “feel” this way, and therefore the message of J&K resonates with them.

    The trouble, of course, is the moral absolution of the independent acts of the woman. You don’t need to do that in order to recognize that decisions happen in a context. Most cheating, male or female, doesn’t happen in the context of a fully happy marriage. There are exceptions to that (alpha males or former sluts who can’t be faithful), but they’re pretty exceptional. At the same time, despite that “table setting”, there is nevertheless an independent, personal right/wrong decision taken at some stage to pursue adultery, to consummate adultery and so on. Unless there is rape involved, this tends to be a pretty darn pre-meditated thing, even in the case of “it just happened”/ONS type sex that happens on a business trip or a GNO type of thing: there’s always a point at which the decision arises as to whether to commit adultery or not, and that is the space of moral agency. J&K’s perspective is that this moral agency either doesn’t exist, or is not important because it is trumped/dwarfed/made inoperable by the “table setting” done by the husband which created the context of unhappiness. Seen in that way, it’s thoroughly unsurprising that women in particular would like this approach — it absolves them of their own moral shortcoming (read: sin) while at the same time validating their own personal “feeling experience” as to what led them to commit adultery to begin with, rather than focusing on the rather more thorny (personally) issue of the actual decision itself — glossing that over in favor of making it the virtually automatic conclusion of the husband’s table setting.

    Unfortunately I do have to report that it is not uncommon at all for marriage counselors (LMFT types) to take this tack in the face of female adultery. Couples, especially men, are told that the most important thing is the context and fixing the context rather than “obsessing over the acting out on that context that took place”. This is basically women as children – they simply “act out” based on a “context”, rather than as adult moral agents who own their moral decisions for good or ill. When a man has an affair, however, it’s generally treated as an incidence of a lack of self-control, rather than acting out on a context. This is also the case with quite secular counselors. I think that the culture as a whole is just extremely queasy about holding women accountable for anything at all, but has no such queasiness about holding men to such account. It’s not odd that women find this attractive initially — it is, after all, essentially pandering to their own desire to avoid accountability for their actions.

  13. It’s not odd that women find this attractive initially — it is, after all, essentially pandering to their own desire to avoid accountability for their actions.
    Of course they will buy what these two sell. Sell something similar to men and some men will buy it. That’s actually part of the marketing, they assert that men were sold and are being sold the male equivalent of the JK program, the patriarchal dominance and zero accountability stuff. Men they say have been given a free reign and ride and they claim are still being handed that power through GROWING teaching of men to rule the home, oh but they have had the word of knowledge, read about Kathy having her so called rage, where she was given revelation on Malachi and God hate for divorce.
    Kathy has a quote about basically she treats Joel like crap unless he earns something better.

    I get their online newsletter. If you want to see broken men, read the testimonies of men who have taken the JK role on, fully. They are dripping with self effacement as they tell how wonderful it feels to live at the emotional beck and call of the wife’s fickle whims.

    But guys, this is no different than what we are all being taught in church now. JK just distilled it and made a program out of it, while we all get it in soft doses scattered over time and mixed with other topics. I keep saying, JK is the end game of evangelical feminism. On Christian forums and on Family Life forum before that I watched women rationalize their way past even the lower the boom evil of keeping men from kids, all to get to that emotional sweet spot where all they believe about God is Love can be manifest.
    I linked up
    She was a big advocate of JK…until she learned that Joel told women that there was a point in the reconciliation where they really did have to have sex with the husband. The author of this blag could not agree.

    On her blog there are likely many items that should be outed for analysis. Maybe I will lift and link some

  14. If a woman has not committed adultery and she buys into this, is it really that hard to see her rationalize going out and “getting some,” since hubby isn’t X, Y, and Z and, more to the point, there’s salvation and a path to fix broken hubby after?

  15. @rockthrowingpeasant you aren’t exaggerating. I had a christian counselor tell me that this (her sleeping with a random guy) should be seen as a wake up call to save our marriage. I just needed to acknowledge my part in the affair to move forward. I asked him that if I was somehow responsible for this, then when did I get the pleasure of a good f-ing. He later told my wife that he was worried that I wasn’t angry enough about the affair.

  16. Proverbs 30:20
    “This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’

  17. I read the first two quotes and stopped. I had to go the bathroom. I also took a blood pressure pill. That really got my blood boiling. I looked at the picture and thought of ragguly(can’t spell it) andy. I swear he’s a sock puppet if he thinks this.

  18. As a man seeking God’s guidance in everything. How can I as man accept such teachings and believe they are from God. It was hard for me to finish reading those quotes emp. I was very tempted to go to their site and speak my mind.

  19. Cuckold porn meets the Good Book… isn’t the creator of that freaky, masochistic crap ashamed?

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  25. You’re taking it too literally. It is in fact true that when adultery takes place in a marriage it is a sign that something somewhere in the relationship is off. So they are encouraging husbands to introspect, reflect and try to find out what’s off.

    I’m sure they advise wives with cheating husbands to do the same.

  26. Go read their site….its not being taken too literally. They assign zero moral agency to women, they say women simply respond to the man. What is interesting is that women who on one hand claim strength, on the other hand embrace this flawed prescription.

  27. OK so then what advise do they give to wives who’s husbands cheat on them?

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  29. No that’s not at all what they are doing. They are flat out blaming the man for the wife’s actions and absolving her of responsibility. They absolutely don’t advise cheating wives to do the same. In their world the wife bears no responsibility for what’s wrong with the marriage.

  30. “OK so then what advise do they give to wives who’s husbands cheat on them?”
    Divorce the cheating worm unless he does exactly everything she tells him to.

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  32. Empathy,
    Are you stupid!!! I cannot believe that you, or anyone, would write something as ridiculous as this. It is the husband’s fault that his wife spread her legs for another man because she felt he did not satisfy her in some way. If that criteria were held for wives, there would not be one married man in America who would not be in an affair or have cheated on his wife. You are the exact same reason most men in America have utterly given up on 1) Marriage to any American/Western woman, 2) Marriage itself and 3) Going to Church . Thank god I am Catholic!!!!

  33. John
    I’m confused by your post. Are you suggesting that I wrote that its a mans fault his wife cheats? That was my title…..maybe read the post. No, I am decidedly not stupid.

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  36. Your statement – “what woman wouldn’t?” Answer – “I’ll desperate, shattered women who are seeking anything to cling to.”

    We attended because of a crisis I caused (affair) & frankly chose J&K because it was cheap and “now.” Also they promised the world. I still tease the person who recommended us for sending us to backwoods pyramid scheme scammers (LegalShield, herbal male/female sex enhancement drugs, energy drinks, books of course, J&K cruises plus PRIVATE visits (whee)).

    Key points then I’ll go back to not ever thinking about J&K – I just saw their billboard and Googled to see if they had been arrested yet for a scam or sex crime. This blog is a good read and rightly targeted.

    1. Their system has stick (threat of brutal nasty divorce empowered by LethalShield, screaming at by K or various crazed harpies during thrice-weekly party line calls, isolation when you leave church/counseling/friends) and carrot is make mommy happy and she gives daddy sex…at least every other day. Very mechanical – score 10 touches/compliments & get mechanical/compulsory sex with required post-coital cuddle to “bond with mommy” out of obligation. Weird.

    2. Everything is focused on you joining one of their pyramid scheme – the intensive is like getting free Disney tickets via 4 hours of Timeshare sales. One email popped thru my SPAM filter recently suggests they dropped all pretense of anything but Amway/LegalThing/Shacklee or whatever it is now.

    3. Proof is in pudding – watching them together us weird. Very acted out, mannequin like, icky, smarmy, and Joel loves to talk about sex & penis jokes (7th grade level). Dial into so be of their calls, join the boards – their kids are involved in their counseling and are future Jerry Springer return guests.

    4. Their bible translation is ridiculous. David forever cut off from God because of Bathsheba? Umm read again.

    5. Their whole approach is drawn from secular feminist thought – careful how you google it but they advise word for word out of a guide to cuckoldry – including excusing/encouraging wives sleep with other men if hubby doesn’t make her happy. Weeeeird.

    6. The elements of their program which are worthwhile are stolen (bastardized) from a guy named Ken Nair who does put responsibility for the weaker vessel (who is a responder to hubby – even when they want not to). Curiously he DOESNT seek to monetize everything & is not redneck, cheesy or creepily pervy.

    Ok that’s all I can stand to say other than STAY AWAY. May as well go to a Mormon retreat.

  37. Thank you for your comment and the inside look. I am aware of Ken Nair’s role in the genesis of J&K. He is mentioned all over their site.
    I am not surprised they are pushing MLM schemes, they are uniquely fitted for it. Ive watched their weird videos and seen the behavior you mention. Ive also stealth participated on their forum and engaged Joel one on one around the web.
    I drove past that billboard in South GA last summer.

  38. Christian Men’s defense network seems to have gone away. Unless they are selling football jerseys now.

  39. @Empath

    She was a big advocate of JK…until she learned that Joel told women that there was a point in the reconciliation where they really did have to have sex with the husband.

    I was going to suggest a classic Empath and/or Dalrock deconstruction & take-down, and perhaps I still will, but perusing her website made me more sad than angry.

    Early on in her endless (well, at least until she had full catharsis between 2007 and 2011) tirades, she clues us in that she was abused at some point in her life and it is clear that it became the defining moment. Everything – and I mean everything – flows out of her seemingly endless torrent of “yeah, buts” from that moment. But she’s good now. We know this because she told us so.Her vision is clear, there are no motes, and she must set about the business of removing patriarchal planks wherever they are encountered. Which is apparently everywhere.

    Her “exegesis” of Gen 3:16, her mentoring of others, her need to chide her own pastor, and her belief that since her husband desires a frequency more than the middle of the bell curve he is a sexual glutton.

    I just finished watching an outstanding teaching from Rick Renner on spiritual warfare, and in particular it deals with strongholds of the mind leading to oppression, and then eventually deception. She personifies deception because she is so absolutely sure she is right because, by golly, I am never going to let what happened to me happen to any other woman. I’m OK – trust me, I really am – it’s those demonic egalitarians that are at the heart of everything wrong with society.

    And, of course, her blog would not be fully complete without asking Jesus to be her boyfriend husband.

  40. typing too fast. Should read…

    it’s those demonic egalitarians complementarians that are at the heart of everything wrong with society.

  41. still typing too fast. Maybe you can fix the original comment to read:

    it’s those demonic complementarians that are at the heart of everything wrong with society.

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