Its a cute, funny observation that the more one downplays looks, the less attractive they are themselves. That correlation likely holds, among those for which it holds….that makes more sense than just the statement of the obvious that it clearly is. Think on it.
The more empathy driven the Christian woman, the more likely she is to downplay looks. It is my opinion she will even, to put it politely, bend the truth a bit as she describes how she didn’t even notice her mates looks when they met, but rather only noticed his internal (and of course more virtuous things TO notice) qualities. Only through pressure and rhetorical impeachment can you even get these women to acknowledge that the very first contact we have with our spouse to be is 99% of the time visual, from across the room, or even if we are being introduced, we SEE the other person first. Check any personals service, it is quite common that women will openly say they will not reply to those with no photo in their profiles. More, the statistics they gather anonymously show that nearly all searches by men and women have “photo” checked as criteria.
Do as I say not as I do. The cyber chasity belt listed in those personals ads (ie. “friends first”, “if you seek sex move on”, “no hook ups”) lays in a heap on the floor beside the couch where the nasty is happnin. He wasn’t invited to the casting couch to read lines from Othello, though that would be an appropriate one.
This downplay of looks, and overt rejection of sexual nature is just part of the overall evangelical feminist tapestry woven with a sense of moral superiority.The reality is that is cover for something that we really needn’t cover in the first place…people want the most attractive mate they can get, and when they find a mate that is less attractive than they feel they can get, and they get to know them and the personality over rides the deficit of attractiveness, cold hard fact is they settle on one because of the other. That is very different than saying looks are not important.
The wife of a friend had an affair. They ended up divorced after 15 years of marriage. But during the months that followed the affair, and as that woman spoke with other women including my wife and I, someone asked her the predictable question, why?. She made a stab at a long drawn out accounting of all of her husbands shortcomings, and her emotional disposition as a result and won no small amount to empathy from those listening. Then she chuckled a little and said, “besides he was GOOD LOOKING”.
You can’t say that look are important or you will be branded shallow. You will be lectured on looks being temporal and fading with age, on the spiritual aspects of relationship and how looks do not play a role, and on the virtues of being aloof to looks.
Therefore lets start a movement that suggests people marry the least attractive mate they can find. That should drop the divorce rate within a generation.