Christian Womens Advice Thread

This post is directed at Godly women and women that want a “Christ-like” husband. I wanted to make a thread here to help “make straight” the paths that many Christian women have when dealing with their husbands. Here are some key points.

A: Are you unhappy? Does you relationship with your husband leave you feeling unsatisfied with life, dry, meaningless and devoid of purpose? If so is your husband leading you spiritually and causing you to be completely satisfied in Christ?

B: Are you insecure? Do you feel as if your husband is not making your home and family like a “little church”? Do you feel as if Satan is robbing your family of the perfect blessing of God because of your husbands lack of leadership?

C: Are you neglected? Does your husband take an interest in your hobbies and interests? Is he interested in your spiritual development? Is he interested in the condition of your home?

D: Are you abused emotionally, verbally or financially? Does he not listen to you? Does he actually argue and use logic against you? Does he ever raise his voice with you? Does he insist on knowing what is being spent or limit your access to money?
So if your husband is not completely Christ-like know that he is not fulfilling God’s perfect will. But before you start filling out the divorce papers, consider this:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
(1Pe 3:1-5)

Yes, Peter wrote that believing wives should be in subjection to those who are in fact IN DISOBEDIENCE! Unbelievers, ungodly, in fact NOT CHRIST-LIKE IN THE LEAST! If you are a believer and are walking in the light you are in a better place to obtain grace from God and obey Him. You can win your husband, how? By taking your God given role, under the headship of your husband.

Don’t miss this last part. Why would you do this? Why would you give your husband all that “power” when he clearly isn’t acting like he should, surely that is an evidence of his lack of trustworthiness? Here is the secret, don’t trust him, take Peter’s hint and trust God instead.
If you can’t begin to trust God, please quit pretending to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, quit pretending to be Holy or that YOU are any more trustworthy than your husband. You aren’t.
Trusting God means repenting of our own rebellious ways and obeying Him, and leaving the outcomes and consequences in His hands. Surrendering to him.

I’ll leave you with this, a wife in subjection puts more Godly pressure on the husband than you might imagine. Give it a try, you might like the results. (And really the alternative is not just a broken relationship with your husband, but a broken relationship with Jesus Christ).

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29 thoughts on “Christian Womens Advice Thread

  1. I always add to this that these things she may be seeing that are leaving her spiritually unfulfilled are human churchian constructs anyway. In other words she will not achieve those things through coming under her husband…necessarily….she will however achieve the feelings that she THINKS those things will elicit

  2. Good point. Our sin nature gets us in a place of dissatisfaction at times and for that reason alone it must be checked or it will destroy us. That is why we are commended to the fruits of the Spirit:

    “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.”
    (Gal 5:22-25)

  3. Good post. Be ready to receive negative feedback from Christian-in-name-only women. Women who live their lives in accordance with this scripture are about as plentiful as four-leafed clover. I speak from experience, having been raised in a pentecostal feminist family.

  4. We all need to remember that all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. Once we remember that, neither husband nor wife has grounds for getting on a high horse and issuing edicts to the other. Husbands do not lead well. Wives do not follow. Until we are face to face with God, none of us will be perfect. Once we are face to face with God, we will all be too busy worshipping to worry about anything else.

  5. This is an excellent post. It saddens me that a man had to write it given the Bible’s express command for older believing women to pass this information down to younger ones, but the whole world is upside down at this point, no?

    I’ll leave you with this, a wife in subjection puts more Godly pressure on the husband than you might imagine. Give it a try, you might like the results. (And really the alternative is not just a broken relationship with your husband, but a broken relationship with Jesus Christ).

    This is huge. I have experienced and know for myself that it is true.

    I shared with a friend the other day a truth and I could see the discomfort grip her when I said this: “Submission to your husband isn’t really submission when you agree wholeheartedly. It’s when you have to follow him down a path you are unsure of or not in agreement with that your commitment to submission is tested. If you don’t submit to him in trying situations, then you are in fact, not a submissive wife and not following God’s commands.”

    It’s a hard pill to swallow but swallow it we must. Life gets so much easier as a wife when you stop trying to yank the reins. Women seem unable to get this. Of course, it’s a matter of trust.

  6. Good thoughts, Fred. While I appreciate your comments and the attempt at balance, we err if we say that we are doomed to do this badly as long as we are wrapped in flesh.

    We can learn to do it. We really can. I drop the ball often enough, but I’m no where near as bad as I used to be. I still have to shake myself on occasion and say (sometimes audibly) : “Just do what the man told you to do.”

    My husband is a natural leader in many regards, but he also has to remind himself from time to time to be the leader that God requires. It’s in the effort that we find the improvement. And we can improve, and we can instruct others, or Scripture wouldn’t admonish us to do so.

    We just need to be humble and ever striving to be doers of the word and not just hearers.

    Husbands can lead well, and wives can learn to follow. It usually takes a while, though to learn to do it well consistently.

  7. Thank you Elspeth. I learned this lesson first hand when I unconditionally submitted to my own father. It’s a very tough thing to do but so is being a living sacrifice for God. It never ceases to amaze me when I see people are living in total contradiction to God’s Word and the teachings of Jesus Christ and yet claim to be “beloved daughters of the King” (princesses). The self-deception is getting too deep in this country.

  8. The world is indeed upside down on this issue. To the point that, in my online travels at least, most of the few women who “get it” on this point are actually younger. There’s actually two groups who tend to get it. The younger who have seen and can comprehend the devistation brought about by feminism run amok, which is really what the OP is describing the effect of, and the older, say 60 plus, who are old enough to have been adults before feminism ran amok.

  9. The thing that makes discussing/changing this dynamic so problematic is that there is an absolute to all of the lettered points. It is good to be happy and secure and it’s bad to be neglected and abused. The problem is that any time the woman FEELS unhappy, or insecure or neglected or abused, society and even the church’s first knee jerk assumption as to the cause is to blame the husband. The other problem is the vast subjectiveness with which those terms, unhappy,insecure, neglected and abused are defined. The threat of being labeled as doing one of those things to his wife is what is largely responsible for the number of men who cannot or will not step into their God given role in their family.

  10. I am 41. and SSM is 43. My friend Heather s about 40, as is Hearthrose who wrties great marriage articles for TC. Another woman blogger from these parts is CL, who is about 40. Grerp is 41. if I recall. A couple of other women whose blogs I read are also in the 35-45 range.

    In my online travels I see women who have been married for a while, struggled to find the truth, and had the experience of seeing the truth of Biblical marriage being wonderful rather than oppressive.

    Yes, I have come across some really delightful and godly younger women bloggers as well. Jess at Making Home and my friend Alte comes to mind. But the idea that only old women or young inexperienced women have a handle on this doesn’t fir what I’ve found in my online travels. In fact I can’t thin of a single 60 year-old woman I’d take marital advice from. They seem to be the worst of the worst, having been partakers of all the novelty of feminism but almost none of the destruction of it.

  11. Different online circles perhaps? Also I never said only.
    Sorry if I sound a little ticked, and I doubt you meant to do it, but that tactic, the adding of an “only” to invalidate what’s been said was a favorite of the most unreasonable ones over at Cf.

    In my experience women in the 35-45 age range are the worst of the worst on the points the OP talks about. CF is where I encountered them and in that age range I’d say that the unreasonable and unhinged women outnumber the ones who “get it” by about 10 to 1.

  12. It’s fine Chaz, I am not familiar with CF. What is it?

    I also recognize that you didn’t use the word “only”. I was simply noting that it kind of depends on your online circle, and I assumed that since you were here, that you were fairly familiar with at least most of the women I listed as examples.

    My age cohort is a fairly entitled bunch in the larger culture, it’s true, with a very unrealistic view of life and an unBiblical view of marriage. But 60 is too “young” if you are looking for an older woman with good advice. I have found that women 75 and over are well springs of practical no nonsense Biblical wisdom on marriage and relationships. I have a couple in my extended family who have been a tremendous blessing. Sadly, our culture has taken to locking most of the advanced aged people away from the rest of us.

  13. CF is Christian Forums, where chaz, me, IAL, and sojourner all met…well actually chaz and I met on one iteration before that, Family Life forums when they had them. He (chaz) may not know all those women you mentioned. I would take one of them off the list, but thats just me, and you know which one.

    Im a big believer that MY generation, baby boomers, are the primary ones who screwed up marriage. This means not that they were the worst feminists, its very specific that my cohort (50 in 2 weeks) is peak frivorce cohort.

    I could bore all with theories as to why.

    Elspeth, ChristianForums.com , go to the “married couples” section and read the thread right now that is about “is this verbal abuse?” or something like that. I will not link them as the ping backs drag them here and Ive been down that path enough. You will see why chaz reacted as he did in reading that one thread.

    Im forevah banned over there

  14. I’ll check it out later, Emapth. Thanks for the intel.

    I would take one of them off the list, but that’s just me, and you know which one.

    Yes, I am aware of your opinion, which I fully appreciate. I included her because she is highly regarded in these parts, as you are well aware.

  15. Radical idea here. Maybe grace has become too cheap and too easy. The God wants me to be haaaappy mindset over discipline and steady faithful endurance of the Saints. The Catholic Church gets the sanctity of marriage right in this case

  16. No need to check it out unless like me you are glutton for reaffirmation of that junk. The lone man on the thread is one of the most genteel I’ve known, and they excoriate his attempts to not take one Whitney post from a woman and start sending her links with those lists of how to notice abuse….and advising divorce….etc. one thing I would say if you never have read there, it’s a fantastic representation of everything we talk about here on this blog anyway, and many of the other more straightforward Christian oriented blogs as well. They define the issue.

  17. I’m getting to the point where I say, yeah so? So why are we here and what did Jesus promise us? The entitlement is so deep that it has completely knocked out the Gospel.

  18. Just to clarify my perspective,my travels in circles similar to this place rare fairly limited so no, I’m not at all familiar with any of those that you mentioned.

    I like Empath, as well and pretty much any other voice of reason on the topic of marriage and gender relations have been permanently banned from CF. With where it seems you are coming from, I’d give you 6 months at the most before you would be similarly banned if you were to participate there and express your viewpoint in any sort of strong way.

    I understand that there are people, people of both genders, who “get it” in terms of marriage and gender relations/roles. The problem is, at this point, both online and in the real life church as a whole, we are seen as and portrayed as the crazy nuts wandering around in the desert eating bugs and honey.

  19. Not sure I entirely agree. I think that the problem is, in an lot of cases the opposite. That grace is too “expensive”. Or actually that we don’t understand what it really is and still try to earn it from God. Sure if you ask someone straight out, they’ll say they don’t believe in earned grace or performance based theology, but if you examine there lives and attitudes, you’ll see evidence of them thinking that way, especially as relates to what other people must do. One person in particular that I know online seems insistent on defining what actions and such must occur before we can/should offer forgiveness to another person and on defining what conditions must exist before it’s OK to define one’s spouse as an enemy. She is not at all alone in thinking that way from what I’ve seen.

  20. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2012/11/21 « Free Northerner

  21. I get that we don’t want this place to be about discussing what goes on at CF but I just wandered in there and I can’t let this one go by, especially since it sort of relates to this OP. Someone just said that a woman shouldn’t have earn her husband’s sexual attraction to her. That it’s the husband’s responsible to be sexually attracted to his wife. This from someone who has repeatedly proclaimed that it’s up to the husband to woo his wife into being sexually attracted to him. Utter and complete nonsense.

    That relates to the OP in that it, like the four points in the OP, puts ALL responsibility for the state of the marriage onto the man. The woman has no responsibility and no expectation other than to respond to his actions. Again, utter and complete nonsense, and a good glimpse into what’s causing many failed marriages today.

  22. But don’t dare “objectify” the woman! That would be evil, she wants to be treating like she has NO agency whatsoever but don’t you dare treat her as if she is not your total and complete equal. One wonders if the cognitive dissonance will ever drive them far enough insane to cause them danger to themselves?

  23. “If you can’t begin to trust God, please quit pretending to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, quit pretending to be Holy or that YOU are any more trustworthy than your husband. You aren’t.”

    Exactly the same argument I’ve made to Christians in general since forever.

    God doesn’t need anyone’s help. His plans don’t need any correcting, especially by creatures who weren’t even capable of following one simple order,if you take the bible’s account at face value.

  24. The wrong and damaging idea that marriage is about happiness is evident in the the fact that it’s even being discussed wether or not it’s acceptable to date before one’s divorce is finalized. Scriptural arguments about wether or not that’s adultery, and about wether or not re-marriage after a divorce is permitted are totally beside the point. Getting divorced is a damaging process.Even in cases where one is escaping actual abuse, the divorce itself causes things inside you to break. IMO one should wait an absolute bare minimum of 6 months after the divorce is final to even begin to think about dating, and a year is probably a better guideline. But instead we’ve got people talking about dating even before they are legally out of the previous marriage. No wonder second and subsequent marriages have such a high failure rate. I’d bet a bunch that there is a correlation between the sucess rate of second marriages and how long after the first marriage the new couple met.

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